


Pothos and the Neikea

by JohnnysSmile



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A lot of angst sorry, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cheesy, Complete, Corny, Drinking Games, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everything basically, I tried to stay true to their canon relationship, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Multi, Pining, Professor Ben Solo, Professor Kylo Ren, Rey is horny, Slow Burn, Smut, Soap Opera level of Drama, Underage Drinking, a few butt stuff, a lot of smut, and so is kylo, but not for long, eventual professor-student relationship, if you're here for this you'll be disappointed, not exactly consensual sex, rey is with hux at first, reylo au, risky stuff, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnnysSmile/pseuds/JohnnysSmile
Summary: Pothos: god of sexual longing, yearning and desire.The Neikea: spirits of quarrels, feuds and grievances.Of all the people Rey could have drunk-fucked, it had to be Kylo freaking Ren. It had to be her boyfriend's best friend, whom she despised with every fiber of her being. And the guilt of what she didalmostdrives her as mad as he does.But that's not the scary part. The scary part is that she liked it.If there is one thing Kylo agrees with Rey on, is that what they did was the biggest mistake. Huge. Massive. He had taken advantage of a drunk teenage student that he hated and kept scolding Hux for dating.Yet, he also agrees that it felt good. So freaking good.And so, not only do they have to deal with Rey cheating on Hux, or how they absolutely, totally loathe each other, or the age difference, or the fact that Finn, Poe and Rose hate Kylo almost as much as Rey does, they also have to deal with the way their bodies seem to attract each other like magnets, in an attempt to feel the high of fucking one more time.College AU.





	1. In the dark, where they can't see us

There was six of them at the concert. There were Rey and Hux. And then she'd brought her two friends, Finn and Poe, and he'd brought his two friends, Phasma and Kylo, in an agreement. That meant that two of them would have to get their own cab back home unless they wanted to get minced in there. She had assumed it would be Hux and her. Or at least Finn and Poe. One of the couples, anyway. Not her and _him_.

She got out last because no one bothered to wait for her at the ladies room. And she had found Kylo in front of a cab, alone. She was too drunk to groan in annoyance.

"Where is everyone?"

She stumbled towards him, almost tripped, but he didn't even flinch to catch her. And that was because, drunk as he was too, there was nothing he'd want to see more than Rey crashing her face on the pavement.

"They left."

"Hux, too?"

"Obviously."

He opened the back door for her. He was sitting in front, and wouldn't even have her question it. But she really, _really_ was too drunk to do even that. She just grabbed the open door to steady herself, almost brushing his fingers with her own.

"He's such an idiot. I would have totally sucked him in that taxi."

Kylo felt that as a punch to his stomach. Was that supposed to be arousal? Or the hatred he was used to feeling towards the girl? She was just too close and not nearly spiteful enough for him not to be affected by her words. Actually putting her lips around his member would probably make him feel less, he thought.

Rey stumbled inside the cab, moving towards the far end, expecting Kylo to follow. And… he did. What was he doing? He had shotgun. And he definitely didn't want to be there with her. But whatever, it was too late to go back now.

Rey eyed him and groaned a bit. She really didn't want Kylo there with her either. It should have been her stupid boyfriend instead. They had had such a great night, and all the alcohol was making her bold. She had other plans for that night, that definitely didn't involve her boyfriend's abhorrent friend. But the alcohol was also making her more… slack on her hatred for him. She yawned. And then yawned again. And decided to make good of the thirty minutes they had until home.

Kylo's hands jumped in the air, and if it weren't for the back of the seat, he would have flown a mile back when Rey lowered her head towards his lap. But then she just rested her head on top to sleep. He sighed in relief and mentally slapped himself, hard. God, Rey should never have mentioned anything about her performing oral in a cab. Did he honestly think that this was what she was going to do? No. She obviously just wanted to use him as a cushion. Just as she always uses him and everyone around her. And neither of them should have drunk so much; they were supposed to despise each other, not go in long, dark car rides together and lie on each other's lap.

He should shake her up. Brutally. Say something snarky, remind her he was not someone to get too touchy with. But just like he hadn't gotten in the front seat, he didn't move an inch. His breaths were coming out short and rushed, and he told himself it was the eighth beer that did that.

That didn't explain the growing bump in his pants though.

Rey shifted to face him. Her eyes were half open and peering into his, he noted, as the passing road lights illuminated part of her face in an orange hue. She wasn't even aware she was staring. The drunken-sleepy state she was in can do that to a person. It only made things worse for Kylo. He really should shove her off of him. Or just stop– stop himself. Why was his body doing that anyway? Perhaps if they spoke, he would be reminded of how detestable she was.

He opened his mouth.

"Don't."

"What?" His breath was cut in the middle.

"Don't say anything right now, please. I don't want you to ruin this for me."

He could feel his ears start burning. It was definitely anger. Until his stupid brain whispered an alternative to what he'd already interpreted.

"Ruin this for you?" His nose wrinkled when he heard his own voice. It sounded like he hadn't spoken in weeks. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

Rey couldn't help but smile at that. She tried to fight it, but her body didn't feel like hers anymore. It had given up on trying to play this game of enmity with him. The view of her just calm for a moment, smiling at him, made Kylo think that perhaps he didn't really hate her. He hated Hux for dating a sophomore, while he was a grad student. He hated Hux for seemingly trying to take advantage of a teenager. Perhaps Rey had just gotten caught up in all of that.

"I'm enjoying a moment of you shutting up."

No. He remembered why he really hated her. It was because she was always bitter and annoying and-

Rey shifted again, slightly burying her face in his lap. She was so close to… to _feeling_ him. And after a couple of minutes, as her breaths got deep and even in the tell-tale rhythm of light sleep, they hit his jeans right where he could feel all of their warmth. He shut his eyes closed and if they weren't already in a moving car, he would have sworn everything was spinning.

A bump in the road. Not enough to actually make Rey fall, but enough to make Kylo reflexively wrap an arm around her torso to steady her. She opened her eyes momentarily, acknowledging what woke her up, but not really his arm.

"I'm going to Hux's. So you know," she purred. Kylo nodded, even though she had closed her eyes again and couldn't see him.

But sleep didn't come to her again. She kept her eyes closed because she thought seeing his face would upset her. And she thought that she was so drunk, she would vomit if she saw him one more time. Or if there was another bump on the road. She finally noticed the arm around her, still there, gripping her almost forcefully, and she felt surprisingly safe. She wanted to be held. Just to prevent any barfing, of course. But even if that didn't work, the idea of emptying her stomach on Kylo was entertaining enough. She nuzzled closer, dipping her head to avoid the area she was acutely aware of being right in front of her face. Her forehead hit his pelvis, and his grip on her got even stronger. Why didn't she ever feel like that when she was with Hux?

That thought was too much for her, suddenly. What did her brain even mean by that? How was she feeling right now? And who's to say it was because Kylo is holding her, and not because she drunk her guts that night?

Thankfully, they finally arrived. Just a glance at Hux's apartment and the lack of any lights dawned on them both.

"Did he already fall asleep?" she murmured kind of disappointed. She really had other plans for them.

She stretched and opened the door that was next to Kylo. Then she straddled him for just a split second as she climbed outside. It was enough to make him forget how to breathe.

Normal, sober people usually use the door on their side. But not drunk Rey, apparently.

He paid the bill himself. If they hadn't been so miraculously conciliative on that car ride, he would have reminded her to pay her half. But he knew what it was to be a college student trying to make ends meet, and just this once, he decided not to be a complete asshole to Rey. He got out because his own apartment wasn't that far away from there. And only after the cab left did he turn around to see Rey still standing outside Hux's place.

"Is he not here?"

Rey turned around and shook her head. The motion made her head hurt as if her brain was replaced by a bowling ball, moving around her empty skull. It was close to 4 am and super cold, she realized. Campus was almost at the other side of the town. How on Earth was she going to go there now? Her eyes started stinking and she immediately thought she should never drink again because it was making her fucking weak!

"Don't you have keys?"

Rey snorted at that. "Oh, of course. I'm just standing out here in the cold waiting for you to give me a goodnight kiss."

 _There_ was the Rey he knew. He moved closer, stretching his arm to grab hers.

"Why would I have keys, dude? We've only been together for, like, tree months."

He grabbed her and pulled her towards him. She came so easily, he noted. She had her arms wrapped around herself, a posture serving to both keep him away and her somewhat warm. But she just came.

"Do you mean _three_ months?"

"That's what I said." She glared at him. She was now so close she had to raise her head to a comical extent to actually be able to look him in the eyes. Kylo instead did his best to wipe the tiny smirk off his face -how had that gotten there, anyway?- and look super frustrated at what he was about to say.

"Fine. I guess you can come over to my place and wait for Hux to be back."

Yeah, they hated each other. Normally, he would have just left her out there to freeze. Or would he? Now that he thought about it, no matter how much Rey got on his nerves, he wasn't nearly evil enough to do such a thing. But anyway, he at least tried to convince himself he didn't want her to come.

She rolled her eyes. "Do you live far from here?"

"Not at all."

"God… I don't think my legs work enough for me to walk."

"I'm not carrying you if that's what you're trying-"

"Oh my God, Kylo, no!" Rey groaned. In all honesty, though, being carried by someone like Kylo could never harm her, could it? From the moment she had met him, she had thought about what something like that would feel like. He was just… so tall. And he looked strong enough to carry her around the block without a sweat.

She stomped her foot and started walking ahead of him, trying to prove she didn't need him. But one of the strong arms she was just imagining hoisting her, wrapped around her shoulders and halted her. Kylo dragged her a bit, until she was back next to him.

"It's this way," he pointed at the exact opposite direction with his free hand, and started walking. 

Without taking his arm off of her.

Rey boldly put her arm around his waist. The height difference felt better in this position. They walked down the empty street holding each other as if they were a couple. And Rey couldn't, for the life of her, get that idea off her head. A little pool of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach, remembering Hux. But she wasn't doing anything wrong, was she?

***

Rey did something very, _very_ wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was my first chapter. I hope you liked it! I just had this idea for this story, and couldn't wait until I was done with my exams to write it. So, I'll be updating once week,at least for now, and then when it's summer time, I'll probably be able to undate more often! 
> 
> Brace yourselves for angst, slow burn, and eventually smut. There will be a lot of it, I promise!
> 
> If you leave kudos, a comment, or anything really, you will probably make my life so much better, I'll even manage to do great with my exams! 
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> PS: check out this quick sketch I made for this chapter https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/174109882309/rey-swifted-to-face-him-her-eyes-were-half-open


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I'm updating a lot earlier than I thought I would. I just decided to give you as much content now as possible, because I don't know how often I'll be able to update during my exams. Please enjoy <3

Kylo woke up to the taste of blood in his mouth. That wasn't a good sign. He half opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a bottle of beer laying horizontally on his night desk. That wasn't a good sign either. He always took drinks with him in bed when he was super wasted. He watched as a drop hanged from the bottle, waiting for it to fall and join the rest of the drink on his floor, as he tried to remember what happened yesterday. The concert. He remembered all of that. Then the car ride was a little foggy in his brain, but still, the feeling it gave his stomach remained. Then he was walking home.

With Rey.

His eyes widened. Had she gotten back after all? Was she still there? He silently prayed she had the decency to leave before he woke up so that he wouldn't have to see her face first thing in the morning. Or, actually, not her face. That didn't bother him that much. It was actually… quite cute. But he really didn't want to hear her talk. Her talent of getting on his nerves in a matter of milliseconds was something to be truly amazed by.

But it was quiet. And hot and nice there. Surely, if she was still there, he would be able to feel it in the air. It would stink.

But he decided to get off the bed and go check the couch or the kitchen or… the bathroom. Honestly, if they had both drunk even more after they got there, she could have fallen asleep anywhere. With that thought, he made a mental list and also put "pavement" in it. Just in case she had tried to escape and passed out right in front of his house. If it were even a couple of steps further away, he would just leave her there.

But before he could even get out of his room, a scream stopped him. His head ringed and he cursed, loudly.

Of course. Rey was in his fucking bed.

She was suddenly fully aware of how many clothes she had on. Or, rather, how many she didn't. She pulled the covers hurriedly around her, and a second later, she pulled them so that they were also covering her face. Because it was burning. And she didn't what _him_ to see her blush like that. Her eyes started watering from anger, and she would have screamed again if loud noises weren't so murderous in that moment.

"Are you…" she heard his voice muffled. He sounded calm. "Are you okay?"

"Give me my clothes!"

The demand was met with silence. Because Kylo was just realizing she was, quite possibly, completely naked. In his bed. His friend's girlfriend, whom he absolutely despised, was naked in his bed. He cursed himself.

"Why are you- Where are- What-"

"Just give me my fucking clothes, dammit!"

He looked around. "Where are they?"

There was a pause as Rey tried to remember. But she really didn't remember anything after she fell asleep in the cab. Had Kylo gotten her straight to his place?

She pushed the covers back down, suddenly not caring enough about what was visible to him and what wasn't. She was, after all, still drunk.

"Did you rape me?" she yelled.

The look of shock and aggravation on his face was almost funny. "What?" he hissed.

"I fell asleep in the taxi! You- you got me here and… And…"

"I didn't do anything to you. If anything, you were the one who was hitting on me."

Her mouth dropped. "Excuse me? I was _asleep_!"

Kylo started shaking his head abruptly, his hair flapping over his hot red ears. He was starting to lose control. "No, no. You woke up. Don't you remember? You woke up and came here willingly. You wanted this."

Rey jumped off the bed, struggling to keep the heavy blanket around her body. "I'm with Hux! I never wanted this. And I especially never wanted _you_ , so just get that off your mind right now!"

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, pulling it back as if he _wanted_ to hurt himself. He took a couple of deep breaths, avoiding her burning gaze. "Maybe… perhaps we didn't actually do anything."

For just a second, Rey liked that idea. But then she was reminded of the sharp soreness between her legs. She wouldn't know, but she guessed it was because they did do at least _something_. Her eyes looked around the room as if trying to find clues. And landed on a used condom on the floor. Her stomach shifted, and the taste of the burrito she had had the previous evening came to her mouth.

"Right. That's why _that_ is there." She gestured at it with her eyes and stormed out.

Kylo squatted down to pick it up and throw it in the bin. When he appeared in the living room, he saw Rey moving around, one hand keeping the blanket on her, the other picking up scattered pieces of her outfit. She was panicking, and he felt like joining in on the chaos.

What had they done? It wasn't just that he didn't want her in general, but it was that… Gosh, that was Hux's girlfriend! He had spent so much time scolding him for picking her, and now he had slept with her? And, well, it wasn't that he was super fond of Hux himself, but having let him down like that did make him feel guilty. And the idea of how rightfully mad he would be when he would found out made him a little sad. Great, not only Rey kept ruining everything she got her hands on, she would ruin his friendship with Hux, too.

"Don't tell Hux," he found himself saying. No, he couldn't have her ruining his friendship with him. This was just a mistake. A stupid, _stupid_ mistake. It would never happen again. Hux didn't have to know. Everything could go back to normal.

Rey shot her head up. She was crying now and didn't even bother stopping it. But she did give him the harshest look she could.

"Are you kidding me? I can't… I'm not gonna be that girl."

Kylo stomped over to her. "You're only going to make things worse, Rey. Trust me. He really doesn't need to know about this."

"No, Kylo," she yelled. "I'm not a cheater, okay? I don't do that. I don't care how _you_ do things but-"

He grabbed her arm and yanked her forward. Rey hissed at the pain his fingers caused on her skin but didn't want to say anything. She was strong. She wouldn't be intimidated by him.

But Kylo didn't say what he was about to. He loosened his grip on her, and she immediately freed herself. More tears came to her eyes and he bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from feeling so guilty.

"I love Hux," she sobbed, her red eyes burning his as they stared. "I love him and I never wanted to do this to him. He doesn't deserve it."

Kylo gulped. She looked like hell. She felt like so, too. And none of it was her fault. He tried to remind himself he hated her, that he shouldn't feel so bad about this. But it did nothing. He really felt bad, and he really didn't hate her at that moment. He hated himself.

He ran back in his room, locked the door. Rey thought he was, for once, acting as he should and giving her some space. But the truth was he had started shaking and felt the conscious part of his mind leaving him. She really didn't want anything to do with him, and he probably just took advantage of her drunken state and sexually harassed her. _Raped_ her. The horror of the crime he had committed was nothing compared to the guilt he felt for hurting her. It was personal. Suddenly, he realized how much he didn't want to ever hurt her.

Rey heard Kylo screaming from his room as she got dressed. Something shattered. And then there was a loud noise that vibrated through the walls. She wiped her cheeks with her palms and ran out of the house. The bright sun made her think of what that really was; the walk of shame. Truly, she felt so ashamed. How had she let this happen?

She didn't have the nerve to face Hux yet. She started walking and walking, and probably hours later she found herself outside of campus. Her feet were swollen and hurt so much, she thought she wouldn't make it inside. But she did, and when she got in her dorm room, Rose was there.

"Girl, you look terrible! What happened?" the girl put down her textbook to eye at her roommate. "Was the concert so bad?"

"Concert was fine. I just need to take a shower." Maybe, if that shower was magical enough, it could wash off the guilt, and the filth she could feel all over her body. Truly, she could feel _him_ everywhere.

Rey threw her jacket and purse on her bed and started looking for her toiletries. Rose stood up and took Rey in a hug. She did that whenever she thought someone might need one.

"I got a little worried when you didn't come back last night, but just assumed you slept at Hux's," she said. Rey stopped what she was doing so that Rose could hug her more easily. "I know you said it might finally be the night you two… you know. But girl, this is not what you're supposed to look like the next day! Are you all right?"

She pulled back just enough to look at Rey's eyes, and her concerned look made her roommate's eyes cloud once more.

"Did something go wrong? Did you guys have a fight, or… did you break up?"

Rey smiled at that. She knew Rose didn't really like Hux. Neither did Finn nor Poe. In fact, she hated Kylo so much because she knew he didn't like him either and thought it was very hypocritical of him to pretend to be his friend. But Rose's worry was genuine. And it felt nice.

"I'm just… really drunk," she muttered.

Rose believed that. But she didn't believe it was just that.

"So nothing happened yesterday? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

That was it. Rey broke down crying. Rose just held her tighter and she was very grateful for that.

Kylo, on the other hand, didn't have the luxury to calm down even for a moment. He was checking his phone constantly, waiting for that call from Hux that never came. Maybe Rey hadn't told him after all. It surprised him, but it was relieving too. Then again, perhaps she had and was just still arguing with him. He couldn't take it any longer, he needed to know.

He almost called Hux. But then he thought better of it, and decided to text him.

Did you and Rey talk?

He erased it immediately. No, that was bad. If they hadn't, he would be suspicious.

Are you with Rey?

No, not that one either. Why would he care? Supposedly, they hate each other. Asking if they were together would be even more suspicious.

Hey, where are you?

He sent that one before he could change his mind. And Hux replied back soon enough.

Just got home y

Just now? From last night?

Yeah dude I was so drunk yesterday I didn't even make it home

Where did you sleep?

But Hux didn't reply. Of course. He rarely does, and having actually gotten as many as two texts from him in a row was a miracle. He calmed himself down a bit, thinking that his inevitable doom hadn't come yet. But he didn't get too many moments of peace, as his memory from last night started clearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life <3


	3. No Harm Done

It had been a week, but Kylo had heard nothing from Rey. He had barely seen Hux, only when they were both in the university, and they didn't say much. He thought perhaps Rey and he had broken up. Couldn't tell by their minimal interactions whether he knew what exactly had happened or not. But it couldn't have been that hard to deduce; Kylo and Rey had shared a cab in the middle of the night, she didn't show up at his place, and he avoided him at all costs. 

But then he touched his shoulder, and he jumped a little, the idea that he was in danger ringing in his head. Everyone had left the lab, he thought Hux had too. He could totally win in a fight with him if he wanted to, but, well, he took his girl, how rude of him would it be if he broke his nose, too? 

"You done yet?" Hux said next to his ear. Kylo didn't turn to look at him. 

"Um… yeah. Yeah." He clicked to shut down the computer he was working on, and Hux tapped him and moved away. 

"Good. Will you come over tonight? We'll watch a movie or something." 

Finally, Kylo felt brave enough to look at his _friend_. If he was inviting him for a movie night, he probably didn't know. Unless he planned on murdering him there. 

He stood up awkwardly, his palms smoothing down his pants, and he avoided eye contact as if it could kill him. "I don't really know, man." 

Hux was already towards the door, putting on his coat. "Oh, come on! We haven't hung out since the concert." When he was finished, he pointed a finger at the tall, broad man. "If you're not there by 10 you're gonna suffer the consequences." 

And then he left. Kylo sighed. He had to go, didn't he? If he wanted everything to go back to being normal, he had to go. Perhaps the soul-consuming guilt would get better over time. 

***

Rey had been avoiding both Kylo and Hux. She had focused on actually studying a bit, and didn't initiate any socialization with other people. To her surprise, Hux didn't really look for her either. They did text a bit, but he never even questioned why she hadn't shown up at his place that night, or any night after that. She appreciated the space, and couldn't help but compare it to what Kylo would have done instead. The man simply had no manners. It was a miracle he hadn't shown up in her dorm room for God knows what yet. 

She shivered at the thought. Not because she felt threatened by him. She hadn't remembered what exactly had happened on the night of their sin, but it was enough to know better than put all the blame on him. Damn, who knew how horny drunk Rey really was? No, she shivered because the idea of him at her door, surely taking up the whole space and barely fitting through, sent a rush of heat to her lower stomach. Apparently, she had forgotten about their time together, but her body hadn't. 

"Are you cold?" Rose's voice brought her back to reality. 

She shook her head and closed the math textbook she was pretending to be studying. Rose took that as an invitation to say more. 

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" 

"I thought about staying in…" she trailed off. 

"But?" 

"But Hux invited me over." 

A mischievous smile appeared on the girl's round face. "Oh! Is tonight gonna be the night, then?" 

Rey blushed. She looked down. "No, Rose, it's not like that." Of course, she couldn't actually tell her what it was really like. Sure, Rose didn't hate Kylo as much as she disliked Hux, and Rey knew that, no matter how good of a friend she tried to be. But still, she would just earn a couple of slaps from her, and she had already slapped herself enough times. She needed a time out to just be miserable instead. "But I'll probably still go." 

"You should totally go! Rey, you have barely left this room in days. I'll pick your outfit!" 

And just like that, the girl was roaming around her personal belongings without waiting for an approval. 

Yes, Rey should probably go. She had to face him eventually. Perhaps it would be a good time to confess. 

***

When 10 pm was finally closing in, Kylo arrived outside Hux's house. He was too buried in his thoughts to notice the cars, or the noises, or even the distinct voice of a woman, and not Hux. Actually, maybe he was just stupid. How on Earth do you miss clues like these? But anyhow, he did, and so the air was knocked out of his lungs when the door opened, and guess who; freaking Rey was standing right in front of him. 

Her face immediately flared up. She had swallowed it when she had seen Phasma and a couple of other of Hux's friends there, but she really couldn't bare _him_ as well. She turned abruptly and stomped away without a word. Kylo closed the door behind him. 

She walked right over to Hux and sat on his lap. Of course, she did it on purpose. Beforehand, she was actually sitting across the room from him, not wanting to pretend everything was great and just straight up lie to him. No, she wasn't like some _others_ who did exactly that. But now she suddenly felt the need to rub in Kylo's face that she was off limits. 

He walked around the place, greeting everyone with a forced smile. He didn't expect anyone to be there. It was a bit relieving, but at the same time, super nerve-racking. Because he _really_ didn't expect _her_ to be there. He sat on an empty seat across from Rey and Hux -it was actually her previous seat- and stared. Literally stared. It was idiotic, he knew that, but, Gosh, there was no way of making his eyes swift, was there? She was sitting on Hux, and he knew it was done on purpose. The receiving man of such an honor didn't pay any attention to the young girl, instead chatting with a guy next to him. But Rey still moved her arms up and down his body and shifted slightly on his lap every once in a while. Kylo snorted. What was she even trying to accomplish with that? What kind of immature game was this?

Rey was acutely aware of him staring. She kept her gaze on the guy Hux was talking to, or on Hux himself, but her attention was over at the man with the dark hair across the room. Did he really have a problem with his brain? Why was he being so obviously creepy? Someone could notice.

After a while, Hux looked over at him. He commented something about him making it after all. 

"I didn't know others would be here, too," Kylo muttered, glancing at Rey once again. 

Hux chuckled. "What did you think it was going to be then? Netflix and chill?" 

A laughter spread over the room. He and Rey were the only ones who didn't join in. Then Phasma grabbed a beer can and extended it to him. 

"Ben, want a beer?" 

Before he could decline -he was not going to have beer again for a long time- Rey started giggling. Everyone looked at her, but it was only him with such annoyance. 

"Ben? Did you mean Ren?" she breathed between her laughs. 

There was an amused silence until she calmed down. 

"Do you really not know his name?" Hux finally looked at her, perhaps for the first time that evening, with a barely contained smile. 

Rey frowned. "Is it not Kylo Ren?" 

The party laughed again. Kylo didn't like where this was going. 

"No, girl, Kylo Ren is just what we call him." One of the guys she had already forgotten the name of told her. "Do you know why?" 

"Don't-" Kylo started saying. 

"No, why?" Rey leaned in with genuine interest in her voice. 

"When he created his first Facebook account he put that name. Because he thought it was too dangerous to use his real one!" 

Kylo clenched his hands into tight fists, not only because everyone started laughing again, but because Rey looked like she would die of it. Her face was bright red and she had trouble breathing. All for making fun of him. 

"No way! How did he come up with that?" 

"I'm pretty sure he just took Kyle Ron and changed it a bit." 

Rey shrieked. This was way too good to be true. Sure, Kylo Ren was an unusual name, but she had just assumed it was foreign. But this? Oh, this was gold! 

"Are you done?" Kylo snarled, finally annoyed enough with them talking as if he wasn't there. 

But Rey kept on tittering. "What's-" she wiped a tear from under her eye, "-what's his real name, then?" 

"Ben Solo." 

She snorted. "Guess it suits him. He really is Solo, isn't he?" And she started laughing again. 

His left eye twitched. And his voice boomed in the room, overlapping any other noise or giggle. "I wasn't Solo last Friday." 

Rey choked on her own breath. The time it took her to stop laughing was remarkably short. Kylo was staring again, keeping his eyes locked with hers, nostrils flared, brow furrowed. Her own eyes had widened to the point she thought they would pop off her skull. 

How. Fucking. _Stupid_ could he be? If people hadn't realized what had happened between them, they sure caught the comment now. And if somehow by a miracle, hadn't put one plus one together by then, they would _definitely_ do now that they were both glaring at each other like two hyenas ready to attack. 

But maybe it was just in her head. There was only heard a "Nice!" by someone, and then everyone turned their attention to the movie they were about to start. 

But she couldn't just let that go. She could swear her blood was boiling, and the need to scream and break things was peaking at that moment. 

"I'm going to the kitchen," she said suddenly, more loudly than needed, all while staring at Kylo. Then she rushed right where she'd said she'd be. 

She needed to get away from there. To calm herself. Although that seemed absolutely impossible at that moment. But she had looked at him in a way she hoped would make him follow her. She really needed to bawl at him and curse him, and perhaps even choke him with her bare hands. And thankfully he got the hint. 

He appeared in the kitchen only a few moments later, silent, but clearly upset too. She almost started yelling the second he walked in, but she reminded herself that no one must hear them. Instead, she put her arms up and _shoved_ him with all the strength her panicked body could master. 

"Are you fucking insane?" she tried saying in a whisper, but it was less of a success. 

Kylo didn't say anything at first. He was a bit distracted by this whole situation. The whole escaping-the-group-to-meet-in-secret deal. It was pretty sexy. And if they weren't about to tear each other's eyes out, he would have probably been turned on. If it wasn't Rey who was actually there, he would have probably taken her on that table right then. 

He calmly turned and shut the door to the small room close so that most of the noises be blocked. The kitchen was at the other end of the apartment where the others were, so unless anyone was eavesdropping, they would probably get away with this. 

"They know we were together, Kylo! Honestly, what is wrong with you?" 

"Oh, please, no one realised a thing." 

Rey snorted. "Phasma and Hux definitely did! They know we shared a taxi, and then you go tell them you weren't alone?" 

"All I said was that I wasn't alone, I didn't say anything inappropriate." 

"Stop acting stupid, everyone knows exactly what you meant." 

They were getting closer every time in need of shout-whispering at each other. Rey was already feeling her face burning, and getting so close she could feel Kylo's hot breath on her cheeks didn't help at all. He looked angry, too, but a lot more collected. 

"No one understood a thing, Rey. It's you who is being paranoid." 

" _I'm_ being paranoid? Oh my God, I can't believe-"

"The concert was on Saturday, Rey." 

She swallowed her words. 

"I just said I wasn't alone on Friday. No one thought I was talking about the night we were together." 

Rey let her shoulders drop and took a step back. Had she really misinterpreted his words so much? But no. He really, really had said them in a way she just knew he meant her. He had… _looked_ at her in a way she knew he was remembering their night together. It was so obvious, she could practically see the image of her riding him projected from his eyes onto her. 

Kylo's breaths were coming out of his nose loudly, his mouth was pressed to a thin line, and his eyes looked at her expectingly as she took in the information, and admitted defeat. For a split second, he glanced down, supposedly at her lips, and the burning feeling covering her body settled at the pit of her stomach. 

Had he really been with someone else, just one night before he went with her? 

No, not really. Kylo _did_ mean her when he said what he said. He had just said Friday to protect them both.

But Rey didn't know that, and a new form of anger started simmering inside her. The audacity of the man, to have actually just used her like the poor girl he probably used on Friday, too. Sure, seducing her wasn't exactly in his plans for that weekend… but still. It made Rey that much more furious at him. 

"Let's just go back," Kylo said, finally. 

He knew he didn't have to force her in any way into following him. Her face of anger had been replaced by shock, and her eyes looked somewhat hurt. If he didn't know better, if he didn't know what kind of spiteful person this seemingly innocent girl was, he would have thought she looked jealous. 

They appeared in the living room again together, and Hux shot a look at the two of them. 

"Took you two long enough for a quickie." 

Rey's mouth dropped, and so did Kylo's. Her cheeks caught fire and her throat was sliced wide open. 

Hux just looked at them frozen in place one more time. "I'm just kidding, guys. Now just come here, the movie has already started." 

They forced their legs to work. Kylo sat down on his seat again, but Rey avoided Hux, choosing to sit on the floor instead. Neither of them really saw any of the movie. Their eyes were constantly on the screen, but it was with too much force to actually be able to comprehend what was happening. If being hypnotized looked like something, it was definitely that. Neither dared to even shoot a glance at the other's direction. Yet somehow each other was the only thing they were aware of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... Basically they still "hate" each other, but like, their "bodies" don't. You know. JUST the bodies. 
> 
> Btw if anyone is actually into Hux or something, I have a different story that's Hux x original female character. It's called Lillibet. I wrote it for my best friend! 
> 
> Anyways I hoped you liked this chapter. Comment what you think is going to happen, or what you'd like to see. 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	4. All the single ladies...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update? So soon? It's more likely than you think...

"Finn is going to come over in a while… Just letting you know," Rey mumbled to Rose through the pillow that was under her face. 

"Oh. Finn is coming?" Her roommate's voice came out so high pitched it made her raise her head and look at her with narrowed eyes. 

The short girl had color rising to her cheeks and a barely contained smile. _Oh no_. 

"Rose… do you like Finn?" she said slowly. 

Her eyes widened and she gasped. "What? No. No! Where did you get that from?" It was impossible for her to say that without chuckling. 

Rey eyed her for a second. She knew she had hit a soft spot there, but decided to respect that Rose didn't want to admit anything. 

"Well, good. Because you know he's… um… he's dating Poe." 

The girl's eyes lost their spark and her smile disappeared. "I knew that." Her voice sounded robotic. 

Rey felt bad. Here she'd thought her situation was bad. But she had the man she wanted and plus one more she didn't want. And more importantly, Hux wasn't gay. 

"I'm gonna go now," Rose said suddenly and stood up. 

"No, hey. You can stay." Rey secretly did want her to go, so that she could talk to her friend more openly. But she would never actually tell her that. 

"It's alright, I have some errands to run, anyway." 

She changed silently and walked to the door. Just before she opened it, there was a knock, and then Finn appeared. Rose just blushed at the sight of him, and Rey realized it was the first time she wasn't smiling brightly in his presence. 

Finn shot a smile at her. "Hello." 

"Hey Finn. I-- I was just leaving." 

And just like that, she was gone. The man looked a little confused at her hurry but decided not to say anything about it. He closed the door and looked at Rey laying on her bed on her stomach. 

"So. You're alive," he commented. 

"Barely." 

Finn moved and sat down across from her on Rose's bed. Rey had buried her face in her pillow again and hadn't looked at him. She knew why he was there, what he was waiting to hear. But she couldn't just _say_ such a thing. So, instead, she talked about her roommate. 

"I just told Rose you have a boyfriend. I don't think she knew." 

She heard a little huff from Finn. "Is that why you called me here for?" 

Rey wrinkled her nose. "No," she admitted. "But I think it broke her heart." She finally turned to look at his expression. 

He just frowned, a little confused. "Oh," he muttered, but that was it. He recollected himself and glared at her intensely because he knew her well enough to know she was just stalling. But Rey just let her head drop back down. 

"Peanut… You have been dormant for, like, two weeks. Will you finally tell me what's bothering you." 

"It's not been two weeks…" she groaned and sat up. "Just about nine days." 

"So something did happen." He stood up and sat down beside her. "Nine days, huh? Last Sunday, then?" He put a hand on her back and started stroking slightly. 

"Finn... I need to break up with Hux." 

He froze for a moment, but then, to her surprise, laughed. "Oh no. Was he _that_ disappointing?" 

Rey didn't understand what he was referring to at first. But then she recalled telling him what she planned on doing after the concert with her boyfriend. 

"No, no… it's not about that. That actually never happened." 

He made a noise of realization. "Is that why you wanna end it? I mean, I wouldn't blame you. The guy has waited too long." 

She glared at him. "No, Finn, he's just waiting until I'm ready." 

"Until you're ready? Rey, you're nineteen, not fifteen. He has clearly been avoiding this." 

Rey hit her palms on her legs a little frustrated, but not really at Finn. Deep down she knew he was right. 

"He didn't want to scare me because he's so much older." 

"No, the guy clearly has insecurities or something. As if you would be scared by something like that." 

She sighed. Her mind roamed to her night with Kylo, and no matter how much she hated _him_ , she could never say the same about what they'd done. Not really. Everything was a blur, but even the few images of him pinning her on the wall, or him taking her clothes off were enough to make her panties damp. She played again in her head, for the millionth time, the moment he had pushed a finger inside her, and she had yelped in surprise and pleasure. That feeling wasn't lost to her, and whenever she thought about it, she could practically feel him again. It was just one finger, but his hands are massive, and it was inexplicably-

"Rey?" 

Finn's voice brought her back to reality. She had forgotten about him! She turned her head and stared at his concerned eyes, her breath coming out a little too sharp for the moment. Clearing her throat, she spoke again. 

"No, it's not because of that. I just… I need to break up with him." 

He once again just laughed. "Who's the guy?" 

"What?" the question came out like a squeal. 

"Poe and I have been trying to convince you to leave that douche for months, and suddenly you _just_ want to break things up? No, girl, something else is going on here." 

For some reason Rey felt a little offended. "There doesn't need to be another _guy_. Not everything has to do with that." 

"Hey, hey, I know," Finn half-hugged her. "I know, peanut. It's just that I thought you really liked him, for God knows what reason, and it seems a little surprising to just want to let him go now. Is there something more you're not telling me?" 

Rey pulled away. Her eyes were roaming around the room, and she felt like she had done something so bad, she couldn't even say it out loud. 

"I don't want to break up with him," she spoke in a whisper. "But something happened… and he has the right to know. And I'm afraid that once he knows, he won't want to be with me anymore." 

Finn finally realized. He took her hand in his and squeezed it slightly, trying to comfort her. "Well, whatever it is that happened, if he really loves you, he'll forgive you." Then he put a hand under her chin to lift her head high and eyed at the tears that had started forming. "And if he doesn't, trust me, you'll survive. It will be his loss, peanut." 

Rey couldn't believe how she could have such an amazing friend. Finn despised Hux and his friends, with Phasma topping them all. But he still managed to be very supportive of her stupid decisions. She hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest. And a few minutes passed before he talked again. 

"So… is this _thing_ that happened... a guy?" 

She could practically hear his smirk. She had refused that another man was the reason she had to break things off with Hux, but dammit, Finn was right and he knew it. 

"Yes…" she sobbed. "But I didn't want to- I don't want him. I was really, _really_ drunk." 

"Drunk? Oh, peanut. Was this at the concert?" He stretched his arms out to pull her away and look at her face. 

Rey considered her answer. If she said yes, he could think of Kylo, who was the only other straight guy at their party, or he could think of a total stranger she probably met there. If she said no, he would definitely think of Kylo, as he knew she went back home with him. So she said:

"Yes." 

Finn narrowed his eyes a bit. She could see it in their reflection; Kylo came to his mind immediately. And she knew he wouldn't approve. He was probably happy to hear things were bad between her and Hux at last, but actually leaving him to go to Kylo? That was basically choosing between two bad choices, for him. 

"Do I know him?" he asked slowly, and she knew what he was basically saying. He knew too, that she knew. Is it the tall, handsome but utterly douchy guy you were supposed to hate?

Rey didn't like lying to her best friend. But she couldn't have _that_ conversation at that moment either. 

"I bet you don't even know his name." 

She used those words exactly because they weren't entirely untrue; she bet he didn't know his _real_ name, Ben Solo. Tricking her mind to think she wasn't lying made her feel just this much better. 

"Do you think if I told Hux he would be mad at me?" 

Finn took his hands from her and looked at the floor, considering her query. "Well, you were drunk, so perhaps not so much. But he will absolutely be maniacally mad at whoever it is you kissed." 

Rey gulped. Finn thought that she had just kissed someone. She wishes it was just that. And then she gave what he had just said some thought. Hux perhaps could forgive her. But he would never forgive Kylo. Or, well, it could go the other way around. She was just a girlfriend, after all, whereas Kylo was his friend. Hux hadn't even told her he loved her back. She tried to think about who meant more to him, his friend or his girlfriend. It seemed like neither did, in all honesty. He constantly budded heads with Kylo, and he hadn't been with Rey long enough to perhaps _really_ care for her. 

She would have to risk it, she thought. 

***

That same evening, after Kylo had finally gotten home and sat down to relax after a long Monday, Hux called him. The idea of him finally finding out did cross his mind, but he pushed it to the back. It had been too long. If Rey wanted to tell him the truth, she would have done it already. He was just being paranoid at that point. 

But then when he answered, his stomach got tied to a knot. Hux was… crying. And shouting. It was impossible to understand what he was saying at first, and Kylo started panicking. Surely, that was the reaction of someone who had just found out his girlfriend had cheated on him with his best friend. 

"Hux. What happened? Clam down. What happened?" 

He was trying so hard to sound like he didn't already know what had happened. He had jumped on his couch and was standing on it, his arm stretched above his head, holding the ceiling. A true friend would just go over right then. He lived fairly close, so it was the least he could do. But no, the idea of Hux emotionally unstable and very, _very_ angry at him made him take the idea off his mind. 

"Rey-" Hux was sobbing, but snarling at the same time. He had honestly never heard anyone do that before. "She- argh… She dumped me." 

So it wasn't just a fight. It wasn't just that she had told him what had happened. She had broken up with him, too. It was a little strange. He would have guessed that Hux would be the one doing the dumping. But a whisper in his brain, just a tiny one in the back, told him that perhaps if he survives this, it could mean something better for Rey and him. That, perhaps, she had broken up with Hux because she liked him. 

He slapped himself out of it. How could he even think about something like that? That girl- that despicable, idiotic girl- had just made his friend a complete mess. He had warned her not to tell him. That it would be better that way. But no. She just _had_ to go and screw everything up. 

"Why?" Kylo asked the weeping man. "Why did she break up with you?" 

"She didn't even tell me!" 

_What?_

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, Ren- she just broke up with me and gave me no reason!" He then screaked, and Kylo heard the distinctive noise of something breaking. 

So… Rey hadn't told him? He was safe. Hux didn't know. He could, after all, go comfort him. And then he would deal with _her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not much happened here. But the next chapter is gonna have some juice! And it won't take too long for me to update, pinky promise :))


	5. Let's talk(?) this out

The next day, after Rey was finished with her classes, she went grocery shopping. She got ramen (which was basically eighty percent of her diet as a college student) but also indulged in a couple of boxes of cheap chocolate. She needed something in order to swallow her grief.

She felt mostly guilty. But also very depressed. Everything was perfect before Kylo went and screwed it up. She had her boyfriend, her friends, her enemies… everything was the way it was supposed to be. Now? Now her lover was her enemy, she was the enemy of her loved one, and her friends were people she couldn't be herself around. And the worst of all? She didn't feel as bad as she should.

No, she didn't really regret sleeping with Kylo. Not as much as she told herself. And she didn't really miss Hux. She just tried to make herself feel sad. And she felt like she shouldn't keep _that_ secret, even though the logical part of her told her she should take it to her grave.

She bought the cheap chocolate to eat it all and feel sad about it. Perhaps then she'd cry. Perhaps she'd realize what she had lost, which was everything. Perhaps getting fat and miserable was the key to keep herself sane.

But when she got to her dorm room, she realized, in a flash, there was another way to do that. Yell her guts out at _this_ man. This tall, grumpy man that was standing in the middle of her room.

Rose was sitting on her bed, and the moment Rey walked in, jumped to her feet. "He insisted on waiting for you here," she told her, doing her best to excuse the audacity of having Kylo freaking Ren in their dorm room. She looked a little scared, maybe threatened, and Rey thought Kylo probably was insistent by being mean. That made her even angrier.

"Will you please leave us alone?" she asked Rose with the calmest voice she could muster, but her eyes never left the unmoving man.

Rose nodded frantically and ran away. The door closed behind Rey, but they didn't move or say anything right away. So she just put her messenger bag on the small desk and her groceries on the floor.

"I thought getting rid of Hux meant getting rid of you too."

She didn't particularly like saying 'getting rid of Hux', but she just said it to get on his nerves.

"Oh no. You're not going to get rid of me that easily."

That sounded so much like a threat that the tiny hairs at the back of Rey's neck shoot up. Kylo watched her as she glared at him with all her energy. She looked like she hadn't slept for days. _Good_ , he thought. She should be in the same miserable state she put his friend.

"What are you doing here? How did you even know where I live?"

The truth was that he had looked it up at the university system. Working with professor Snoke had perks like that. But when Rey offered an alternative -"Did Hux tell you?"- he just agreed, recognizing that was a lot less creepy.

"Did he send you here? _You?"_

Kylo crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "No, I came here on my own."

She shot her eyebrows up in fake surprise. "Right, 'cause if he really knew the kind of person you are, he would never have sent you here."

He was doing his best not to get mad. But his best was just so, _so_ bad. His legs moved forward as if on their own accord. It was good though, he thought because his inhuman height helped his glares down at her be that much scarier and imperative.

"And if he knew what kind of person _you_ are, he would never want you back."

Rey mimicked his posture, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, good, because we're not getting back together."

His left eye twitched, and he was now so close, and his breaths so intense, he was fanning her hair slightly. "Yes, you are."

"Excuse me?"

He put his hand on his pocket and took his phone out. "You're gonna call him right now and take back whatever you told him."

Rey laughed at that, taking a step back to avoid his phone. "You must be insane."

Kylo held the phone a little further out. He was glaring at her with an intensity that threw her off balance whenever she looked into his eyes for a second too long. Rey rolled her eyes, _hard_. She scoffed, once, twice-

"And what do you care, huh? Why do you want me and Hux together so bad? Is it because if I'm single and not with you, you'll know it's actually my _choice_?"

His eyes widened, and for a moment she thought he would hit her. But he just stared, shocked at the nude honesty of her words, and panted slightly. He wrinkled his nose.

"You hurt him, Rey." He took his outstretched arm down with force and his voice got considerably louder. His avoiding of her questions was way too conspicuous. "I told you to just let everything be. But you went and did the exact opposite."

"I'm not just gonna be with someone I cheated on, Kylo," she yelled back. "He either had to know what happened, or we had to break up. And in case you didn't notice, I broke up with him in order to protect you!"

Kylo took a step closer, closing once again the gap between them. "Me?"

"Yes, you! I didn't want to end things with Hux, Kylo. I loved him! But if I told him what happened, chances were he would never talk to you again. So I did that to help you!"

"I never asked for your help." His tone was that of someone screaming with uncontrollable anger. But the volume of his voice was very low. Dangerously low.

"Well, kudos. I helped you anyway. Because I'm a nice person, and that's what good people do, in case you didn't know. They sacrifice themselves, their own needs and desires, in order to help others."

"I don't fucking care if I never talk to Hux again in my life, Rey. I don't care. I can't go back and undo what I have done, but even if I could, I don't think I would. I'm not taking any of this back."

Her stomach twisted at that. She had never thought if she would erase what had happened if she could. But knowing that Kylo wouldn't, made her feel… something.

"But I do care if he is crying and miserable when he could very well be happy," he continued. "If you love him so much, just stay the fuck with him. He'll be happy, you'll be happy. What's the deal?"

"The deal is, Ren, that it's not right. What we did was not right at all and now we have to suffer the consequences."

Something inside his brain span and twisted. He was irrationally angry and didn't even know why. Why, exactly, was he so upset that Hux was sad? Why did he care if Rey was with or without him? What was he trying to avoid with this? It didn't make any sense. None of this made any sense. But at that moment, all he knew was how irate he was at her, and her doing everything wrong.

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you fucked me."

He knew he hit too close to home with that comment. Maybe, unconsciously, that's what he was trying to do in the first place. But he didn't expect Rey to actually _punch_ him in the face.

Her fist had flown up before she even had time to form a coherent thought in her brain. And it had collided with his jaw making the best use of all the momentum. But she didn't stop there. She went for another one on his stomach but was stopped by his massive hands wrapping around her arms. Yet, she still didn't stop. She charged forward with her head, and crushed on his chest, making him lose his balance for a second.

Kylo groaned and felt the urge to start kicking her to her side. But he contained himself, and just cursed loudly, trying to stop her attacks. Her hands moved up and found his hair, and she yanked it so hard, she was rewarded with a painful scream from her opponent. But then her breath was cut short, as in return, he closed his arms around her so hard, she could almost feel her ribcage breaking. Her feet lost their touch with the floor, and a moment later, her back hit Rose's mattress with force.

Rey yelped and tried to get up, but massive and heavy Kylo sat on top of her. He held her wrists over her head with a strength what was sure to leave bruises, and trapped her legs with his own. She was restless, moving her head forward to hit his. But he was quick enough to dodge her. He held his torso peeled from hers so as to avoid any headers from her, but the rest of his body was pressing down on hers.

After a couple of seconds, Rey rested down, realizing there wasn't much she could do until he let her go. So she stared into his eyes, waiting for his rant and preparing for the worst. But Kylo seemed to have forgotten what they were fighting about.

It wasn't his fault, really. Rey was under him again, panting and staring and almost sweaty, and his mind couldn't help but point out the similarities with his memories. He had held her like that before, and they had been out of breath and excruciatingly hot. He felt his blood rush to his groin. Great, getting a boner at that moment was exactly what he needed!

He raised himself just a little bit from her to keep her from feeling the obvious bump that had started to form in his pants. What was wrong with him? He didn't want her. Not now, and not ever again. Why was his own body betraying him like that?

Rey just took the opportunity of her little freedom to rise to his height and bite his shoulder down. It was forceful. It was aggressive. Yet all it did was give his member an involuntary jerk. He pinned her down again, avoiding as best as he could touching the thighs that laid under him.

"Don't do that," he said simply, and his voice wasn't angry, just… monitory.

"Get off me," Rey snarled in reply.

He crooked an eyebrow. Somehow, all the previous madness had left him. "Do you promise not to punch me again? I really don't want to hit you."

"I can't promise anything."

"Then I guess we'll have to stay here."

Just to make sure she wrapped her head all around his words, he squeezed her a little tighter, pressing her a little further down the hard mattress. Rey gulped. She had preferred it when his face was red and boiling and he was spitting anger. Now, he looked suspiciously collected, and the intense stare he was giving her felt like it had different intentions. It was awkward, but it worked, and her mind stopped raging so much. Thoughts, actual thoughts started forming inside her head, and even though there were still spiteful, it was an improvement.

"I'm not getting back with Hux," she said finally.

"Why not? I thought you wanted to be with him."

How on Earth did their voices sound like human beings were talking instead of animals? How was it that now they were actually communicating? Perhaps next time Kylo should skip the foreplay and just press her on a bed to talk to her.

"Fine. If I am to be with him though, he has to know."

Kylo crooked his head. "Rey…" he mumbled her name as if it was an argument that would win him this fight and every fight they had. "No."

"Kylo, I can't live with the constant guilt of what we did. It's better this way. He'll just get over me eventually, and so will I."

Kylo felt guilty, too. But it was a lot different. He didn't care enough for Hux to feel it on a personal level. He thought maybe most of his guilt was because he knew Rey was going through a difficult situation. For a moment, he thought about asking her if she had regretted it. But then he scolded himself. Of course, she had. She was drunk, she never wanted any of this. So he didn't ask; because he knew the answer, but he still didn't want to hear it. It would make it real and he wasn't ready to face the truth. Which was, he knew, how unwanted and hated he was, and how he was to be held accountable for everything that was going wrong in her life.

Maybe she was right. They could all get over this eventually. Just let it die in the past. Not think about it, and that way it would starve and disappear.

He got off of her. "Just think about it. And know Hux would have you back in a heartbeat."

He mumbled the words even though he knew he had lost. But they felt strange on his lips. Almost as if they were about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I made some art for this chapter! And I swear this one is better than the previous one :P [ Check it out](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/174334611809/what-we-did-was-not-right-at-all-and-now-we-have)  
> Also, you can always reach out to me on tumblr. This: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylohasconsumedmysoul is my Star Wars/Reylo account, 
> 
> and This https://www.tumblr.com/blog/followmeandillkillyou is my regular (boring) account.  
> Comment and leave kudos if you enjoy this story so far <3


	6. Move on, drink on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, that's right. This IS another update ;)
> 
> Guest Stars: Millicent, prof. Snoke, more alcohol because that's the only way I know how to deal with reality, and so do my characters. (Help)

Kylo could barely keep his eyes open to work. That was, of course, because sleep was not something he did well that night. His mind kept him too occupied, mainly with his interaction with Rey from the previous day. They had disliked each other from the beginning of her relationship with Hux. But they never really fought like that. Mostly, they just avoided each other. But ever since the night of the concert, they were fighting like cats with dogs. And it was strange. How they started getting physical, right after they got _physical_. Their fight from yesterday made Kylo especially skeptical. For his body, at least, it had felt less like a battle and more like a sensual game. It was as if their subconscious wanted them to be close again, and shoving each other was the only way they knew how to do that. 

He found himself constantly in need of a reminder that she didn't want anything to do with him, and neither did he with her. But he couldn't remember what exactly had happened the night they were together, and perhaps what had happened was really… good. And that's why his mind keeps thinking about her. That's why his body tenses and he gets hard when he remembers _anything_ about her. It was a good explanation. One that took all the blame off of him and his conscious feelings. 

But now Rey wasn't with Hux anymore. And she was right; eventually, they would get over that. They would forget and they wouldn't care about each other. Which raised the question: Did that mean there was a possibility of being with her again? 

Hux appeared in the lab then but didn't look even half as sleep-deprived as Kylo was. He looked cheerful. And good. 

Kylo knew immediately what that meant; Rey had listened to him, and they had gotten back together. So… he won that fight after all. Why didn't it feel like a victory? He spotted a purple spot at the side of his friend's neck, and his stomach clenched, shrank, crawled into a tight ball. How far off could he really be about Rey? He thought she hated him, but then she slept with him. Then he thought perhaps she felt the same pull he did, and she went and got back with that jerk. 

Yet, he forced a smile on his face. 

"Hey… you look good," he told Hux. "Did you and Rey work this out, then?" 

The man stopped for a minute and looked at him with a funny face. "No," he chuckled. 

He _chuckled_. What? 

"Seriously? You were a complete mess just a day ago." 

Hux just shrugged. "Yeah, I know. It just came as a shock to me, that's all." 

The way he spoke got on Kylo's nerves. It sounded like he was trying to act cool, but wasn't really. But he looked like he was great. And, well, he didn't want to say anything about it, but there was this _mark_ , too.

"Dude, if you didn't get back with Rey, what is that then?" he pointed at his neck. 

Hux looked at him for a long time without saying anything. He probably hadn't seen the purple spot but deduced what Kylo was referring to. He looked somewhat anxious. Like a little boy caught stealing candy. 

"Just… rebound sex, I guess." 

Kylo felt the tips of his fingers becoming numb. He already found someone else? While he was withering just two nights ago? 

But he didn't say anything. He clenched his jaw and nodded firmly. He wasn't supposed to be affected by this, because he wasn't supposed to even like Rey. But he _was_ affected because it felt like Hux had just betrayed her. And someone betraying her left as real as someone betraying him. 

But maybe that's what it was. He had stood up for Hux. He had found Rey and gotten into a huge fight with her. He had endured her murderous stares that dug daggers into his stomach, he had endured her punches, her screams, her absolute _repulsion_ of him… all so that Hux could get over her so quickly? 

But Rey was, too, already moving on. Well, not in the way Hux was. Her way was going over at Finn and Poe's to play a game the later had invented. It was called "Hux Is A Douche And We're Happy He's Out Of Our Lives". Yeah, that was the name. 

She took Rose with her, too. The more people who disliked Hux, the better, Poe had said. And the four of them had settled on the floor of their small apartment that evening, with a board cut out of a cereal box, and a couple of vodka bottles. The rules of the game were a bit complicated and seemed to be constantly changing as they played on. But the main idea was this: if you landed on a red pile, you had to say something you disliked about Hux, like a trait, or a memory. If you couldn't think of something, you took a shot and read something bad about him from the "We hate Hux because…" cards Poe and Finn had prepared. 

Clearly, the goal of this game was to make Rey really drunk, because she wouldn't be able to say bad things about him. And to also award her for breaking up with him? 

"Red pile!" Rose shrieked as Rey rested her Jelly Bean on the board. They were using Jelly Beans as pawns. 

"Alright, alright," she chuckled and went for the pile of cards. But a dark-skinned hand slapped hers away. 

"Shot first!" Finn said with a fake disciplinary voice. 

"Oh, and this is your fifth time using the cards, so now you have to take five shots instead of one," Poe added. 

"Wha-" 

See? The rules kept changing. But she just grabbed the bottle and chugged for a couple of seconds instead. She was almost the only one drinking, anyway. She gave everyone a "happy now?" look, and got a card. 

"We hate Hux because…" she started reading out loud. "He had a cat called Millicent until last year. She was just like him: ginger, grumpy and mean. She disappeared mysteriously. We think he ate her." 

Rey burst out laughing, and so did everyone else, especially Rose. 

"Come one, guys. He didn't eat his cat," she said, trying to stop herself. Then she remembered the pictures he had shown her of Millicent and lost all control. "She did look like him!" 

After they collected themselves, Rose got ready to play next. But Rey spoke again. 

"No, he didn't eat her. I think she died of cat-stroke or something." 

Poe pointed at her with a finger. "Hey, party pooper! Take a shot now for defending him." 

Rey made a noise of annoyance but complied. Rose landed on a red pile, too. There were so many of them. 

"Oh, I know. One time he held my chin as he criticized my haircut, and I bit his finger!" 

Rey's eyes widened. She hadn't told her about that! But she was having too great of a time to care about it. Also, she was getting tipsy already. And to think that after what happened with Kylo she had sworn never to drink like that again. 

Poe rolled next, but the lucky bastard didn't land on any red piles. Finn did though. 

"Alright…" he mumbled trying to remember of something. 

"Shot?" Rey sounded optimistic. 

"No, no shots. I got this. We hate Hux because his friends are terrible people, like Kylo Ren and _Phasma_." 

Finn had Phasma as his professor for a class last year and has gotten some traumatic experiences ever since, as he put it. But what ringed in Rey's head was the other name that was spoken. They were waiting for her to roll, but she just took a minute. 

"You guys really hate Kylo, too, don't you?" 

They all kind of frowned and looked at each other. Then Finn spoke first, probably because he had in mind that there was still a possibility that Kylo was the mystery concert man, and didn't want to hurt her feelings, in case she had any. She didn't. 

"I mean, I don't know much about him. Just whatever you've told us." 

Her eyebrows shot up as she realized. "Oh. So basically you all just hate him because I did?" 

Rose smiled at her mischievously. "Did?" 

"Do. Because I do," Rey corrected herself, feeling the well-known burning feeling on her cheeks. 

"Yeah, basically. You've told us some pretty bad things he's done," Finn said again. "Also, friendship with Hux goes both ways; we don't like him because he's friends with Hux." 

"Yeah, right. _Friends_ ," Poe mumbled. Rey shot him a glance, and he knew he had to elaborate. "They don't really like each other. And they both know that. They're just using each other, or I don't know, maybe they have no other friends." 

Poe was a grad student. He didn't work with Kylo and Hux, but he knew them for longer than the three of them did. 

"Then maybe we should have invited him, too," Finn said, and Rey knew it was a joke, but it still made her swift on her legs to adjust the feeling that settled low in her.

"Oh…" she mumbled. Then she took a shot without anyone having to force her. "I think that's why I hated Kylo. Because I could tell he didn't like my boyfriend and just pretended to be his friend." 

"You said 'my boyfriend', you have to drink," Poe pointed at her again. Rey did willingly.

"But… now we don't like Hux," Rose said. "So… does that mean… Kylo good?" 

It was funny how her friends were just ready to hate or like anyone she did. It made her feel very protected and loved. She winced at the drink sliding down her throat. 

"I don't know. He _has_ said some awful staff. But it could just be because I was so mean to him." 

"Well, Poe?" Finn turned towards his boyfriend. "You've known him the longest. What is he really like?" 

"Um… well, I'm not sure. Before you showed up he just– he looked normal. Not much of a talker. I actually thought he was pretty lonely." 

Simply the idea of Kylo being lonely made Rey pout, for some reason. She straightened her face soon enough. 

"Then it's settled. We hate Hux because he's friends with terrible people, like Phasma." 

This time Finn left Kylo out. It didn't exactly mean they liked him, but rather that they didn't care enough to concern themselves with him. And then he gave Rey a knowing look. She knew, if he had any suspicions about Kylo and her, he hadn't voiced them to anyone. She felt so much safer. 

"Right, it's your turn," Rose told her. 

She rolled the dice and landed on another red pile. Without putting up a fight, she took a shot, and then a card. 

"We hate Hux because… His P.I. is Snoke, and we have reasons to believe that he is the leader of a satanic cult." Rey laughed. "Is he really that scary?" 

"I swear to you, he tried to hypnotize me once." Finn's eyes were so widened as he said that, she couldn't help but laugh louder. 

"Ah, ah, ah!" Poe stopped her as she tried to pass the dice to Rose. Then he pointed at the board. "This is a circle-red pile. You have to do this twice." 

Rey groaned, but heartily. She could have sworn one of the three of them had landed on a circle before but didn't do this twice. Yet, she took one more shot and went for another card. 

"We hate Hux because…" she mumbled and then raised the card. "His hair" She started giggling, turning the card to show everyone. "That's all it says! And then there's a picture!"

Someone -she'd guess Poe- had drawn a terrible, grumpy stick man with a black coat and ginger hair sticking up. 

And then they continued, with the others finally joining in on her drinking, because they said the cards were too good not to read. And after a couple more rounds, she felt brave and drunk enough to try one without the cards. 

"Alright-"

"Shot!"

"No-no. I'm gonna do this myself." 

The people cheered. 

"Alright. I hate Hux because… he totally abandoned me after the concert, even though I had told him I wanted to take our relationship to the next level that night." 

And the people fell silent. This game wasn't that funny anymore. But that's what they wanted, wasn't it? For her to start hating Hux and get over him? Well, it appears she had more serious reasons to hate him than his hair. 

"Wait…" Rose mumbled, looking at the floor with a frown. "You didn't come back that night, said you were with Hux. Where did you sleep?" 

Oh shit. All three of them were now staring at her, but all three with different looks on their faces. Finn had a calm expression, with his lips pressed together, and she could almost hear his eyes saying "Oh, peanut," at her. Poe had an eyebrow raised, as he clearly recalled her leaving alone with Kylo, and probably was thinking what the odds were that nothing had happened between them. Rose, oblivious and innocent Rose, was just looking at her with pure concern in her eyes. 

This is why she should never drink again. And so, she grabbed the bottle of vodka and chugged at least a glass down. 

"Game is over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess... I like drawing as much as writing? I did Rey, Finn, Poe and Rose playing "Hux Is A Douche And We're Happy He's Out Of Our Lives". Feeling pretty proud :)
> 
> Also, I FINALLY managed to put links here _properly_ so, you know, you should help me celebrate by clicking on them :D
> 
>  
> 
> [ Here is the "art"](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/174403001874/pothos-and-the-neikea-chapter-6)
> 
> And [ here is my Tumblr](https://www.reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com)
> 
> (In all honesty I don't really know how I did it, so bear with me...)


	7. You underestimate the power of the memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm on fire! I'm just trying to give you as many chapters as I can now, because I don't know what will happen after my exams start.
> 
> This is a bonus chapter dedicated to Madkatmom74. I originally didn't plan on writing this, but I just couldn't say no...

Apparently thinking about Rey all day long, every day, wasn't enough for Kylo. He started dreaming her, too. It was a lucid dream; he knew what was happening. He could stop it any time. Yet he didn't. Well, it didn't matter, did it? It was a dream. No one could blame him for seeing Rey over at his apartment again. Not even he could blame himself. 

He opened the door and they both walked in. For a moment, he thought perhaps they were dating, or something, otherwise why else would she be there? But then she said something about Hux. Maybe she was still dating him, then. 

He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers. When he came back to the living room, Rey was standing by his desk, snooping around. He checked her up and down, noting immediately that her jacket, shoes, and tights were off. She was just in a short dress and leaning over his desk as she did, he could almost see things he shouldn't. That was off. He could swear she was wearing pants and not a dress beforehand.

He tried talking- his voice was weird. "Are you… hot?" What a stupid question! There are two ways to interpret this, and he only realized too late. 

Rey turned around and walked over to him. "Apparently not." She grabbed one of the beers he had forgotten to offer her and sat on his couch. 

He joined her. "What do you mean?" 

Rey didn't speak for a while, just sipping her drink and staring at the black screen of his television, as if it was on. Then she turned around and made eye contact. Something weird fluttered in his stomach. She was so close, and even looking at her felt intimate. 

"Well, if I was, wouldn't Hux want to be with me?" she said with a little whine. 

Kylo frowned and looked away. He downed the rest of his beer. "What are you talking about? Aren't you guys dating?" He clenched his fists, deliberately digging his nails into his palms to hurt himself. Because a stupid voice inside his brain whispered _hope_ to him. What was that supposed to mean? 

Rey's finger trailed over his chest, drawing some circles there. Kylo felt the need to back away, but his body leaned closer to the touch. 

"To be honest-" Rey whispered, "I wanted to fuck him tonight." 

Kylo chocked. There wasn't even anything in his mouth, how did he choke? 

"But he bailed," Rey continued. "So, you know, maybe he doesn't want me that much." She retrieved her hand and looked ahead, away from him. "Maybe I'm not that hot." 

Now that she wasn't facing him, he felt bolder and turned to look at her. She looked sad. 

"Rey, no… I'm sure he wants you. He would be stupid if he didn't." He saw her frowning, but still not turning to face him. "You're totally hot." Dammit, how did these words escape his mouth? 

This dream was not going in the right direction. He should change it. Yet… it was just a dream. 

Rey laughed. "Says the guy who can't even stand my presence here." 

Kylo sat straighter, squirming a bit. His eyes never left the side of her face, and he felt his head leaning forward. "Sure, I do hate you. But that doesn't mean I don't think you're hot. That is a fact. I would be lying to myself if I said otherwise." 

He saw her eyes move to the side, eyeing him out of her peripheral vision, without turning her head the slightest. And he thought he made her feel awkward. He was just trying to lighten the mood. Shit, he should never have spoken!

He opened his mouth to take everything back, but Rey suddenly jumped off the couch. She clearly struggled to find her balance, and he questioned whether she was already drunk. 

"I'm gonna go get us some more drinks," she said and walked towards the way he had beforehand. He heard something hit the floor a few moments later, so he ran to the kitchen to help. Rey was hugging every beer he had in his fridge, and was, well, on the floor herself. 

"Oh- Rey, you okay?" He squatted next to her and helped her sit up. 

"What happened?" she asked. 

Kylo sighed and, without thinking twice about it, he hugged her and lifted her from the floor. Surprisingly, Rey didn't put up a fight. Maybe it was because everything was just a fragment of his imagination. He carried her back to the living room and put her down on the couch. Rey was quick to open the new bottle of beer, and he joined in their drinking. 

Piece of advice: if you ever find yourself stuck with a person you hate, just drink. That way you don't have to talk to each other, and the alcohol might just numb your brain enough so that you don't mind their presence. 

But it was getting more and more difficult to ignore Rey. She was moving closer to him, and fuck it, he was moving closer to her too until their sides were touching. Then her hand had landed on his thigh casually, and he had draped his arm over her shoulders. And the beers were continuing to get emptied. 

Suddenly, Kylo felt worried about Rey's health. He placed his hand over the beer she was sipping and stole it from her. She whined as he placed it on the small table in front of them. 

"No more booze for you, young lady. You're wasted."

He turned back to look at her again, and Rey sat up slightly, trying to get a defensive pose. But by the way he had shifted in order to get the bottle from her, he was now right in front of her, and with Rey standing closer, he was almost crowding over her. 

"Maybe I wanna get wasted?" she mumbled. It was getting hard to understand what she was saying. 

Kylo was complete trash too, though. His thoughts were running wild, and as he looked at her lips he thought perhaps since this was a dream, and they were both drunk, the universe would forgive him if he kissed her. 

"Stop pining over Hux, he's not worth it," he said, his voice low and husky, almost a whisper. 

Rey's arms moved but didn't seem to decide where they needed to go. They wrapped her torso, then touched his chest, then rubbed her thighs. 

"Who said I'm drinking because of him?" 

He tilted his head and his eyes finally left her lips to look into hers. "Obviously, that's what you're doing." 

"Nuhuh!" 

"You're just sad he didn't sleep with you tonight." 

She pouted her lips like a little kid, and dammit, he was back at staring at them again. They were perked forward and he wouldn't even need to move too much if he wished to bite them. Shit, he wished to bite them. 

Her left hand landed on his shoulder, slowly stroking him, and he felt his legs moving on their own accord in order to be completely in front of her. 

"I'm not sad…" she whispered. 

"Oh?" 

"Did you really mean that you think I'm hot?" 

Kylo gulped. He thought perhaps she would be too drunk to remember any of this the next day, so he could be honest. Then, he remembered it was all a dream. He really could say anything he wanted. He could do anything he wanted. So his hands touched her outer thighs, slowly moving higher, pushing her dress slightly up. 

"Yes. You are a complete asshole, Rey, but you are fucking hot as hell." 

She gasped. Her hand halted, and he stopped too, suddenly worried he was going too far. This was his own mind making this up. Why was he teasing himself like that? 

"You're not so bad yourself." A sly smile appeared on her face, and he felt bolder, bold enough to move his hands until he felt the straps of her underwear. 

Rey glanced at his lips, and her hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck. It helped her push herself slightly closer. Her other hand was placed over his bicep. 

"Maybe I should be with someone like you," she whispered, and Kylo forgot how to breathe. He hooked two fingers under her panties. 

"Like me?" he blurted out. 

She nodded. "Someone who thinks I'm hot." 

He laughed. "I don't think that narrows it down a lot." 

Rey smiled a genuine smile. She looked so happy. "You mean that?" 

Kylo fumbled with her underwear, waiting for the moment he would either pull them down, or Rey would stop him. He was growing hard and he was beyond the point of hating her, of feeling like he was doing something he shouldn't. It was as if this was exactly what he _should_ be doing. Rey was what he was born to do. 

"I do." 

Rey looked down to where his hands disappeared under her dress. Her face darkened a bit. 

"This isn't right…" she mumbled. 

Kylo should back away. She was right. Neither of them really wanted this. They were just drunk. They would regret everything tomorrow. But this was a dream. This was everything he wanted it to be. He grabbed her hips and pulled her closer, close enough to have her face right in front of his, her lips a breath away from his own. 

"Who cares?" he whispered because there was no need to speak louder. She was right there. 

Rey looked at him. " Hux-" 

"Fuck Hux. He stood you up, Rey. I'm here right now. No one has to know. No one _will_ know." 

Her face changed expression again. She was smirking. The hand that was still hooked behind his neck caressed slightly the bare skin there. She crooked her head to align their mouths, and Kylo closed his eyes to immerse completely to the feeling of her lips. He could smell the tequila, the beers and something else he couldn't quite place, off her breath. No- he could _taste_ them. 

"I said someone like you." He felt the word hit his lips, and he opened his eyes abruptly. Rey was grinning at him.

"What?" he breathed. 

"I said maybe I should be with someone _like_ you, not _you_. We hate each other, remember?"

She was trying to stop him with her words, but she was smiling with a dangerous wile. He didn't know what she really wanted. But at that point, he didn't really care either. She had gotten him hard, and he would make should she knew it was her fault. 

He pushed her hips down over his erection, feeling the hot spot on her panties pressing right over the shaft of his cock. Rey's mouth dropped and her eyes widened comically, as she gasped with surprise and arousal. Kylo hit her forehead with his own and brushed his nose on her cheek. 

"Yes, we do." 

He woke up just as their lips collided. 

Kylo opened his eyes with difficulty, snoozing his alarm and groaning at the pain of meeting another day. As he looked down, it was clear that he was hard. But he refused to jerk off to that weird dream. Damn, when would his brain just let. Go!

His eyes widened. Oh, God. That wasn't a dream at all. That was the night of the concert. He had never been able to remember so much from it. All those details. Suddenly, he was super angry he had woken up. He secretly wished the dream would continue the next time he slept. 

But Rey… that Rey he saw wasn't the creation of his mind. It was the real one. Sure, the completely wasted one, but still real. And, as it seemed, she hadn't just "accidentally" slept with him, after all. He hadn't forced her. 

No. She wanted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I wanna apologize for what I did there before you kill me on the comments <3 
> 
> Also, new rule: if you follow me on Tumblr because of this story, please let me know so that I can follow you back :)
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](https://www.reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com)


	8. I find your lack of company disturbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just to make this clear, this story is taking place in the winter, like before Christmas and staff. I did mention cold weather some times, but I wanted to make sure we're all on the same page here. 
> 
> Btw I am LOVING all this response, you guys are the best! I still can't believe how many people are reading this! :D thank you so much, I love you all <3

Christmas breaks are the worst. Everyone has a family to go back to, somehow, except for Rey. Finn usually stayed with her, but this time he would spend his break with Poe's family, finally meeting his parents. Rose, even though her family didn't celebrate (they lost her sister a while back and were still grieving) still went back, too. And Rey was felt behind in an almost empty campus, going through a breakup. 

It was lonely. 

And when you're lonely, you do stupid staff. She knew she shouldn't ever talk to Hux again. For his sake, she should leave him in peace. But she just told herself it was a couple of things she wanted to get off her chest. She wasn't going there to get back together. Nor to tell him why they really broke up. Just to let him know she never wanted this. Just to tell him she still thought about him. Just to hear his voice… 

She was wandering around the labs, trying to remember where Hux worked. She didn't even know if he was still there for Christmas, but she was willing to take a shot. She reached the engineering team's lab and she felt pretty certain with her choice. This must be it. 

"Rey?" 

Yeah, that was it. Because Hux wasn't the only one working in engineering. The deep voice that echoed through the hallway made her shiver. How could she have forgotten about him? 

She turned around, and just a few meters back stood the grandiose mass of Kylo Ren. His look was one of confusion, but she immediately noted that all the usual hatred was absent. And the heat that his look sprayed over her body made her think: had she really forgotten he was there? Or was she secretly looking for the man that haunted her dreams with bittersweet memories, instead of her ex-boyfriend? 

The man took just a couple of steps -his legs were so tall- and there he was, right in front of her. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Rey looked around her. There was no one, but she could hear voices coming from one of the closed doors. "I just--" 

She felt something warm touch her upper back, and she almost jumped of surprise. Kylo's hand almost spread over her whole body, as he gently pushed her forward. She didn't like it, because the gesture was not aggressive, nor nasty, it was almost kind. She wasn't used to that. And the way it made her panties already slick was scary. 

He opened a door and pulled her in. Then he closed it quietly behind him. The room was empty, but she couldn't really tell what kind of room it was. It looked like a mixture of a lab and an office. Perhaps that's what their break rooms look like? 

"Are you looking for Hux?" He looked at her in the eyes again and put his hands on his hips. Rey gulped. He frowned a bit, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Did you guys…?" 

She shook her head. "No. No, I-" she trailed off. 

He looked at her from head to toe, taking in her form and all the details his brain had started to forget. He hadn't seen her in weeks. But that didn't mean he had stopped, even for a day, thinking about her. About what had happened between them, about the guilt, but also the pleasure he felt. Thinking whether she still hated him with every fiber of her being, or had accepted the attraction that pulled them into each other's orbit. Thinking if she ever thought about him, too, even with spite. 

"I just wanted to talk to him," she finally said, sounding a little disoriented. 

He nodded. "He's not here." 

"Oh… has he gone back for Christmas?" 

"No, I just mean. He's not here right now." There was a pause, and Rey started looking around the room to avoid his gaze. "If you wanted to talk to him, why didn't you just go to his place?" 

Dammit. Maybe she _did_ want to run into Kylo instead, after all. 

"I don't know." 

A finger started making tiny circles absentmindedly over some books next to her. This was very awkward. They had never been sober and alone together this long before without either of them being super mean and snarky. And the way he was staring didn't help at all. 

He was trying to decide whether he should tell her about Hux or not. They weren't really together anymore, but if she was still looking for him, perhaps she should know the truth. Which was that Hux was doing great without her. He seemed to be with a different person almost every day, and every single morning he would flaunt his successes to the rest of the poor grad students who had spent the night home, writing their thesis. But before he made up his mind, Rey decided to make small talk. 

"So… how come you're here. Didn't you go home to your family for the holidays?" She still wasn't looking at him, and it was somewhat frustrating. He didn't bite. In fact, she was the one that did that. 

"I'm 29, I don't need to be with family during holidays," he snorted. Rey's head shot up at that. 

"Wait. So you're spending Christmas alone… by choice?"

He momentarily closed his eyes, so that she wouldn't see them roll. "I haven't seen my parents in years, I'm not just gonna start now." 

Rey seemed to get angry at that. How that was any of her business, eluded him. 

"You're a fucking idiot, do you know that?" 

Kylo saw her eyes glitter, and his breath was cut short. What did he do wrong? How did he make her feel like that? Again? He took a step forward, raising slightly his arms as if to hug her. But they both knew he shouldn't do that. 

"I know," he said calmly. "But why?" 

"You have a family! Two parents who probably love you and care about you, and you throw that away like it's nothing? What, you take it for granted, and don't even appreciate something as important as people who are there for you, always?" 

Kylo felt so small. And he kept shrinking under her glare, and shrinking, and shrinking… and then he realized something very obvious, that had somehow gone over his head. 

"Why aren't you with your family for the holidays?" he asked with a whisper. And immediately regretted it. 

Rey made an exasperated sound and started for the door. It was a good thing he was standing right next to it. He wrapped his arms around her, stopping her, and pulling her close to him. 

"Hey-hey. I'm sorry. I really am." He dipped his head and placed his chin amongst her hair. "You don't have to tell me." Then he gulped, and his voice came out shaky. "Please stay."

A lone sob escaped Rey's throat. It was muffled from his shirt, as she buried her face in his chest. She took a moment to relax. She wasn't going to leave. She couldn't leave. Not when she had someone who was asking her to stay, who wanted her there, in those times of absolute loneliness. She pulled away finally and wiped away any stray tears that might have stained her cheeks. She walked to the back of the room and sat down on a chair. The sight of her red face was enough for Kylo to know he should change the subject immediately. 

"So… what did you want to tell Hux?" 

Rey shrugged and started doing some lazy spins on the chairs with wheels. 

"I just wanted to see he was doing okay. You know, what you told me that day… that I hurt him. It made me feel a little bad. I needed to see if he's getting over it." 

Right. Kylo should definitely tell her. The only reason Rey was still concerning herself with him was that she felt responsible for his fake misery. And somehow, Kylo was to blame for that, too. Damn, how does he always screw up so epically with her? 

"Yeah, about that…" He walked over to her and sat on the desk in front of her. He was so tall, sitting down made absolutely no difference. "You really shouldn't worry about him." 

Rey looked up at him. Her eyes were still a bit watery, but he knew it wasn't because of Hux. 

"He… he's doing alright. I'd say his coping with being single again." 

Maybe she would just get the hint and he wouldn't have to tell her all the nasty details. He didn't want to hurt her again. He didn't want to be the bad guy. Again. But Rey wasn't so indulgent. 

"What do you mean?" 

His eyes danced around her for a while, not feeling like making eye contact when saying this. "He has gotten himself out there, you know?" 

Rey stood up. "Out where?" 

He looked at her a little harshly. "Oh, come on Rey. You know what I mean." 

"Out _where?"_ she repeated. 

"He's been going out. With other people. And I'm pretty sure it's someone different every night. He has been keeping himself busy with a lot of sexual partners and work, and he doesn't seem to have time to pine over you. Happy now?" 

Rey stared at him. And then she punched him on the chest, but it wasn't nearly as hard as the one he had the fortune to experience on his face. 

"You told me he was withering!" 

That's what she was mad about? That she felt bad for no reason? Not that her ex was doing better without her? An idea that she had really moved on crossed his mind. A very optimistic one, and a glimmer of hope. 

"Well, I guess he is. That- Rey, that's just meaningless sex, trying to fill the void." 

Gosh, he was so stupid. He had no idea that Hux having sex with other people _was_ the problem. 

"And most likely very bad sex, too." 

That threw her off balance. She froze her fist that was going for the next hit in the air and frowned at him. Kylo gave it some thought and then shot his eyebrows high casually. If they were going back to fighting and punching each other, he might as well go back to being a douche. And he might as well enjoy it, too. 

He got off the desk and whispered something he had wanted to say for weeks.

"You know, I never knew you could be so… _loud."_

The look in Kylo's stupid face was one of mischief and sin. Rey clenched her fists even tighter, dipping her nails in her palms. Did he really just say that? 

"I'm not loud," she spat.

Kylo moved closer, a smirk playing on his lips. "Oh, believe me. If there is one thing I can remember clearly from our night, is how you _screamed_ under me." 

Her cheeks started burning, and she broke eye contact. She had nothing to tell him, so instead, she raised her fist and hit him on the chest again. But Kylo kept going, moving even closer. 

"I never heard you do that when you were with Hux." 

"Yeah, that's probably because he didn't hurt me!" 

He crooked an eyebrow. "Did he make you feel… anything?" 

Rey's breaths were coming out sharp and loud from her nose, and she glared at him again. "I bet he would have if he got the chance." 

Finally, Kylo's smug face disappeared. He noticed her eyes getting more watery, and became brutally aware that he had crossed the line. "What?" he whispered.

There was a sob, and then she started spitting the words at him in a fury. "I wanted Hux to be my first!" 

He took a step back. Then another. 

"I wanted him, not you. And you took that from me and now there is no way of changing that." 

That made his skin crawl. He had no idea Rey had never… Oh God, what had he done? 

"You'd never been with someone before?" 

"No!" 

He found it hard to believe. And then he said the stupidest thing. "Are you sure?" 

Rey charged at him, shoving him out the room. Before he had time to even take a breath, he was shut out, and the door was locked. He didn't say anything. Didn't knock, didn't try to reason with her. Even if a student really shouldn't be in that room alone. No. Instead, he thought of all the times Hux had seemingly, surely _been_ with someone those past three months. 

Hux was absolutely sexually active, and proud of it, too. He would appear some days in the lab with the same outfit from the day before, reeking and looking like a total mess, and everyone would assume he had spent the night being very busy. And he never denied it. He would wink, say something like "you know it!" and get to work. There were times he had bite marks on places that weren't visible to the public, but he would show or tell Kylo just to be cocky. Hell, there were even times he had heard him getting some in the other room, and when asked if Rey was in there, he would say yes. It never seemed suspicious to Kylo that he never really _saw_ her. After all, they didn't like each other. Why wouldn't she avoid him like he avoided her?

So now, it was either Rey who was lying to him in an attempt to make him feel worse or Hux who had been mocking all of them for those past months. 

He heard her crying from the other side of the thin door and lost all reasoning. Hux would pay for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... Alright... A lot of you saw this coming. I have been foreshadowing it since the very first chapter. But I still hope the next one can give you something you perhaps didn't think about <3 
> 
> Love you!


	9. Revenge is a plate best served... by someone else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys. Here's the chapter you've been waiting for.

The rest of Rey's day was silent. And so was most of the next one. She had dived into her textbooks, revising everything from the past semester, and preparing for the next one. It kept her mind occupied, so as not to think of _either_ of them. It was also important, if she wanted to get good grades and keep her scholarship. But, of course, having a whole day with peace and quiet was too much to ask for during the holidays...

There was a knock on her dorm room door. It was so gentle she almost thought she misheard. Everyone was away, anyway. Who would be knocking on her door? She didn't really want to be asking that question, because her mind travelled to one man, and one man only. And now her hopes were up. Thankfully, they weren't crushed when she opened the door. 

"What are you doing here, Kylo?" she whispered, looking down the hallway for any wandering students. It felt like they were doing something illegal, but the truth was far from it. 

Before she could even gesture at him, he rushed in, closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Rey moved to the center of the room, and groaned. 

"Kylo, I really don't need you here right now." 

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me here though?" 

She stomach did a flip. But she refused to let her face blush. She opened her mouth to answer him, but he just shook his head absentmindedly, and dipped his hand in his pocket. He took out a piece of paper and unfolded it. 

"Here's what I did to Hux," he said, as he stuck the paper on her door with a piece of duck tape that was already on it. 

It finally came into focus, and Rey realized it was a printed picture of her ex. As she took a step closer, she made out that he was laying on the floor, eyes closed and face and clothes covered in blood. 

She shrieked. "Kylo!" She ran to him and immediately fell on his broad body. But he had nowhere to go, really, as he was already flushed on the door. "What did you do to him?" she cried out, hitting everything she could reach. 

Sure, maybe Kylo could be less straight forward to her about it. He could soften the blow, sugar-coat the reality. But he tried that the previous day, and it hadn't worked. No, he was good at being honest and blunt. He was just going to tell her, because there wasn't really any other way. 

He stretched his arms that had wrapped around her, peeling her off of him so that he could see her face. "Rey, he cheated on you."

It almost felt comical to say that, considering she had done the same thing, with him no less. But that was a lot different. A lot worse. 

She froze, but didn't look in his eyes. Instead, she stared at his chest. 

"Multiple, multiple times," he continued. "I always assumed it had been you, but then you told me you had never… well..." 

"Wha..?" she breathed out. Her eyes found the picture again, but this time it did nothing to her. It didn't make her feel sad, or hurt. Nothing. 

"And-" Kylo continued after swallowing hard, "- I'm pretty sure it was with guys, too." 

_Guys?_ Did he just say-

Suddenly, her head jerked up, and she glared straight into his eyes, with her mouth open and her brow furrowed. Her gaze was so strong it was disorienting. He pressed his full lips together. 

"I think he didn't want to sleep with you because he's gay." 

That was it. Her legs couldn't hold her any longer. She started falling, but Kylo was quick to put his arms under her back and legs. He bridal-carried her to her bed. After he placed her down, he kneeled next to it, and kept his hands softly over her arms. He waited for her to say something, but she was still processing everything. 

Hux? A homosexual? Then why the fuck was he dating her? Although she would never have guessed it, it all seemed like it made sense, in a weird way. 

Kylo just watched, placing his chin over her pelvis and staying there. Somehow, his hot breath on her belly made the blow of the news somewhat more bearable. 

"How… what?" she mumbled after a while. 

"I confronted him yesterday after we talked. He didn't even deny it." 

The man winced at the memory of a cocky Hux, proud to talk about his adventures. The idea that what he was doing was utterly wrong, and Kylo wouldn't agree with him, hadn't even crossed his mind.

He caressed her arm slightly. "I'm sorry, Rey." 

Then, it was suddenly as if she remembered how her brain worked. She frowned, and sat up slightly to look at Kylo. "Why are _you_ sorry?"

He chewed his lower lip, and raised his eyebrows slightly. "He even said he kept trying to get us alone together, you and I, so that I... Um… so that we would do something, and-- he said, then you would stop annoying him so much." 

She gasped. "That asshole!" 

What the fuck did he mean by annoy? That was all that she was doing? Oh, yeah, right… I guess requesting the bare minimum of affection from your boyfriend is annoying now! And what did he think she was? Some kind of animal? The audacity of the man to think that having sex with Kylo would shut her up! 

Her face started burning, but she wasn't sure if it was fury that was doing that to her, or the fact that cheating on Hux with Kylo was actually _his plan_. Or that, deep down, she didn't feel that mad about it. 

When she looked at the photo on her door again, she felt a wave of satisfaction. 

"What did you do to him?" 

Her tone was clear- she wasn't asking because she was mad. She just wanted to savour every little detail. 

Kylo looked at the photo, too. "Well, I barely contained myself at first, so that I could talk to him. But with every single word that came out of his mouth, he just made me that much more angry and insane. I grabbed him by the coat with one hand and punch him with the other."

He looked down at his hand. It was bruised, but it felt good to look at. It felt really fucking good. 

"Go on," Rey muttered and glanced back at his eyes because she knew anything Kylo said while looking at her immediately became so much more intense. And she wanted to feel all of it. 

"He fell on the floor, started bleeding from his nose. He cursed me. I don't know what he said though, I wasn't really listening." One of his hands moved to her throat and closed around it. But she didn't feel threatened at all. It surely did stir something inside her, but it was purely pleasant. "Then I held him like this-" he continued, "- and started punching him multiple times. I like to think I punched him as many times as he hurt you." 

With that he retreaved his hand, not wanting to get into emotional comments like that while touching her. Rey immediately missed the contact.

"Then I took out my phone and took a picture." 

Rey was normally a good person. She would never wish for anyone to suffer, no matter how much they deserved it. And something inside her told her that what happened to Hux wasn't right. It wasn't the right way to deal with things. But a bigger part inside her enjoyed listening to that story too much. Too. Fucking. Much. 

Hux was such an asshole, she realized. He always had been. He neglected her, and barely showed any affection, and _yes_ , he kept avoiding her and everything that came with that. She used to think it was normal. She used to think that not talking to her for a week was being polite, and giving her space to live her life. It wasn't. It was minimal care. But she had been so love-starved, touch-starved and just craving any kind of affection her whole life, it was impossible to not fall for his trap. 

Kylo was right to hate him. He had always been right about him. Hux _was_ using her, for God knows what reason. And she was wrong to hate Kylo. 

She looked at the large man kneeling in front of her. He was just watching her, waiting for anything she had to do or say, ready to carry out any orders she might give him. Like a docile knight. How blind could she be? This is not a man who hates her. And she really didn't hate him either. 

Sure, he did drive her crazy most of the times, but something twisted inside her actually kind of liked that. It was at least a lot more interesting than the boring nothingness Hux caused in her. The passion, the fury, the arousal and everything else Kylo caused just by existing was a lot, a lot more interesting. 

A need to make everything up to him- a need to get some kind of revenge on her ex- a need to feel him again, overcame her, and she moved forward, kissing him in a quick motion, as if she was scared he would ran away. He didn't. A moan rumbled deep inside his throat, and he kissed her back with force. 

Her hands found his hair and she pulled at it in a similar way to when they were fighting, but this time in an attempt to get him closer, and not away from her. With the slightest rise of his legs, Kylo loomed over her, and climbed on the bed above her. He pulled away for a second, thinking about what they were doing, but Rey shoved him back down on her. 

His whole body crashed over hers, and she could feel all of him. Yet she wanted more. His tongue slipped through her lips, and it was so warm and wet, it created a muffled shriek deep in her chest. She kissed him back in a similar way, and immediately realized: she didn't remember kissing him. And it felt like she was missing out on the best part all this time. 

Kylo's left hand rested on her hip, and helped her when she grinded down on his erection. It was electric. They both moaned at the same time, and the urgency to feel him inside her surprised her. She lowered her hands, and raised just a bit his shirt, so that she could place her palms on his adbomen. He was hot. God, he felt so nice. 

Kylo pulled away again. He needed to stop this before it got out of hand. But he was weak, and instead of getting off of her, he dipped his face at the crook of her neck and started kissing her. Her arms wrapped around him, hands still under his shirt, and she pulled him even more strongly on her. His member was hard and poking at the soft of her belly, and it drove him insane. He bit down at her shoulder, but with less pressure and force than she had. She squealed under him, and his hips jerked forward on their own accord. 

No, no. He had to stop this. He placed his hands on her hips and pushed himself off. Rey stared at him with a look of confusion and a little panic. She probably got scared he didn't want her. Oh God- if she only knew. 

"We can't do this like that again, Rey." His voice was husky and cracked. He lingered over her, panting and fighting the urge to move down on her again. "You're not yourself right now. You're in an emotionally vulnerable place, I won't take advantage of that." 

Rey knew what he meant. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she would regret this tomorrow. But even regretting doing this with him felt nice. Even panicking, and cursing, and hating going with him felt really nice. She tucked on his shirt, telling him silently that she wanted this. 

He lowered his head over hers, but he just placed a small kiss on her forehead. 

"Next time we do this, it's going to be done right." 

And then he stood up, smoothed down his clothes, adjusted his pants to hide his erection, and left. Behavior like that could really make her mad. But all her brain was concerned about was how Kylo had promised that there would be a next time. 

Her eyes fell on the bloody picture of Hux still hanging on her door, and she burst out in a nervous laughter. She couldn't even be that mad at him anymore, because if it weren't for that stupid jerk, she wouldn't be where she is with Kylo now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, like, all of you saw Hux-the-cheater coming, and I guess Kylo punching his brains out. But how many of you saw the gay thing? I can't lie- I totally think Hux is gay lmao. 
> 
> Btw this whole thing will make sense later, I promise.
> 
> Hope you like how our babies finally kissed again, and that you don't hate me for stopping before things got interesting. Again. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and the comments! Love you <3


	10. Nice tricks, the Gods are playing

New Year's Eve was just three days away now, and Rey still hadn't decided where or with whom she would spend it. All of her friends would be with family, and that's why she hated these holidays so much. Some students she vaguely knew were going to have parties in their houses, and she was sure they wouldn't mind if she joined them. Hell, no one would even notice. But she didn't want that. If Finn was with her, or even Rose, it would be a lot better. But now that she knew they would be around a table having a quiet dinner with family and close friends, it felt terrible. She would look for an alternative up until 11:59 pm if she had to. 

She had talked to Finn on the phone a lot these past days. She wanted to tell him about Hux, but that would mean telling him about Kylo, or how else could she have found out? She danced around the subject a lot, and would just drop hints like "you know, Hux always seemed to hit on Poe, don't you think?", or "now that I think about it, he was avoiding me. But sometimes he had hickeys." But Finn didn't get the memo. He would just say she did good dumping him, and that was it. She also tried telling him what had happened with Kylo. Or, at least, she tested the waters to see if she would survive telling him something like that. But it didn't seem likely. 

She was at the library, checking her classes for the next semester in one of the computers there. She had gone there with the intention to study at first, but her mind kept wondering and she found it almost impossible to concentrate. And, you guessed it, it was wondering to _him_. She still hadn't decided whether he was right to go away the other day or not. She was in a bad state, that was true. And perhaps she would have regretted it later. Especially when she would have to tell Finn. But she was curious to feel him again, if for no other reason, just so she could remember it. She had only been with one man in her life, and couldn't even remember him naked. It wasn't fair. 

On the other hand, she had spent so much time hating him, it felt weird to do anything else now. Sure, he seemed to be trying to be less of a jerk lately. But perhaps that was just a facade to get her to bed. When she thought about it though, it was surprising he even _wanted_ to get her to bed. She knew he remembered more from their night together. But she couldn't have been good at what she was doing, because she didn't _know_ what she was doing. So what was his deal? Why did he pray on her like that? He always kept pushing her away, almost disgusted by the idea of her, and now he was the one trying to close their distance. 

She liked it. She couldn't lie, even if she wanted to; her panties would tell the truth. Never has she gotten so wet just by thinking of someone before. And it was a constant occurrence. As if her body kept itself ready for him, in case he showed up suddenly to carry out his promise. She found herself in need of changing about three times a day, and it was annoying because she did not have the luxury money for extra laundry. 

She started closing the tabs she had opened on the computer to leave when a takeaway coffee cup was placed right in front of her. She frowned and looked up. Her brain was rewarded with some endorphins to the sight of Kylo Ren looming over her with a shy smile. 

"Hello," he murmured, and dragged a chair to sit next to her. 

"Hi." Her voice cracked. How could it crack in just one syllable? 

Kylo looked at the coffee cup and pushed it a little closer to her. 

"I got you coffee. I didn't know how you take it, but I just assumed the way you try to come across; sweet." 

It wasn't a compliment. She knew better than to fall for that. That 'to come across' there was the loophole. He was low key being mean again, and she was thankful for that. Because she did _not_ know how to deal with a kind Kylo. 

"And I'd assume you take it the way every piece of your wardrobe seems to be; black." 

Seriously, the brightest color she'd seen him wear was dark grey. He laughed and nodded. So, they knew more things about each other than they thought. 

He started drawing tiny invisible circles with his index finger on his legs and didn't raise his head to look at her as he spoke. "My parents are coming over for New Year's." 

"Oh!" That was not what she expected to hear. "I thought you hadn't spoken to them in years." 

The hand that was playing with his leg got up and started rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah... I haven't. But, you know. You were right. I'm an idiot because I have a family and don't appreciate it. Plus, you know, the holidays are for family, aren't they?" 

Great. She literally would be the only one spending New Year's miserably alone, wasn't she? Did he come here just to rub it in her face? 

He went on. "But as you already know, I'm not really fond of my family. Especially not our family dinners. So… I just thought… if you don't have anything better to do…" 

"What?" 

"I mean, it would be a lot easier if someone else was there with me." She would swear his cheeks had blushed, but he just kept his head so low, she couldn't see clearly. "And no one else is here anyway. Just Hux, but I don't think he'd want to come after I almost broke his face." A nervous laughter erupted from deep in his throat. 

Rey felt her cheeks, her chest, her belly -everything burning. He wanted her to spend New Year's with his family? That was huge! No one ever wanted her to join their family like that. She could have the quiet family dinner she always wanted. Even if it wasn't her family, and even if it was with someone she hadn't decided whether she despised or fancied yet. There would be two parents there. And that meant family. 

"But, what will I be doing there? What am I supposed to be?" Her voice was tiny, as she tried to hide her grin. 

He shrugged. "We could say you're my girlfriend. They don't know anything about my love life, anyway."

Something about the idea of being his girlfriend, even fake girlfriend, made her heart pump faster and created an itch in her palms and feet. 

"Just… just think about it," he said standing up. He turned the coffee cup slightly, and it was revealed that a number was written on it with a black sharpie. "And let me know." He turned to leave, but then he turned back to see her one last time. She could finally see his face, and it must have looked the way hers did; red, hot, abashed, embarrassed, scared, loving. "But just so know, if you don't show up and it all goes to hell, I'll blame it all on you." 

She smiled and nodded at that. 

The moment Kylo was out of sight, she grabbed her staff (including the coffee that was still really warm) and rushed outside. She had to call her best friend, finally tell him everything. Well, not _everything_. She left out her meeting with Kylo while she was looking for Hux - Finn would kill her if he found out she did that. She told him that Kylo showed up at her dorm room, and told her he found out, all on his own, that Hux was actually gay and cheating on her repeatedly all throughout their relationship. Finn's reaction was to say that he would break his legs for that. But she told him Kylo had already taken care of that. Sent him the picture too, just for added effect. She knew that would at least make Kylo a little less hated. So she followed it with the real news. 

"So... We talked a bit and I mentioned I was going to be alone on New Year's because you guys were gone. And- well he said his parents were coming, and he didn't really like them, so he wouldn't mind if I joined them for dinner. You know. So that it's less nasty" 

She could practically _see_ him raising an eyebrow at that. "Dinner with his family? Wha- Rey, are you dating the guy?" 

"No, no! I would never, no. He just said it, you know… as a friend." 

She bit her lower lip. If she kept being so seemingly appalled by Kylo, it would be a lot more difficult to admit it when they actually got together. 

She gasped at her thought. Did she want to get together with him? 

"What can I tell you, peanut. You're the one who had a problem with him. If you think you'll be alright-" 

It felt as if she had just gotten permission by her strict father. And she cheered silently. 

She didn't text Kylo the same day, because she wanted to make it look like she was thinking about it. Even though she obviously said yes, and she would say yes no matter how many times he asked. 

On New Year's Eve, Kylo's parents arrived at his place first. He cursed under his breath for that, because he didn't really want to be alone when he met them again- he was scared it would be very awkward. But in the end, the only awkward thing was how long his mother hugged him for. Other than that, Han and Leia didn't raise any difficult subjects, such as why he hadn't contacted them in nearly six years. 

"I'm so glad you decided to do this, honey," his mother told him, but she was looking at him with a look that he knew what she really meant was How come?

He gulped, looking at the door to make sure Rey hadn't shown up yet. "My… girlfriend… I don't think she had a lot of chances to family dinners while growing up, so I decided to do this for her." 

"Wow. She must be quite something," Han chuckled. And that was it. 

Rey didn't take too long to arrive. She was wearing a dress, and it dawned on him that this was the first time he saw her in a dress. She was beautiful. 

His parents were a little nosey, asking her just a few too many questions. But Rey didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she was beaming, answering them everything and, in just under an hour, he was pretty sure she had bonded with them more than he had in years. Especially Han; if he could adopt her, Kylo betted he would. They didn't seem to care for the age difference, which was almost ten years, and he didn't think they would. Han was, after all, a lot older than Leia. 

As they sat down eating, Kylo tried to pour Rey a glass of wine, but Leia stopped him. 

"She's just nineteen, Ben. I hope you haven't been giving alcohol to a lot of minors." 

He just rolled his eyes, remembering how wasted they had both been at the night of the concert. Having grown up on Jakku, Rey felt like she could drink legally since 18 years old, and they both seemed to forget that wasn't the case here. But he just put the bottle back down and whispered at her. 

"You wanted a family dinner… Well, you got one." 

But when his eyes met hers, he got a little worried. Hers were wide and ready to pop off her skull, and they seemed to glitter. She looked somewhat scared or shocked. He wasn't sure, but it created a knot in his throat. 

"Ben," Rey muttered. "Ben Solo." 

He frowned and checked the expressions of his parents with the side of his eye. If she was supposed to be his girlfriend, she was supposed to know his name, too. And for a moment he was worried she just blew their cover. 

"Yes… that's my name, sweetheart." 

But the terrified look didn't seem to fade away for the rest of the evening. At midnight, he leaned and kissed her, just so it would be that much more convincing that they were dating. But no matter how much he didn't want to, no matter how the heat low in his belly almost erupted at the touch of her lips, he broke it off too soon. He could tell something was off. 

When it was time for his parents to leave, Rey put out a big smile for them as she greeted them, even though everyone realized she didn't really want them gone. It was a little weird how attached she had already gotten to them. He wondered whether it was because his parents had something special he couldn't really see, or Rey would just bond with any kind of father and mother figures. He still hadn't known exactly what had happened to her family, but he knew better than to ask. 

A twisted, perverted idea crossed his dirty mind. How he could take advantage of the age difference and have her call him _daddy_ in the bedroom. It made his groin hard and he almost attacked her before his parents were even out of the door. But he just put his hands in his pockets instead to hide his erection. 

"So…" he mumbled after a while. "Since you're my fake girlfriend… do you think you should fake stay the night?" 

He rocked on his heels and raised a bit his shoulders. His posture seemed somewhat shy, insecure. But his gaze was hungry, intense. When Rey looked at him though, the scarred and shocked look from before a lot more obvious on her face, he lost all his bravado. 

"Kylo…" she mumbled, and for a second he thought she was breaking up with him. But they weren't _actually_ dating. He got scared, and froze in place, even though he thought it would be best if he moved closer. 

"What happened?" 

Rey gulped and looked away. "You're going to be my professor." 

Her voice was so low he almost didn't hear her. But he did. And it was the worst. 

"What?" he said, more sharply than he meant. 

"I'm going to be in your class." 

"And you just found out?" Why was he getting this angry?

"I forgot your real name was Solo!" 

She was almost crying. But not really. It just sounded like that. Perhaps she was angry, too. 

"How could you forget?" He said it louder than he wanted to. It just came out like that. And Rey's face hardened. Before, she looked a little sad. Now she just looked mad. 

"First off, I thought you were a grad student," she said sounding offended.

"I've graduated. I work there," he hissed.

"Then maybe it would be best if we stopped- stopped-" Well, what were they doing? "Stopped talking." 

She didn't even talk to him anymore? 

"You know the policy about professors and students-" she continued, "- and I'm not in the mood to lose my scholarship because of you." 

It sounded mean. And it woke up the asshole inside him. Great, they were back to fighting. 

"Well, I'm not in the mood to lose my job because of you!" 

"Fine!" she shouted. 

"Fine!" 

She lingered there for a second, then grabbed her jacket and ran to the exit.

"Happy New Year!" she hissed, and closed the door with force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm pretty sure grad students can also teach in some universities in the EU, but I don't think that's the case in USA. This story is not exactly taking place in real Earth places, but I just wanted to make sure everyone was on board, so I had Kylo already having graduated. I mean, obviously they're in the equivalent of US so...
> 
> Also, if you read the tags, you knew this was coming eventually. I mean, they're not exactly professor/student material up to this point, but that the dynamic I chose to go with. I hope you like it. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, comment and leave kudos if you enjoy reading this story! <3


	11. Let the past die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, let's get some Professor Kylo Ren people ;) 
> 
> See notes at the end for warning.

Rey never knew she could hate Civil and Environmental Engineering so much. It was a boring subject on its own, but knowing that Kylo freaking Ren would teach it too, made it a whole lot worse. When she had told Finn about it, all he had done was give her a side glance and say "Don't do anything stupid," aka don't fuck your professor. Poe thought it was a good thing because they knew each other and spent a lot of time together during her relationship with Hux. Rose just gave her her condolences. 

She hadn't spoken to Kylo for the rest of the break. She knew she could if she wanted to. She had his number, but so did he. So he could call her too. And the fact that he didn't was frustrating. Plus, he always seemed to magically know where she is; the dorm room, the lab, the library... So if he wanted to, he could just show up somewhere. Even 'randomly'. He didn't, and she knew he was avoiding her. And it just made everything so, _so_ much worse. 

She should never have gotten so deep into this. Everything was just perfect when all they knew how to do was growl at each other like animals. And the fact that her body was attracted to his didn't mean her mind was too. It was probably just because he had touched her in places no one else had before- places even she was too shy to touch. But it would fade away. He was nothing special, there was no way she would just _stay_ attracted to him. 

But perhaps they should have talked before they had their first class together. Or at least seen each other. Because it nearly knocked the air out of her lungs. 

There was something different about him, though she couldn't quite place what it was. But it made him seem so much more... ravishing. She thought perhaps he did it on purpose -whatever it was he did- just to throw her off balance. 

She walked to the very back of the auditorium, sat down at the very last row of seats. She did _not_ want to get any closer to him. And she did not want him seeing her staring. She couldn't help it. She stared. At the beginning of the lecture, she did her best to mute the idea that this was a man she desired in her head, and just pay attention to the subject. She looked at the power point presentation he had prepared and tried to take notes. But his voice sounded so much deeper and imposing in that class, it was impossible not to get lost in it. 

Then she paid more attention to the way he moved his hands around, instead of what he was saying. She paid attention to the way he looked when he casually sat on his desk, to the way his eyes roamed over the students, without ever meeting hers. The way his dark curls danced over his forehead and covered the ears she knew were a little too big. It was weird but zestful. She couldn't bring herself to think of him as her professor. That was the man she had punched in the heat of an argument, who had spend New Year's with her and his parents, who had let her sleep on his lap in a taxi, who had tasted her in a drunken night... He wasn't her professor. 

Yet he really looked like it. He really played the part nicely. And by the end of his lecture, she was soaking through her panties. 

She ran out of the auditorium before he had the chance to see her. When she got to her dorm room and tried to revise her notes, she found out they consisted mostly of doodles of Kylo. She cursed herself. She had to get good grades. She had to. And that meant she had to get him out of her damn mind. 

At the next lecture, she managed to somewhat control herself. That was, until Kylo -I mean, Professor Solo- asked a question she was certain she knew the answer to. So, hesitantly at first, she raised her hand. She noticed no one else did. That gave her a wave of confidence and she raised it higher. She saw his eyes fall on her, and she realized she had just given away her position. But it didn't matter, because he was her professor and she was his student, and nothing more. 

He stared for a couple of seconds, and then looked back at the rest of the class. "Anyone?" 

Her mouth dropped. He had seen her, she knew it. But still, she waved her hand to make it even more bluntly obvious. But Kylo made a noise of frustration and answered the question himself. 

Rey almost started screaming. How dare he? What kind of petty behavior was this? She was being professional; she didn't talk to him, she didn't tease him in any way. But apparently, he was the teenager in this relationship, not her. No one else had seen her raise her hand, because she was sitting at the back, and everyone was looking ahead. So she couldn't say anything out loud. But she would surely do when they were alone. 

Suddenly she felt her pen break in her palm. She hadn't even noticed she was squeezing it so hard. But it made sense. She was furious!

When the class ended, and everyone got up and started leaving, she kept dropping her textbook, just so that she had an excuse to delay her packing up and leaving. And the moment the last student got out of the room, door swinging closed behind him, she raised her head and glared at her _professor_. He was arranging some papers on his desk but wasn't doing anything substantial, just like she wasn't really packing. Because, he might have been acting like he hadn't noticed her still in there, but she knew he had. 

"What is your problem?" 

He finally raised his head and looked at her, a fake surprised look on his face. 

"I'm sorry?" 

Rey started descending the steps and found herself in front of him. 

"I knew that." 

"Knew what?" 

"The answer, Kylo, don't play stupid." 

He narrowed his eyes at her, then raised a finger and pointed it to her face with a serious look. "In here you will refer to me as Professor, and you will not talk to me that way again."

Rey wasn't sure what it was -what he said, the way he said it or the way he looked at her- but it sent a wave of arousal down her stomach and between her thighs. But she ignored it as best as she could because what she really was, was angry. 

"Fine," she crossed her arms in front of her. "Professor Ren. Professor Kylo Ren. Professor Kyle Ron." 

He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, and she almost crushed on him. But she stopped just a couple of centimeters away. She really couldn't tell if he was trying to be intimidating or turn her on. Her eyes shot up and stared at his lips. If he was doing the former, it _really_ wasn't working. 

Rey thought he would kiss her then. He looked a little too long at her lips, licking his own, and she found that not only her body wanted that, but also her mind. She just wanted him to kiss her right then and there. To grabbed her with his strong hands and crush her on his body. And feel his tongue inside her mouth again. Feel the sparks it created in her chest, and between her thighs. 

"Gosh, how old are you, twelve?" he scolded instead. 

She pushed herself away from him. "How old are _you?_ Ten?" She cringed at her answer, but she was really at a loss for words. How could she not be, when she had just been so _close_ to him? "I knew that answer!" she repeated. 

"Good for you. It will help you on your midterm." 

And then he turned and started actually putting his things away this time, not just playing with them. Rey felt the urge to kick him.

"You can't fail me just because I didn't sleep with you." 

She was surprised at her own words. She only meant to say the first part of that sentence. Didn't know how the rest of it got out. 

Kylo turned his head slowly and looked at her strongly. Rey seemed a bit scared, suddenly. She took half a step back, and the next time she spoke, her voice sounded off. 

"You can't fail me because I need to keep my scholarship. I really do. And I have worked hard for it and it wouldn't be fair for me to lose it because we were both stupid and did things we regretted in the past." 

Her words stung. She talked about regret, and about the past. Just distanced herself from all of it. And the worst part was that she had assumed he felt the same way. That a "stupid mistake" was all she was to him. 

This time he talked in a calmer voice. "You think I'm trying to fail you? That this is why I didn't let you answer my question?" 

Rey snorted at him. "Well, why else?" 

He swallowed the excess saliva that had started forming in his mouth as he looked at her, just like it happens to a dog looking at a delicious meal. 

"Because I was upset just by looking at you," he said. Not his best choice of words. "And I couldn't hear you speak, too, because then everyone would understand there was something wrong with me." 

He hadn't seen her in his class the previous time. He had assumed she didn't come because she didn't want to see him, or that maybe she had been wrong. But then he saw that tiny arm slightly raised at the back, looked over, and his breath had been caught in his throat. When he asked for anyone else to answer, he was basically asking for someone to rescue him from the state his mind and body were falling in with a rapid velocity.

Rey looked at him as if she couldn't believe him at first. But then he saw something change in her gaze. Her eyes somehow became darker, her stare more intense. He knew she understood what he meant. And the way she looked at him-- for a moment he thought she would reciprocate his feelings. 

"Oh," she simply said. Her cheeks gained a more pinkish color. "Alright then." 

She turned slowly around and started walking away. She was going really, _really_ slow. As if she was considering turning back around, or waiting for him to catch her. He didn't have to do anything though, because she did turn around. The spark of hope inside his stomach erupted into flames. 

"So, can we agree to forget everything?" she said. Not what he expected. "Can we just... just be normal, and start over?" 

Start over. He liked that idea. He knew what she meant was that they should forget about each other, but what he really heard was that he had a chance to do this right.

He nodded. Rey walked right in front of him and gave him her hand. He shook it, a little confused. 

"I'm Rey," she said with a smile. 

Kylo couldn't help but smile at himself. "Professor Solo." 

And then Rey turned around to leave. His eyes followed her all the way until she was out of sight. He waited a couple of minutes before he got out so that no one would see them together, and then he rushed into the bathroom and locked himself in a stall. His dick was swollen and already leaking, just because Rey had looked at him like that. Just because she had talked to him after all this time. Just because he had seen her.

He palmed himself, trying to calm down. But he had reached the point of no going back. He hated himself at that moment. He was such a creep, so disgusting. He loathed himself as he freed his member and started stroking it. He despised himself as much as Rey probably did, as he thought about her under him. And he detested himself as he came in his hand, at the thought of his student stroking him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** there is a small masturbation scene in this one.
> 
> Okay so this was a tiny smut thing over there. I've already tagged this story accordingly, but just so you know, the smut is only going to get worse form now on. So if you're not into this kind of thing, you might get some uncomfortable chapters. But I'll keep the warnings going :)
> 
> For those of you who are here for this - you know who you are- welcome!! ;))


	12. There is no escaping each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so today is officially the day that my exams started, so for the next couple of weeks the updates are not going to be that often. I'll still try to update, but the chapters are going to be few and far between (I mean, for my standards, aka updating everyday two days). But then it's gonna be summer holidays, so I'll be able to give this fic my full attention!!
> 
> But just so that you have something to read in the meantime, I'm giving you a pretty long chapter (the longest I've written yet, I think) with some smut in it ;)
> 
>  **Warning:** there is another masturbation scene here, longer and more descriptive than the previous one. Also, just basically filth talk all the time. I have no filter guys, sorry.

There it was. Rey's first assignment as Kylo's student. It was delivered two days before the actual deadline, and was one of the very few he had gotten yet. Apparently, according to sophomores, the best time to turn in your essays is 50 seconds before the deadline. Seriously. Not that Kylo could be too mad about that; he was never the one to do otherwise. But knowing that Rey was not like that, knowing that she was responsible and studious, it made him smile. It made him fill with unreasonable pride and, between you and me, a little hard, too. 

He paced around his desk, eyeing at his laptop. And then he cursed himself for telling his students that they could do this digitally. He wanted to see her handwriting. He wanted to smell the scent of her hands off of the paper, he wanted to-

Fuck. 

What. The. Fuck.

He slammed the laptop shut, grabbed a coat and rushed out of his apartment. Started running. His hands found his hair, and he pulled at it.

Shit.

What the fuck was he doing? What on Earth was he thinking? How much creepier could this get? He was talking about a _student_ of his, God dammit. Rey was a student. She had done the work she was supposed to, very professionally, and he was over there getting off of it. Had it been anyone else- had it been some other girl he would have realised how sick that was. God, he hoped no other professor was a freak like him. It almost made him vomit-

He did. He turned to the side of the road and emptied his stomach. And at the smell of it, he did it again. Because he was disgusting. How could he think about Rey that way? Or better yet, why could he not stop? The realisation of how bad what was happening was, made him barf, and all it did was plant even worse images in his brain. 

This was so wrong, how every time he saw her in class, his heart skipped a beat.

He wished he could take her on that small chair she was sitting.

It was absolutely disturbing, how he was the one grading her papers, and all it did was make him excited about how good of a student she was. 

He wished she would suck him under his desk.

He threw up again. Well, more like spit out whatever was left. Because it wasn't a lot. But it still didn't seem to end. His torture. Everytime he had the painful realisation of everything that was wrong with him and his little crush on Rey, his imagination ran wilder, bringing forth disturbingly enjoyable ideas. 

He held his head tightly between his palms, and he struggled not to start hollering in the middle of the night, by the side of an empty street. 

He walked back to his house with trembling limbs. This had gotten too far. He needed to stop this. He needed to stop thinking about Rey. Stoping thinking about their night together. Stop having fantasies about it happening again. Stop calling out her name everytime he came. He needed to forget the way her lips felt on his, forget the way she moaned under him. 

Dammit, he did it again! 

He arrived and got inside his house again. His laptop was still on his desk, waiting, almost calling him to see Rey's assignment. But instead, he took a shower. He thought it would clean him of everything that was distasteful about him. But he just found himself chasing his release under the water, with none other than Rey in his mind. 

Maybe he could never stop this. He was a creep, and he should learn how to live with it. 

He finally sat down to read her work. It was good. Really good. But it wasn't perfect. And Kylo found himself breathing a sigh of relief at that. Because if it were perfect, and he had to give her an A or something, not only would other people question whether she truly deserved it, but she would too. And not even just Rey, but also his own mind. It would accuse him of treating her differently, and he absolutely did not want to live with the guilt of doing that. Not that he cared much about the rest of his students and wronging them. But giving Rey higher grades than she had earned with her studying, felt like "awarding" her for what she had offered him. _Paying_ her. 

He shivered. That would truly mean he was taking advantage of her. 

But he wasn't. Anything that had happened between them, it had been long before he was her professor. He didn't force her to do anything in any way. And, maybe, just maybe… she wanted him too? 

It didn't matter. He recalled how she had stretched her hand towards him, re-introduced herself, and supposedly this would be a new start. Supposedly, they would leave behind everything that had happened. He was just her professor now. She was just his student. 

Rey seemed to be more comfortable in class these days. She raised her hand more often, and she wasn't basically hiding from him. Good. She was really starting over. He needed to catch up. But all he could do was steal quick glances at her. All he could hear every time she spoke, were secret sexual innuendos. Why was she torturing him like that? 

And then it hit him. She was doing this on purpose!

Oh, she hadn't moved on. Far from it. She was teasing him, she was staring, she was… avoiding him. She didn't talk to him outside the classroom. And there were times when he had run into her, and tried saying at least hi, but she would just blush and walk away. One time, she was with Finn. He gave Kylo a tight nod, an acknowledgment of his existence, but Rey nothing. The mixed signals were driving him insane. 

Kylo had never felt like people could actually _want_ him, for who he was. Yet he felt wanted when he locked eyes with Rey, even for a second. If he thought about it, the clues were all there. She had wanted him for a long time. Him being her professor was merely an inconvenience to her, not an obstacle. But then again... 

God, he was an idiot. It wasn't that Rey actually _did_ anything to show him any kind of interest. It was just him, wanting her so badly, that he was reading into things. He couldn't avoid it anymore. Accepting his feelings for her was the only way forward. It was kind of funny when he thought about it; how had this even happened? He remembered hating her, he remembered his mouth tasting bad just at the sight of her. And even after they had slept together, he remembered getting into fist fights with her, and yelling at her. He could never raise his voice at her again. 

She had him wrapped around her finger. Did she even know that? Did she even understand? Anytime she appeared with a skirt in class, all he could think about was putting his hand under it. Anytime he saw her with anyone else, he wished he could be them. It wasn't just a sexual desire anymore; he wanted to spend time with her. He wanted to be in her life, he wanted to make her laugh. Gosh, had he ever heard her laugh? All he seemed to be able to do was make her mad. 

Kylo realized he wanted Rey long before it was obvious even to him. Perhaps from the very first day he met her. She was gorgeous, she immediately outsmarted him, she was fiery and she was kind. Surely, what he had felt about her couldn't have been antipathy. The reason he hated her, and Hux, and himself, wasn't because she was anything less than perfect. Oh, how jealous he had been. Oh, how it hurt to have this loving creature hate him. 

The next time he met her outside the classroom was at a frat party. He really shouldn't have been there, considering he's a professor and such. But apparently the party was being thrown by the little brother of someone from his team, so when he invited him (Kylo knew Rey would be in that party all along) he found himself agreeing. It was a bad, bad idea. What was he even going to do there? He couldn't talk to her; everyone would immediately spot the professor chatting with his student. All he could do was sit with his peers and look around. Most boring party ever. 

Until Rey showed up. 

She was wearing heels, and a long dress he could have sworn he'd seen Rose wear before. It must have been her roommate's, considering it looked a little small on her. But in no way did it look bad. If anything, the clear misfit made her look older, it drew out every single childlike feature, it made her look tall and sophisticated. She had lipstick on and her eyes were adorned with black hues that made them sparkle. 

She was stunning. And he hated it. Because she couldn't have known he would be there, which meant she was dressing up for someone else. 

His cock didn't hate the view at all though. 

Rey didn't notice her professor. She acquired a cup of drink that she sipped carefully and sporadically, and sat across the room in a corner, alone. Her friends had left her to have fun- Finn and Poe were making out somewhere in the crowd, and Rose was dancing with a couple of guys. But Rey didn't look bored. She mostly looked like like she was daydreaming, and every once in a while she would leave the wall she was leaning on so that she could do a spin and admire her dress. Kylo gasped every time he saw her do that. What an idiot had he been. She wasn't dressing up for anyone else. Not everything had to be about guys, anyway. She was enjoying looking radiant, and dammit, she should! 

Kylo should probably stop staring like that. Someone could see him. _She_ could see him. But every time he averted his eyes, his mouth went dry and his member twitched towards the direction Rey was standing. Demanding to enjoy the view of her one more time.

Someone eventually walked up to her, placing a hand next to her head on the wall, leaning in and getting straight into her personal space. The plastic cup Kylo was holding was squashed between his fingers before he knew it. The primal need to protect what was his covered his whole body. But he calmed himself before he could do anything stupid. Rey wasn't his. She didn't belong to him. And if she didn't want douchy teenagers hitting on her, she could stop it. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. And if she _wanted_ douchy teenagers hitting on her, she could let them. She could even have sex with them, he didn't-

Dammit, he couldn't take it! He was painfully aware that he had taken her virginity, and it was bad, it was the worst, and he just wished he could make it up to her. He wished he would be the one to make her feel good, give her what she deserved. Not a drunken student who wore his pants way too low! He could never give her what Kylo could. 

Rey looked very unamused with the boy, and after a while, she started shaking her head and pushing him away- not in the playful kind of way. Kylo grinned, satisfied, but not just yet. He got up and walked over to the two of them. But he couldn't just tap the guy on the shoulder and punch him, no matter how much he wanted to. And he didn't want anyone, not even Rey, to realize he was trying to get him away from her. 

He stumbled over his feet and dumped all the beer that was left in his crumbled cup on the student. 

"Ah! Dude!" the boy screamed, and his voice sounded girly. Had he even gone through puberty yet? 

"Oh, my! I'm so sorry!" 

He looked at his wet shirt and his wet pants that looked like he had peed himself. And his wet shoes. "My Js!" And then he ran upstairs, possibly towards the bathroom. 

Kylo was too scared to turn and look at Rey. She totally had seen right through his little play. She would be mad. She would say something like "I don't need you to save me!" and she would be right. But he felt her eyes running all over him with an intensity that burned, and his cheeks lighted up, as he slowly looked her way. He didn't bother looking surprised to see her. 

Her lips were a little parted and her eyes unblinking. Kylo gulped. He should say something. 

No! No, he shouldn't. Anyone sees them talking and they're screwed. But as he looked around the room, no one was paying attention to the pair of them, and all of them looked too drunk to remember anything the next day. 

When he looked back at her, her gaze was lower. Way lower. She was staring at the bump in his pants, and oh God, he had forgotten how visible it was! His cock jerked and ached -it hurt so bad- as it was finally getting the attention it wanted and was pressing forward to be released. Kylo had to fight the urge to grab it. 

Rey finally looked up at him again, with almost the same expression: parted lips and widened eyes. But this time her eyes were glittering and her breaths were coming out of her lips unevenly. The color of her cheeks started matching the one on his own, and fuck, she looked majestic. She looked the way she did after he had fucked her that night. This time he couldn't help it; he placed his palm over his jeans instinctively, and Rey totally acknowledged the action.

He really, really needed to leave. Maybe people hadn't seen them talking, but seeing them just… standing there and staring at each other was worse. So he turned abruptly and ran out. He didn't even tell anyone he was leaving. He needed to be alone in his house, fast, otherwise, he might just explode. 

The moment he passed through his door, he fell on the couch and palmed himself. God, he was the hardest he had ever been. With hasty movements, he freed his cock and started pumping furiously. That was it, he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He wanted her, badly. He needed her. He _had_ to have her. And if it meant waiting months until his course was over, so be it. Although he would drop on his knees the moment she asked him to. He would do anything. 

The image of her heated face at the sight of him at the party crossed his mind, and almost pushed him over the edge. She looked hot. She looked turned on. He wondered if she would touch herself that night too. He wondered if she ever thought of him when she did. 

And she wondered the same about him. After Rose almost passed out on her bed, Rey had lowered her hand over her pajamas. Just because she had to. Just because her whole body was on fire, and her pussy was pulsing and demanding to be touched, and she didn't know what else to do. And it felt good. It felt good to feel the pressure. She had never done that before, and the color on her cheeks was partly from embarrassment. But then she thought about Kylo, how big and hard he looked under his jeans. And why? Just because he had seen her? 

There was a strangled noise that vibrated in her throat, and she pressed harder, moving her hand a bit. It felt _so_. Fucking. Good. She tried to imagine Kylo masturbating. He probably did. And the idea made her even bolder, moving her hand under her PJs, and then, after a couple of rubs, under her panties, too. Gosh, she was dripping! Of course she was. Of course! But it was, wow, it was _something_ to feel that on her hand. And every movement now just felt a thousand times intensified. She wondered if Kylo was touching himself at the same time she was. She wondered if he was thinking about her, or if he was watching porn, or if he had just emptied his sack out of necessity and nothing more. 

She needed this. She needed to feel him. And she closed her eyes and imagined his hands, his fingers. She remembered how they had slipped inside of her at the night of the concert. His fingers were thick and filled her whole. Her own played with her folds, as she considered putting them inside her, but was a little shy. But her restrain didn't last very long. She moved her middle finger slowly inside, and she gasped. Everything was slippery, and tight, and warm, and it made her mouth drop. Moving higher up, she started pressing at the side of her inner walls, because something told her to. And she imagined Kylo filling her instead. Not just his hands. She imagined his cock inside her. She didn't remember how big he was, but guessing by the bump on his trousers, he was _big_.

Her mouth was wide open, her eyes screwed closed, and it looked like she was silently screaming. Until she just stopped. She just relaxed, and she felt her inner walls clenching around her finger, and then unclenching, and then clenching again like someone was squeezing her. She removed her hand and looked at it in the dark. It was wrinkled as if she had been having a bath for half an hour. 

She couldn't lie to herself anymore, either. She wanted Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think about this one in the comments <3 It's going to be the only thing that puts a smile on my face these horrible days of torture...
> 
> Btw trying to write Possessive Kylo™ and also Strong Rey™ at the same time is pretty difficult :P I hope I did alright.


	13. Study hard, play harder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't bring myself to keep you waiting too long ;)

Rose walked in the dorm room and sat _on_ Rey. Like, literally lied on top of her. She took a hold of her textbook and closed it briefly to see what it was. And then she gasped. 

"You're studying Civil and Environmental Engineering?" And then she started giggling. "That's Kylo's course, isn't?" 

Rey shifted to drop Rose off of her. She fell next to her on the bed. 

"Yes. I need to study for that, too, you know."

Her roommate narrowed her eyes at her. 

"But I haven't seen you study anything else." Then her mouth formed a tiny 'o'. "Does someone here want to impress Mr. Professor?" 

"No… someone wants to keep her grades up." 

But Rose started tickling her. She closed her book and threw it on her roommate's bed across from them, and then devoted herself to fake wrestling Rose. After a while that they had tired each other out, they lied back down side by side and stared at the ceiling. 

"Rey. You would tell me if there was something going on between you and Kylo, right?" 

The question didn't come exactly as a surprise. Rey actually thought it had been very delayed. She was happy that Rose wasn't looking at her now because she almost started blushing. 

She nodded. "Yeah. But there isn't. Where did you get that idea?" 

"Well, you know. He had come here to find you right after you broke up with Hux." 

"Yeah, to tell me to get back together with him. And then we fought. Pretty bad." 

"Oh…" 

There was a tiny silence, and then Rose spoke again. 

"And then it was the whole deal at our board game night. Where you wanted us to suddenly stop hating him." 

"No, I didn't say that. It was a moment I kind of… I guess… I realized I didn't hate him that much." 

Rose sat up suddenly, making the mattress below them tremble. She pointed a finger at her. 

"See? There's also that. You don't hate him anymore, whereas bubbles used to come out of your mouth when you thought about him." 

Rey sat up too. But before she said anything, she started laughing at Rose's comment. _Bubbles._ They lied back down together. 

"Well, the guy did tell me about Hux, and all the stuff he did. I can't quite hate him after that. Plus, he total kicked his ass to clear my name," she chuckled.

She felt Rose's elbow nudging her. "That, too. Why did he do that?" 

Rey looked at her. "What do you mean? Hux was a total asshole." 

"No, I know that. I mean why did Kylo beat his best friend for you. That doesn't seem suspicious to you?" Rey was definitely blushing now. She looked back at the ceiling. "Maybe he likes you, too." 

"Hey, hey. No 'too's. I never said I liked him." 

And there was silence again. A longer one. Rose nuzzled closer to her, and they were basically cuddling. They did have naps together sometimes. When it was too cold to sleep separately. Or when one of them was feeling down. It was nice. Rey was used to sleeping always alone, whereas Rose was used to sleeping with her sister. Now that she was gone, she had the need to hug and cuddle Rey. And Rey absolutely had the need to hug and cuddle anyone, really. Sometimes she didn't even know who started it; who needed it more. They were holding each other, trying to fix, comfort each other. Rey had Rose for that, so she hadn't really felt the need for someone else. But now, right after a conversation solely about her being with Kylo, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to cuddle with him. He was almost twice as big as Rose. And the idea of getting lost in his embrace made her stomach feel funny. But not the kind of funny she usually felt about him. It wasn't the heat of arousal. It was what she'd heard people call "butterflies". 

"All I'm saying-" Rose spoke again with a soft voice, "- is that it's okay if you like him. He's actually pretty hot." Rey laughed at that, a deep, rumbling laughter. And Rose mimicked her. "Just don't feel remorse if that's what you want, because you used to date his friend, or because you used to tell us you hate him. People change, let alone their opinions." 

Her words made Rey feel nice. They made her feel safe, for once. Less guilty. Maybe Rose was right; maybe she was being too hard on herself. Every time she felt something, or she thought about him, she scolded herself and felt ashamed. She shouldn't. Right? Rose says she shouldn't, and she should listen to her. Because her roommate is an amazing person. 

"He's my Professor…" 

That was the only excuse she had left. And Rose definitely understood that Rey hadn't exactly refused her feelings this time. Instead, she had just introduced her only problem left. 

Rose held her a little tighter. "He won't be forever." 

But it seemed like forever. Everytime Rey walked into Civil and Environmental Engineering or left without talking to Kylo, felt like forever. Fate was very cruel to her. It was making her look at and listen to him for an hour three times a week. And to top it all off, he looked insanely hot when he gave lectures. The topics weren't always interesting, and he had a talent at getting off topic, but his voice was so deep and soft, she could listen to him repeating the same words over and over all day long. 

They had agreed to start over, but neither of them had really kept that promise. The only thing it did was make it seemingly inappropriate for them to talk. Other than that, she kept on staring at him hungrily during his lectures and he kept on glancing at the back where she sat. His glances were short and neutral because he didn't have the freedom she did; every student in there was staring at him. But they were enough to fuel her desires, to make her soaking wet and squirm in her seat. 

All Rose's speech did was make it all worse. Because now Rey had no filter. She felt no shame, and she kept on staring, and daydreaming, and biting her lips. One time -she didn't even realize she was doing it- she lowered her hand and placed her palm on her sex, just so that she could feel the pressure. She did realize it though, when Professor Solo looked at her, and his voice cracked. _Miserably._ She withdrew her hand but enjoyed the look on his face too much to feel sorry. 

She kept biting and chewing on her pen, imagining it was actually him. And she was ready for her torture to end. She was ready to feel him again, to accept her attraction to the ridiculously hot man that honestly, how wasn't everyone mad about him? She wondered whether it was just her shivering when he said some words that way because she knew what it was like to kiss him, or everyone in there. No, waiting months until this stupid semester was over and he wasn't her professor anymore was too long. It had already been too long. She was scared he had stopped thinking about her. If he ever did. 

He had gotten off topic again. Talking about some students doing an experiment wrong and endangering their lives. He was trying to stress safety measures, and rules, and just, in general, doing an experiment _right._

The moment he said the word, she knew what she had to do. She raised her hand, and he eyed her, a little wary. Because Rey raised her hand only to say something that would throw him off balance, or secretly make him hard. She liked to play with words, and asked questions that sounded innocent, sounded relevant to the course, but in reality, the two of them understood them on another level. 

"Yes?" he finally said, pointing at her with his head. He _wanted_ to be distracted by her. 

"So, professor… when you're saying that the next time we do this, we have to do it right… what exactly do you mean?" 

A couple of students turned and looked at her like that's what he's been saying for the past ten minutes. But she just stared at Kylo's eyes and watched as he lost all the color from his face, and his lips parted slightly so that he could breathe a little deeper. And so she knew; she knew he had understood. 

He cleared his throat, and walked behind his desk and sat down. She wondered if he did that to hide himself behind it, and her cunning smile became brighter. 

"Well, first of all, you have to have permission to do anything."

Oh, goodie, he was replying! 

"And the person giving you permission has to actually be in a state that allows him such authority." 

He made it sound very convincing for the rest of the students. But she knew what he was really saying. That he needs her consent, and this time she has to not be drunk. She could understand why that was very important to him. He was a lot older, and being with her could very easily be misinterpreted as forcing her, or taking advantage. Especially now that he was her professor.

"Next, you need to make sure you're not breaking University rules. Or any rules, for that matter." 

Oh, no. That was in reference to him being her professor. And maybe even to her being someone else's girlfriend. 

"You need to know what you're about to do. And really want it. Otherwise, it will just be a disaster." 

Rey leaned forward, listening to him with all of her attention. She almost felt the urge to put her hands down on her again, just to tease him a little further. But she decided to have mercy on him. 

"Oh, and don't like, drink before you do anything." Kylo gave the auditorium a look. "Actually, don't drink at all. Most of you in here are underage." 

He could see his students giving each other looks. These rules still applied to experiment safety, but they were _weird._ And different from what he'd been saying before. He looked at Rey one last time and cursed himself mentally for having indulged her in this. But he couldn't help it; it was really hot. How they could communicate without anyone realizing what was really being said. And he made a reminder to praise her for her question later. 

Plus, the fact that she had asked something like that really got his hopes up. Because it could mean she wanted him and wanted to know how to get to him. And when he looked at her, he was sure of it. The look on her face- it was amazing. 

After the class ended, Rey didn't even wait for the other students to get out before she started walking down to his desk. But thankfully she did wait to speak. The small silence in between though made him kind of anxious. They hadn't spoken apart from her questions during the lecture, and it made him both excited and scared to finally have her in front of him again, in private. 

"Good question," he told her. "But I would have assumed you already knew the answer to it." 

"Professor…" she muttered, and it made his cock twitch a bit. She was still keeping up the show, even when they were alone, and it made him feel… _something._ "I missed class the other day." She rocked on her heels and kept her gaze low on the floor. 

He nodded. "I noticed." Rey looked up at that, a little surprised that he had admitted it, but also clearly satisfied. 

"I was wondering if you could give me some notes on what you taught." 

He frowned a little. Did she really just want the notes? He knew he should never just _assume_ what people mean, in fear of them meaning something else. So he tried to decide between telling her he would bring them to their next class or telling her to come over to take them. 

"Where do you want me to bring them?" he asked, finally. 

And then she turned around to leave. "Oh, I'll just come by your place to pick them up," she said over her shoulder, and then disappeared. 

She wasn't asking him; she wasn't giving him a choice. She was telling him. And it made him ridiculously horny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... We're finally getting closer... It's like, unbelievably close. Okay, I'm not gonna lie... Next chapter has some decent smut in it :P I hope you are prepared (and excited!). 
> 
> If you like this story please, consider leaving some kudos and comments. I really love reading your thoughts guys! <3


	14. What Pothos always wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Smut entering this chapter:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Some- *breaks down door* -BODY ONCE TOLD ME**
> 
>  
> 
> No, but honestly. This is THE longest chapter I've written. It's like double the usual ones. And half of it is just basically porn. So yeah, you've been **warned.** I was originally going to make it into two chapters, but hey,  I'm not that evil. But I did try to give you some anxiety filled Kylo before getting him into sexy mode. So just sit back and enjoy, while these two losers finally get some– sober.

Kylo was edgy all day long. Let's not talk about how his research went, which was terrible. And let's not talk about the way Hux was looking at him: as if he could tell what was about to happen. He didn't pay too much attention to him though, just made a reminder to be careful around him. If Hux hadn't gotten him in any trouble for hitting him yet, that did not mean he had forgotten about it. And Kylo knew that. 

When he got home, he realized that Rey had said she would come over, without saying when. He panicked, searching for the notes he had promised her, and cleaning up his stray laundry that laid all around the apartment. But he was done within half an hour, and then he had nothing to do with himself. He just sat there, waiting. Until his phone buzzed. 

Is around nine a good time?

He had almost forgotten she had his number. Of course, he hadn't forgotten he had hers. He had spent many hours hovering over his phone, trying to decide whether he should call her. But the text didn't calm him down just because she was coming. It was also because she was coming pretty late. It couldn't possibly be just for the notes, could it? 

It's perfect.

He had time to kill, and he decided to kill it by cooking some dinner. After all, he barely ate lunch and was starving. He didn't know why Rey would be hungry at 9 pm if she had already eaten, but he thought he should be prepared just in case. And so he didn't make something easy and quick, like spaghetti, but rather hot chicken wings with fries. The amount that he made was a lot more than a bachelor would normally need. But it took his mind off and gave him something to do while waiting. 

He ate before she came. For a second he thought about waiting for her but didn't want to just look like he assumed she would eat there. He had just made more food just in case, and as far as Rey was concerned, it could be for the next day, and not her. 

It wasn't even nine yet -he knew because he kept checking- when his doorbell was heard. He thought it was someone else, and got ready to throw whoever it was away before she came. But when he opened the door, Rey was standing there with a smile. 

He forgot how to interact with people. 

"Um… may I come in?" she said, and it dawned on him that they were just standing there. 

"Oh, right, yeah." He opened the door fully, and after giving the road a double look for anyone that could have seen them, he closed it. 

And then he realized what exactly he'd done. He had let a student of his in his house after dark. And it was bad and inappropriate. And he was worried that if someone saw them, he could get fired and get Rey in trouble. Up until then, he mostly saw her as Rey. The young girl Hux used to date. The girl he'd spend a lot of time with because they had common friends (well, mostly Hux, again). The girl he'd slept with when he was drunk. 

But now Rey was his student. 

He regretted telling her to come over. No matter how much he wanted her- no matter how he thought and dreamt about this moment for months- he could wait longer. He could wait until he wasn't her professor, he could wait as long as she'd like. But then again, no one said she would wait too. 

He walked over to his desk that sat at the corner of the living room. Well, it was the living room, plus his office, plus basically the hall. At the far end was the door that connected to the only room, then on the left was the door to the bathroom, and a corridor that lead to the kitchen. 

He grabbed the notes and walked over to Rey, who was still standing in the middle of the room, looking around. She had been there twice, but both times were just so much different. The first time, the place was decorated with their clothes thrown all over the place. It was impossible to understand _how_ >  
and _where_ exactly they had gotten undressed. The second time it was decorated in red, holiday colors. But now it was simple. Real. 

He appeared in front of her again, and without making eye contact, handed her the notes. 

"Oh," she sounded almost surprised. "Thanks." That was definitely disappointment in her voice. 

When he looked at her, saw the hurt look in her eyes, he suddenly couldn't let her go. He never could. 

"Are you hungry?" he found himself asking. 

Great. The food was supposed to be just. In. Case! What was he doing? She would think he was weird, or that he just assumed they were dating. Which they weren't. He wasn't dating his student. 

But she just looked at him with an eyebrow playfully raised. 

"I made chicken wings," he elaborated because he realized they were two ways to interpret what he had said. Rey looked at him for a moment and then nodded. 

She ate with a lot of appetite. It made him wonder what she usually ate, and pained at the thought that without a family to support her, her diet must have been very plain. He decided to tell her some of the notes out loud, like a miny lecture, just so that he wouldn't just sit there and stare. But it felt good to have her there. It felt good to be home with her, talking without shouting for once. Just her presence there soothed him. 

So he changed his mind again. He had already warned her, and he had made it clear that the decision was all her own. So if she decided that she wanted him, why object? He wanted her too- no, he needed her. He needed to claim her for his own. Just his, no one else's. He needed to take her every way he could. He needed to make her feel the way she should. He had to make it up to her for taking her virginity like that. Gosh, he needed her so bad he almost pushed everything off the table and climbed on top. 

It seemed that Rey was just as eager to finish her food, even though she still looked so _hungry._ He looked at her lips, stained with grease and oil. 

"Dessert?" he mumbled. This time Rey didn't have to look at him to know how what he had said sounded, again. He cleared his throat. "Real dessert. I've got cheesecake." 

Before she could say anything, be stood up and got two plates to serve them both.

"Did you make that too?" 

"Oh, no. I bought it." 

A big piece of the promised good appeared in front of her, and even though she felt full, she dug in. 

"You know… you seem to have a lot of food for someone who supposedly lives alone. Are you sure you don't have a lady here?" 

Kylo frowned at the question, taking a big bite of his piece. "Yes." 

"Hm…" Rey tried to look skeptical. "You'll have to show me your bedroom for me to believe you." 

Kylo's hand froze mid-air for a moment, but then he continued normally. Then Rey decided she was done, stood up, and walked herself back to the living room. As if she owned the place, she started pulling the curtains closed, and then stood there, next to the door, as Kylo immerged from the kitchen. He looked at her but didn't move any closer. Didn't say anything. She knew what he was waiting for; consent. 

"Kiss me." 

It was definitely a command, and Rey expected Kylo to comply. He crooked his head a bit, still standing there, but then moved forward with a couple of long strides. When he was right in front of her, he put a hand under her chin, and his eyes left hers only to stare at her lips just as intensely. He raised her head and started leaning down. The heat on her lower belly grew bigger, and she would swear it could control her and was trying to push her even closer to him. His lips hovered right above hers, and she parted her mouth, taking in his breath, and shutting her eyes closed. 

But he just sniffed her and pulled back. A drowned gasp of annoyance vibrated at the low of her throat, as she eyed him in disbelief. He raised an eyebrow. 

"No alcohol," he commented. Had he really just sniffed her breath for that? 

She frowned, feeling kind of offended, and was ready to do what they did best; fight. "I'm not drunk!" 

"Rey…" his deep voice rumbled in her ears, as his fingertips touched the inside of her wrists. "I need to know you understand what you're getting yourself into here." His hands closed around hers, but not with force. She could free them any time she wanted, and she knew that was done on purpose. He slowly raised them over her head and pressed them on the door behind her. "You have tortured me quite a lot this past couple of months. I need you to know I will be seeking revenge." 

Her breath came out hoarse, but Kylo somehow seemed more controlled than he was before. She raised her head slightly towards him, tried to get their mouths to align. 

"Okay…" 

His grip on her got a little tighter, and even though his feet remained planted on the same spots on the floor, he leaned in a little closer. 

"No. I need you to say it." He dipped his head again, and he was now only one breath away from her lips. "I need to hear you say it, Rey." 

It was almost painful to be so close to him, to hear his voice and feel his breath on her lips, and not have him. Her voice came out like a tiny squeal. 

"I want you, Kylo. I want you to take me." 

And he was onto her. He crushed her body with his on the door, and he devoured her mouth with an urgency that they both felt. His lips were soft and big, and feeling them brushing hers was so much better than she remembered than she dreamed. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and if made her whole body shiver. She wanted to get him closer, to touch his hair, his face, but he was pinning her wrists on the door, and she couldn't move. She felt his groin grind on her, and she moaned to the feeling. To the feeling she barely remembered, yet missed so much. 

He pulled away from her mouth and dipped his face in her neck. His hold on her wrists loosened, and she tried to pull them free, but then he sucked on her neck. And it immediately drained her of all her strength. She just hung there, being supported only by the mass of his body pressed on hers. He kissed her forcefully, and there were hints of pain whenever he bit her or sucked a little too hard, but she forgot about them the moment they happened. Then he got back to kissing her mouth, and let her hands free. 

She instantly dipped her fingers in his hair and held him there, close to her, closer, _closer._ His arms snaked around her waist, and he peeled her off the door, but never his body. Then they touched her up and down her back, and landed under her ass, lifting her up without the slightest effort. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and now she found herself just a little bit above him. She pulled away just a little bit and started kissing his cheek, the side of his neck, the shell of his ear. Kylo made a soft noise, and she decided right there and then, that it was her favorite sound in the world. 

"Did you say you wanted to see my bedroom?" His voice was distant. 

"Uh-hmm" 

She started kissing him again, pressing her pelvis just a little bit more strongly on his body in order to feel him where she needed the most. Kylo started walking to his room, never letting her go or not kissing her, apart from the moment he needed to open the door. 

He laid her down on the mattress and she sunk in. It was so much softer than any bed she ever called her own. He stood over her, too far away for her liking. But he was checking her out, letting his eyes roam over the entirety of her, memorizing her everything. 

"May I take off your clothes?" 

Rey found her fingers gripping his arms on either side of her body, and dipped her nails in his skin. 

"Please." 

He gave her one more kiss on the mouth but pulled away quickly. His hands grabbed the hem of her sweater and pulled it off. He looked at her with his eyes widened a bit and his lips parted in the sexiest way.

"I did not remember you so beautiful," he murmured with disbelief and dropped his head down to her chest 

He kissed her everywhere, and then unclipped her bra easily enough. He threw it away and palmed her breasts. It was either that his hands were massive, or that she had tiny boobs because they completely disappeared under his touch. Kylo didn't seem to mind though. He pulled her left breast in his mouth, and his soft, swollen lips on her nipple were a crazy sensation. He sucked her carefully, and then took her right breast in his mouth. Her hands tried to grab his hair again, but he stopped her and pulled away. When they made eye contact again, they both looked so _high_ on this. 

His breath was getting uneven and deep, but she knew it wasn't because he was tired. He unbuttoned her pants, and before pulling them off, he placed a kiss over her panties, right on the swell of her sex. Rey gasped at the sensation. He looked up at her, and the way his eyes locked with hers while he was down there was the only proof she needed to say: this was the hottest he had ever or could ever be. 

"I want to taste you," he said, and she could feel his words tingle her. "I want to eat you." 

She threw her head back. The way he looked at her was too much. 

"Yes," she breathed, and felt him take off her pants completely. 

He hooked two fingers under her panties but lingered. She looked at him, nodded, and then her panties were off. He put his hand down there first, feeling her folds, but not entering her. 

"Damn, you're so wet!" 

Rey laughed. Because he was surprised at that, yet she would be surprised at anything else. 

"It's a real problem, Kylo. You're constantly making me _too_ wet." 

He groaned when he heard that, and his grip on her thighs tightened to an extent it almost hurt. He drugged her closer to his face, and then she felt his lips. Those soft, plump, wet lips...

The feeling was something her brain could never come up with.

He kissed around her folds, and then mouthed her clit. She moaned at that, and it was like the noise was coming from another person. Then he started to lick her, and everything on her body worked together to just make her weaker, and weaker, and…

"Kylo…" 

The name slipped off her lips without giving it permission to. And as a response, the man between her thighs moaned and placed a finger under his mouth. He moved slowly inside her, yet she still squeaked when she felt him. Her breaths were loud and noisy, and she tried to be more silent, but then he curled his finger inside her and she screamed his name. 

Rey grabbed his hair, and her legs worked in a way that pushed her closer to his face, even if she didn't intend to. Kylo was working his finger in and out of her, and at the same time suckling her clit, and it made her pant in synchronization. His mouth left her and she didn't like that. 

"More?" she heard him say, and she didn't know what he meant, but she definitely knew her answer. 

"Yes."

His mouth returned on her, and then she felt a second finger nudging at her entrance. She widened her eyes, not understanding how she could take so much of him at once. His fingers were massive! But when it actually slipped inside her, her brain blacked out. It was so much _more._ It almost felt like she hadn't been feeling anything up to that point. 

Kylo started curling both his fingers inside her, and she broke down into _ohs_ and _ahs_ until their sensation was all she could feel. Untill it covered her whole, and it was so much, it was _too_ much, and she yelled. 

She felt her legs trembling and everything faded away. 

She didn't realize when Kylo left from under her; she just saw his face over hers again, with a smug smile. The hand that was inside her was now on her belly, and she could feel the slickness on her skin. 

"Good?" Kylo asked, and he must have really waited for an answer. But Rey had none of those. She just stared at him the way humans probably looked at fire for the first time. And when he kissed her, she could feel the odd taste of her own body. 

She almost thought she wouldn't be able to move for the rest of the night. But the moment she felt his erection grind on her lower stomach, her senses were returned to her. She suddenly realized that Kylo was still very much dressed. She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled it. 

"You have to lose these," she mumbled against his lips.

He chuckled. Then he sat on his heels and took his shirt off. He moved to get off the bed so that he could remove his pants too, but Rey stopped him. She just wanted to look at him. She trailed her fingers over his muscles in amazement. She never felt especially attracted to men who were ripped, it wasn't what she looked for in someone. But Kylo was just so perfectly perfect, nothing too much, not too little, and it took her breath away. She had seen him before, when she had woken up in this very bed, at this very site. But she wasn't in the state to appreciate what was before her. 

Kylo started feeling a little self-conscious under her stare. He knew she was watching him with only good things in her mind, but he wasn't used to people liking him for his appearance. He moved back down to kiss her and break her off the spell his body had put her under. Then he got off and lost the pants. 

Seeing him with just his black boxers on made Rey's stomach burn again. But she didn't want just that. She wanted to see him. All of him. One of the most frustrating things about her faded memories was that she couldn't remember him down there. 

"Take it off," she said a little more sharply than she meant, staring at the bump that was created under the fabric. Kylo bit his lip at her eagerness, and at the way she seemed to like him, to crave him just as he was. 

He obeyed, taking his boxers off, and standing for a moment so that she could see him. Her eyes didn't linger on his member for too long but instead flew back at his, widened, a mixture of nervousness and wonder reflected on them. The sides of his lips jerked a bit, and so did his cock. He took a condom from the drawer on his nightstand and put it on.

Then Kylo climbed back on the bed, positioning himself between Rey's legs, opening them up and gripping her hips almost violently. "I told you I would punish you for what you've done to me," he breathed out. 

Rey didn't make any sounds, but she started shaking her head. He put a hand on her shoulder, but then stopped. Was she so scared? Was she telling him to stop? They looked at each other for a long moment, and he felt his dick nudging forward and touching her all on its own. She bit her lower lip hard, very hard, and then she nodded at him.

He took one of her legs and placed a small kiss on it to reassure her. Then he lifted her hips higher, placed himself on her center, and with the hand, he had on her shoulder, he pushed her down on him. 

He heard his own moan and hers singing in tandem but stopped himself. She was so tight and so warm, his eyes closed tightly shut on their own, and his head fell back. After a couple of seconds, he looked back at her, and this time she nodded more eagerly. He pushed himself further inside her. Rey squealed at the feeling, and he groaned, because feeling her like that, and hearing her making those sounds drove him crazy. The way he could see he was making her feel drove him crazy. 

Rey tugged his shoulders to tell him silently to keep going, and when he didn't immediately, she pulled his hair. It made him gasp, and his hips slapped on hers before he could control himself to go more easily. She screamed under him. Then drugged his head closer to hers, and covered her mouth with his hair. He felt her hot breaths on his scalp, and if he weren't afraid of hurting her, he would have started rocking mercilessly. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, and his right hand left her shoulder to cup her cheek, while his left one rested over her belly, feeling the swell he was creating by being inside her. Everything about her was so sexy, and he barely contained himself still. 

Rey started planting kisses on his head. "I'm okay. I'm good." Then she raised him so that she could kiss him on the lips. And it was sweet. And loving. "You can go on." 

Kylo took a couple of breaths and pulled himself half out of her. He could see her shuddering and quivering under him. For a moment he couldn't understand whether she liked the feeling or not, but when he pushed back in, she moaned, loudly. And he knew it was for a good reason. 

He kissed her down and started picking up the speed a bit, still moving carefully in and out of her. She felt amazing. He wanted to do this for the rest of his life. He didn't know why with Rey it felt so different and didn't care to find out right then. As she started moaning more loudly, and more frequently, he pressed his tongue inside her mouth to eat most of her noises. But the way she kissed him, hungrily and absentmindedly, lost in the feeling of him inside her, made him groan himself. 

He peeled himself from her body, grabbing her hips and getting into a rhythm, forgetting to be gentle. But his every thrust was met with a happy squeal, and it encouraged him to go deeper, go faster. 

For a second, he stopped to catch his breath and brought her legs over his shoulders. And when he thrust again, he could hear the difference in the noises she made. 

"Kylo, fuck!" she yelled, and gripped the bed sheets with force. 

He closed his eyes tight because just looking at her like that could make him come, and he wanted to last longer. But her screams kept becoming louder and hoarser with every thrust, and then she screamed his name again, like it was everything that was holy tο her, and felt her clench around him. 

She was so loud, he thought about putting his hand on her mouth. But when he did, instead of trying to silence her, he just held her, two fingers inside her, around her tongue. She was loud and he loved it. He wanted to hear all of it. Because she was feeling everything. She was feeling good. And he was the one making her feel that way. He was making her scream and ah- ah--

He bit his lip and squeezed her leg between his hand. His eyes rolled to the back of his skull, as he rode Rey until he started getting soft inside her. Then started gasping. 

He didn't want to get out of her, but he needed to lie down, and couldn't in that position. So he got out slowly, took off the condom filled with his seed, tied it around itself, and threw it in the bin. When he returned his attention to Rey, she was breathing loudly, but there was a smile on her lips. He got to her side and kissed that beautiful smile, and it felt like his payment, it felt like it was worth every risk, and every fight, and every moment he had ever wasted not being with Rey.

He rested his head on her chest, cupping her breast almost possessively, his damp, sweaty hair tingling her neck and his legs wrapped around hers. They stayed like that until their breathing eased back to normal. 

"Kylo?" Rey's voice was tiny, but it brought him back from a trance that almost had him asleep. 

He turned slightly and kissed her breast. "Yes?" He sounded husky and content, and Rey could feel his chest rumbling as he spoke. She started stroking his hair. 

"I'm really glad you were my first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, real talk
> 
> This is my very first time writing something so explicit. It might be obvious, idk. So I'm asking you to comment below, telling me what you thought, what you think I should change, or perhaps I should add. Pleaseee. I want the dirty scenes to only get better from now on. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> I do have a couple of "wild" things in mind. This was just their first time. Well, first… But yeah, it's gonna get worse. I mean better. (No I mean worse).


	15. See you around, kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who officiallly finished their exams? :)

"I have to go back," Rey said after a pretty long time that they were just laying there, holding each other. 

It was the worst. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to let him go, in fear that she might not get to hold him again like that. But she didn't want to just stay there the night either; didn't want to put Kylo in a difficult situation. What if he didn't want her to stay? 

He raised his head, his eyes only half open, and she wondered if he had fallen asleep. He looked a little sad, and something inside her hoped he would ask her to stay. 

"Right now?" 

She nodded. "Rose will be worried." 

He turned, moving off of her and falling on his back next to her. He put a hand in his hair and growled slightly. Then he sat up and rubbed his eyes. 

"Alright. I'll drive you to campus." 

Rey thought about telling him no because that meant risking people seeing them together. She could just walk. But then she saw, it was past 12, and couldn't really go around town so late at night. Kylo started putting on the same clothes he wore before, and she did the same. They didn't really talk as they got in his car and drove away. But it didn't feel awkward. She knew it was probably because he was sleepy.

When they arrived outside campus, she just told him to stop there. It was a late Wednesday night (or rather a very early Thursday morning) and there weren't people walking around, yet she still wanted to be sure no one saw anything. Before she could even flinch to get out, Kylo turned towards her and looked at her intensely. He didn't look sleepy anymore. 

"Why do we always do this when we shouldn't?" he asked, checking her out lazily. 

Right. The first time, she was cheating on his friend. This time, she was sleeping with her professor. They really did have a bad record. 

"Maybe that's what makes it so fun." 

He smirked. "Yeah. Maybe." 

Then Rey looked down, avoiding that gaze that was somehow making her wet again. She knew he had his doubts about what they were doing, and she couldn't blame him. He was a lot older and sleeping with a student of his. From her point of you, it looked sexy. She didn't want to think what it looked like from his point of view. So she thought about giving him an out. In case all of this was just a lapse of judgment. 

"Would you prefer it if we stopped?" she almost whispered. 

Kylo frowned. "Hell no!" Then he unbuckled his seat belt and leaned closer. "I told you I'm going to get revenge. I was very gentle with you tonight." 

Heat rose to her cheeks and pooled in her stomach. "Oh?" 

His left hand dropped down and palmed her over her pants. She swallowed the urge to gasp. 

"I'm not nearly down with you yet," he whispered next to her ear and started rubbing her. 

Her eyes closed on their own, and then she kissed him blindly. She felt him unbutton her pants, and slip his hand under her clothes. 

"We shouldn't be doing this here," she said because they were in a parked car right outside of campus, but she didn't do anything to stop him. 

"Oh, no. We should." 

His finger entered her, and she gasped. His other hand covered her mouth, and his eyes stared at her with mischief. 

"You need to be quiet, sweetheart. Can you do that for me?" 

And as if he wanted her to refuse, he curled his finger inside her abruptly, and she whimpered. He replaced his hand on her mouth with his lips, and kissed her vigorously, picking up the speed at which he worked his digit inside her. She moaned his name, again, and again, until he put a second finger inside her, and she forgot how to form coherent words. 

"Shh…" he whispered in her neck, but was even more ruthless to her every time he begged her silent. 

One of her hands found his long hair, and grabbed it, whereas the other was holding on the door behind her for dear life. She really did try to be quiet, but it seemed impossible. Then Kylo repositioned himself so that his hand was straight against her cunt, and he could get deeper. She couldn't help it. She screamed. His other hand muffled some of the noise, but he didn't stop. His thumb was rubbing on her clit, while his other fingers inside her filled her the way his cock had, and it felt amazing. The feeling was amazing, the memory was amazing, _he_ was amazing. He started hitting that spot that made her cry, and she knew what was happening to her this time. She knew the feeling that was coming. 

"Yes, Kylo, yes!" 

She mouthed his name until she felt her orgasm crush upon her, leaving her shaking. He finally removed the hand from her mouth and kissed her gently. Then he took the other fingers from inside her, brought them to his mouth, and licked them clean. Rey was watching him in amazement. Until she looked outside, suddenly scared that someone was there and had witnessed the whole thing. What they were doing was dangerous, and she knew then that she _liked_ danger. 

"I'll see you again?" Kylo asked finally, his eyes silently pleading hers. She just nodded, because she had lost her voice. And then he leaned in and placed a kiss on her shoulder. It was sweet. So much sweeter than he had been all night. 

When Rey made it to her dorm room, Rose was sleeping. But she was so clumsy and loud, she woke her up. She jumped on top of her and started kissing her sleepy, hot cheeks in a state of euphoria. 

Rose growled and rubbed her eyes. "Get. Off me," she mumbled with difficulty. 

Rey chuckled, then got up and started undressing to sleep. Rose closed her eyes again, and it almost looked like she had already fallen back to sleep. 

"Where were you?" 

"I was… at Finn's," she said and got under her covers. 

"At one in the morning?" 

"I came on foot. Stopped to eat. It took me a while," she lied through her teeth. If Rose was completely awake, she would have seen right through it. But her sleepy mind focused on something else. 

"What did you eat?" she smiled. 

Rey grinned. "Hot chicken wings with chips," she said, blushing a bit. 

Even almost sleeping like that, Rose looked surprised. Rey hadn't eaten real food in months. 

"Were they good?" 

Rey definitely blushed, as she sunk deeper in her covers, thinking about her professor. "It was really good." 

Rose either didn't remember any of this the next day or just decided to refrain from talking about it. Rey went to her classes, the ones that weren't Civil and Environmental Engineering, and everything looked almost normal. Except for the fact that she kept looking around because she thought she saw ghosts of her professor. Or turned abruptly anytime anyone with a slightly deep voice spoke; in her ears, it sounded like him. And it was nerve-racking. 

For Kylo, though, it was even worse. He didn't have a class that day, thankfully, but he did have Hux and every other suspicious co-worker eyeing him. For he looked different that morning, perhaps even happy. Some of them in there had never seen him even smile before. So there were definitely a lot of surprised and confused looks. But Hux was the absolute worse. 

He narrowed his eyes at him the moment he had walked in the room as if he could smell Rey off of him. It made him feel a little guilty, just for a second. Guilty for going with his ex. But he immediately remembered how he hated Huχ, always had, but now one hundred times more, and gave him a satisfied grin. 

"What on Earth was so exciting on a Wednesday night, Ren? Please, do share," the redhead spoke after a while, not being able to simmer on his anger silently, apparently. 

Kylo spun on his chair and glared at him. But before he could threaten to break the rest of his face, Poe spoke. Freaking Poe. What was he even doing there? 

"Our man clearly got lucky, yesterday," he said and came over him, putting an arm on his shoulder and leaning on him. Kylo was sitting down, yet Poe's arm almost reached the height on his own shoulders like that. "Isn't it obvious? His beaming almost blinded me from the moment he walked in." 

Kylo gritted his teeth slightly. Because Rey's ex-boyfriend just got that much more suspicious of him. 

"Who was it, Ren?" 

Why was he calling him that all the time? It felt awkward to say someone's name so many times while talking to them. 

"I hope not any girl that could get you into trouble." 

"What kind of trouble?" oblivious Poe asked with a smile, not noticing the staring contest that was going on in front of him. 

But Kylo almost smiled. "How are you so sure it's a girl? Maybe I'm secretly gay, and just too scared to come out?" 

He saw Hux's eye twitch, and so he knew he had won that fight. Hux spun around and turned back to whatever he was doing. 

"That's… an odd thing to say," Poe mumbled at Kylo, as he finally left his shoulder and straightened up. But right after he made sure Hux was out of sight, he sunk back down and whisper-shouted at his ear. "That was so fucking good, dude! I totally thought his head was going to blow up!" 

Kylo huffed, which was perhaps the closest he could get at laughing around these people at the university. He knew Rey was close friends with him and his boyfriend, so it would make sense that she had told them about Hux. About what _he_ had told her. He wondered how she had come clean. How much did her friends actually know about them? And he hoped that it wasn't a lot. What was going on between them was… Well, he wasn't sure _what_ it was yet, but he knew it was definitely taboo. So he really wished she had kept quiet. He hadn't told her anything, because he had thought it obvious. Maybe it wasn't, though?

"Oh, and…" Poe dropped his voice lower and looked at him with a knowing look. "If you really are interested, I know someone-"

"I'm not really gay, Poe, thanks." 

The man smirked at him. "How do you know I was talking about a guy?" he mimicked his previous response, twisting it to his liking. And then he winked at him. 

He definitely knew about Rey and him. That comment was clear as a day. And it made him quite mad. It made him want to fight her again. Of course, it would; that was all they trained to do for the past several months. But as he remembered the previous night with her, his emotions slurred and twisted, and he still wanted to fight her, but while fucking her. He wanted to confront her, but while devouring her. He wanted to punish her, but in a way, it would give her pleasure. 

Blood rushed to his pants.

Oh, God. This thing between them hadn't even started yet, and it was already messing up with his head at work. 

Poe had walked away and out of the room, walking down the hallway. He didn't really know what had happened, as Kylo thought, but he did suspect. And it was weird; he hoped he was wrong, for Rey's sake, but also kind of dug it. He always thought the two of them would look cute together, even when they supposedly hated each other. Mostly, he could tell that Kylo didn't really dislike Rey. Never had. She did piss him off, but he always looked as if he got off of it. And, of course, Poe hated Hux way more than Kylo. So if it meant Rey breaking up with Hux, he was on board with it. 

But he never dared speak his mind, because his boyfriend was not that fond of the idea. Finn always seemed a little overprotective of Rey. He didn't want her with Hux, but he didn't want her with Kylo either. 

He decided to call her anyway. Just in case she was interested, she deserved to know that Kylo was seeing someone else. 

When Rey saw Poe calling her, she couldn't guess the reason. And when she heard him saying that he thinks Kylo was with someone the previous night, it almost made her laugh. 

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked, trying to sound casual. But all she could really think of was how obviously different Kylo must have looked like. It brought a smile to her lips. 

"I just thought maybe you knew what happened…" 

She could hear him lying. But she wasn't about to tell him that. 

"No, I really don't. I'll leave you now, I'm going to see your boo." 

"My boo!" Poe exclaimed, and she laughed. "Tell him hi for me." 

"Will do, captain!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos or a comment if you like this story <3 
> 
> Also, I am loving all the comments you've left me the past few chapters, thank you so much!!


	16. The Neikea are strong with this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys. They just can't stop arguing :|  
> Don't worry though, they is some smut in here too ;) Also, pretty long chapter.

Professor Ren didn't look at Rey at all during their Friday class. She waited, staring, even for a glance. But none came her way. He never allowed her to answer any of his questions or even ask her own. So– he was back to being an asshole, then. 

She couldn't understand it. He was the one who had insisted they saw each other again. Yet he had made no effort of contacting her whatsoever, and even now, he didn't even glance at her. Avoided her like she was the plague. She started gritting her teeth and coloring her notebook to get some of the energy out of her. What was his deal? 

Maybe all he ever wanted was to get her to bed and then dump her. But why tell her he "wasn't done with her" then? Was he just lying through his teeth? It made no sense, but then again, Kylo Ren never made sense. Had she been that bad that he just... changed his mind? She had wanted him and wasn't shy to show it. She was direct and open about it, finally embracing her urges and needs. And she thought he was mature enough to do the same. 

She gasped, loudly, and a couple of students turned around to look at her. But her professor didn't - of course. 

Maybe that was his plan all along. He had seen that she wanted him, and maybe _that_ was his revenge. Oh, he was evil. He was a heinous, despicable, stupid man. He hated her. Always had, and forever will. And he had seen her obvious attraction to him and decided to take advantage. To use her and then break her heart. 

He was a petty, _petty_ man. The lengths he had gone through just so he could hurt her like that! Oh! 

She was going to slap him. In front of the class. Or no. Perhaps she would wait. Slapping her professor would only get her in trouble. She would wait until every student was gone and go bawl at him. 

But when she did get close enough to speak to him, he looked up at her and spoke first. 

"Are you insane? Don't talk to me in here, someone might see us." 

He sounded mad. And his eyes were glittering with simmering anger. Oh, _he_ was angry?  He?

"Where else could I talk to you, since you have been avoiding me like that?" she snarled. 

Kylo shot her a glare, his eyes narrowed and his face serious. Then he turned back to packing his things up. He was almost done, moving so quickly. 

"If you have something to tell me-" that sounded suggestive, "-then come by my place later." 

Rey opened her mouth to protest, by Kylo grabbed his staff and started leaving. 

"Now stay here. I'm going out first." 

Was he seriously ordering her? She stomped her foot on the floor and groaned. The temptation of running to catch up with his pace and leave the class side by side with him was really strong. But she did as he said. 

She wouldn't go by his place. No way. Two could play this game. But then there was a knock on her dorm room door, and she literally jumped off her bed, her eyes widened. Had he seriously risked _everyone_ seeing him coming there? When he was her _professor?_

The door opened and- 

"Rose!" Rey sighed in relief and then eyed her roommate. "Why on Earth did you knock?" 

The girl shrugged. "In case you weren't alone…" 

Right. Because she could be with _him_. Or whoever she had been thinking about lately, because Rose could totally tell she had. She needed to end this. She needed to not be on edge, waiting for the moment this stupid man would do something stupid. 

"I'm gonna go over to Finn's for lunch." 

But of course, she didn't go to Finn's. She found herself right outside Kylo's door, pacing back and forth, trying to calm down and decided what she would tell him. She partly wanted to just jump on him and start kissing him. Seduce him. Maybe that way, even if he was intending to dump her, she could slow it down. Maybe he would change his mind. But a bigger part of her wanted to fight him, even if she knew all this could just be a misunderstanding. It didn't make sense, why this man just made her want to battle him at everything. 

The door swung opened with force, and Kylo appeared behind it with a scoff. She froze in place. 

"Will you _just_ come in? You've been out here for ten minutes."

Her throat tighten. He knew? 

Kylo looked around. "Plus, someone might see you." 

Rey groaned and stepped inside. "How many people from campus live around here, Kylo? Why are you so nervous someone might see us all the time?" 

He closed the door and turned around. He checked her up and down, not with a sexy look, nor a hungry one, but a predatory one. Then he looked back at her face and crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps because you've been telling people about us when you clearly shouldn't." 

Rey's mouth dropped. "What? Are you insane? Who- or better yet, why would I have told anyone about _us?_ There is no us, anyway." 

He raised an eyebrow. God, he looked so annoying like that. "Isn't there? Then what are you doing at my place?" 

Rey could see a vein pop up on his forehead, and for a moment she lost all her bravado. Her confidence. Maybe it wasn't very wise of her to piss him off like that. He had never truly hurt her, but that didn't mean he couldn't. 

"Because you told me to come! But clearly not because there's something going on between us, because you just wanted a one night stand and then never to talk to me again." 

He walked then, and stood right in front of her, glaring at her from above. His nose did a little twitch. 

"That didn't stop you from telling Poe, did it? Who else knows? Finn, I'd assume. Rose. Maybe even the janitor." 

Rey took a step back, but Kylo filled the gap immediately. 

"You're the worst, do you know that?" 

"Sure. But that doesn't answer my question." 

She tried to flee, but he stopped her, gaining in on her personal space and backing her slowly to the wall. 

"No one. I haven't told anyone, Ren. What, do you think sleeping with you is something to be proud of?" 

He growled, and she would have been certain it was from anger if he hadn't glanced at her lips at that moment. 

"You're lying. Poe knows, and he certainly didn't hear it from me." 

"Who cares, Kylo. Who the fuck cares? We're done, anyway. You don't have to worry about your job because no one will be able to prove anything." 

"Done?" He tilted his head slightly. "Is this how this goes, then? You screw up, and when I face you, you just walk out of this?" 

He was the one trying to avoid her, and now he was mad she said they were done first? That insufferable, intolerable man! 

She scoffed. "You were so focused on getting in my pants, I almost believed you were nice for once." 

"I haven't changed. You were just too horny to see it, desperate to feel me inside you again." 

That was it. Rey snapped, and with a growl, her fist flew up to hit him, just like she had done during their winter break. But this time he caught it mid-air. As if he was expecting it, counting on it. As if he wanted it. He grabbed her other hand, too, and dragged them over her head. She wrestled to get free. 

"Let me go!" 

A dangerous smirk was playing on his lips, as he flushed her on the wall. "You're not going anywhere, sweetheart." The pet name wasn't spoken in a loving way, but it still made her feel weird.

"Kylo, I'm serious. Don't do anything to me." 

With that, Kylo started tieing her hands together with… something that was hanging from the wall. Was this planned? She looked up, seeing a tie hanging from his lamp on the wall. This was definitely planned. She tried to get free, but they both knew she wasn't trying hard enough. They both knew it was all just an act, really. 

"Hush now. I know you want this more than I do." 

Her legs wrapped around him in an attempt to fight him off. To kick him. To send him away. All it really did though was make it easier for Kylo to grind against her. Let her feel his hardness right where it made her jump and shiver. She bit down a moan, but the effort was obvious in her eyes. She could come just with that.

That idiotic, abominable man! 

"You don't have my permission to do this to me, Kylo. I'm going to report you." 

The moment her words hit his ears, he peeled off of her, and she found her hips jerking forward, doing their best not to lose the contact. For a moment, she regretted saying that. It was too much. Too serious. And she thought she had crossed the line, and he would be rightfully… well, whatever he would be. Angry, scared, hurt. He would be right. But then he looked at her and his eyes were gleaming with mischief. 

"A professor harassing one of his students… what will the world think of me?" 

"Exactly what they should." 

He bit his lip, and then came back close to her. His head got buried in her neck, and when he started sucking her at the soft spot where it met her shoulder, her legs tightened around him. This time she couldn't help the choked up moan that escaped her lips, as they parted, and her head dropped back, hitting the wall. When he let go of her neck again, her mind cleared enough for her to go back to being angry and disagreeing. When she opened her mouth, her words were the only thing that bespoke of denial. Her body language, her hungry gaze, the tone that laced her voice; it all screamed otherwise.

"You're a monster," she muttered. 

"Yes, I am." 

Kylo stepped away from her personal space, only to grab her leggings and almost tear them off of her. It was a good thing she was wearing a button-down shirt because, with her hands tied up like that, he wouldn't have been able to take it off. He opened it hastily, and she could swear she heard it get a little ripped. Within the second it took him to get back and admire his work, Rey found her strength again. So when he moved closer again, she provided him with a stare she would never want to be at the receiving end of.

"I'll scream," she warned him.

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

His long fingers traveled over her sides, barely but definitely touching her, and it made her back arch in a funny way. They reached her panties, and his thumbs hooked beneath them. He stopped then to take a deep breath. Rey thought that perhaps he was waiting for her to argue. But she was pulsing and so ready to feel him against her again, the idea of objecting to this didn't even cross her mind. And then, with a cool breath of air, her panties hit the floor, right next to the rest of her clothing. The only thing on her now was her open shirt and her restrains mixed with her bra on her wrists.

Kylo smiled at the whole of her exposed like that. She must have been quite the sight, she thought. Tied up, flushed on the wall, cheeks burning and thighs basically dripping with her slickness. And she was almost ready to say something again, but then his eyes found hers, and he groaned. Yet still kept his distance. She couldn't understand how he hadn't attacked her already. His stare was all but giving her the impression he could wait. Pissed off slightly by how far away he was, she started pressing her thighs together to feel some friction, something. And then her words left her in a dizzy manner.

"Professor…" 

He finally closed in. Leaned over her face. His right hand cupped her cheek, then slid to the back of her head, clasping her hair. He half closed his eyes, and Rey felt compelled to do the same, as his lips were moving closer, and closer, over hers. She felt his breath on them. She smelt the coffee he had drunk earlier, she consumed his essence. Not being able to keep it together anymore, she pushed ahead. 

But the warmth of his mouth never came into contact with hers. She opened her eyes and saw him backing away again, looking at her hair, as he was letting in free from their buns. The way he was looking at her face while he tried to make her locks look pretty over her shoulders stole her from the feeling of anger that had started to form inside her. He was in awe. Still looked very, _very_ sly. A hum was vibrating in his throat, and she enjoyed the way it sounded like a cat purring. 

He took a step back. Then another. And another. He wasn't just trying to look at her, he was walking away! 

"Kylo?" she sounded almost panicked. "What are you doing?" 

"Nothing," he mumbled with a wicked smile, and sat down on the couch right across from her. "Weren't you just begging me to do just that?" His long arms draped over the cushions, and he could almost take up the whole couch on his own.

Rey felt her face start burning, but not in the aroused, shy way it did before. She took a couple of sharp breaths from her nose, trying not to lose her cool. 

"Fine," she spat. "Then untie me." 

A lone eyebrow arched its way up on Kylo's forehead, and and it made her feel small. 

"So that you can go and report me?" Then he chuckled. "I can't have you doing that, sweetheart." 

"Kylo!" It wasn't funny anymore. It really wasn't.

He just laughed at her, and she almost thought he would say again what he had been saying all this time; that he would get his revenge. But then his left hand dropped over his erection, and tucked slightly at it, trying to adjust it so that it wasn't hurting him against his jeans. And she remembered how hard he'd been when he was grinding on her. She didn't think she'd ever felt him that hard. He couldn't just stay there; he was aching for her, too. So even if he was planning on telling her about his revenge, the different look she gave him made him swallow it.

She beckoned at the bump in pants. "I can help you with that." 

Kylo smiled even brighter. It was unbelievable how freaking big his smile was. Without his eyes ever leaving hers, in fact only getting more vehement, he started unzipping his pants. 

"You're already helping," he purred. 

Of course she was. Completely naked apart from the open shirt -that, to be honest, was only intensifying his arousal-, tied up on the wall before him. Only for his eyes. Only for his pleasure. And the color that rose to her cheeks as shame, anger, horniness, disbelief and everything mixed inside her, was a true spectacle to behold. 

"Kylo!" Rey complained once more, as he freed his cock and started stroking himself. 

She willed herself to hate him at that moment, and forever since. But she just… couldn't look away. His half-closed eyes, his parted lips, the rapid rise and fall of his chest, the muscles of his arms that bobbed rhythmically, his leaking member. She licked her lips. It drew a growl from him, for he watched every reaction of hers very carefully as if she was the one masturbating. The sounds he made drove her crazy. She wanted to touch him. She needed to feel him. Or, at least, feel herself. She shut her eyes closed and roared as she tried to free her wrists. The only result was her mate picking up the pace. 

"Kylo! Please!" 

What was she begging for, exactly? For him to free her, to touch her, to stop? Just for him to end her torture, in any way possible? Kylo groaned, and she moaned back. He panted, and she started to do so, too. And when he shouted her name as he came, she almost screamed too. Almost climaxed, without even a fingertip on her. Just by watching and listening to him. 

She stared at his red, lust-stained face through foggy eyes in silence. Kylo stayed there, hand still clasped around the tip of his cock until his breathing went back to normal. And then he smiled at her. At how silent she was. How conforming.

"Good girl…" he mumbled, and it made her stomach stir, the air tangle in her lungs. It felt oddly satisfying to have gained his approval like that, and she hadn't even known she needed it. "Are you ready for me now?" 

All Rey could do was give a small, a tiny nod. The man stood up and walked right over to her. He looked at her naked body, and Rey tried to lean closer. Without a warning, without even glancing at her eyes, Kylo clapped the fist that held his seed on her belly. And then he smeared it all over her. 

She gasped. Maybe she should have complained, but instead, she just watched him, waiting for him to kiss her, to touch her even more. How had she become so dependent on him? So desperate for him, that she didn't care how it looked? 

His mouth clashed with hers, and her eyes rolled to the back of her skull at the feeling. It was cool, the way it feels after having chewed on a mint and drawn deep breaths. It was refreshing. Her tongue clicked against his, and she was thankful she couldn't speak, or she might have admitted to something neither of them was ready for. 

Kylo kneeled in front of her and pushed his face between her thighs. Licking her up and down, he made her come. It didn't take long, anyway. And then, without sparing her one second to pull herself together, he started fucking her with his fingers. Her legs couldn't support her anymore, and as if he could sense that, he put them over his shoulders, so that she was in the air, back against the wall, tied up wrists holding most of her weight off of him. His mouth returned to her, and she came for a second time. But it wasn't harsh, the way all the previous times were. It was… peaceful. 

After that, he supported her whole weight, not letting her feet touch the floor, as he stood up. He was quiet, looking at her with a small euphoric smile on his lips. He seemed satisfied. And very happy. The restrains on her wrists came off, and he pulled her into his arms and carried her to his bed.

Rey almost fell asleep the moment her head rested on his soft pillow. But she felt his form cling to her from behind before she got lost in her dreams. 

She woke up to the feeling of his lips gently kissing her wrists as if he was asking for forgiveness.


	17. Two can play this game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right... Rey's payback that you've all been waiting for is here.

There were muscles Rey didn't know she had that were sore Saturday morning. She groaned, rolled over her bed and looked at herself. She had bruises on her wrists. Although she couldn't lie to herself -she had enjoyed what Kylo did to her perhaps more than she should have- she was a little mad. They had barely started dating. No. They weren't even dating. What made him think he can treat her like that? What made him think he is the one in charge? Two can play this game...

Her phone was lighting up with a text message from "Starfighter". That was the nickname she had given Kylo after his aviator father had confided in her he used to call him like that when he was little. Because, neither putting him down as her professor nor as her ex's best friend was good enough. And same went for him. He put her down as "Kira", for some reason. 

**Starfighter:**

> Good morning. Are you okay?

Yeah... She didn't respond. Instead, she went to the library and started a paper, for _his_ class no less. By noon she got back to her dorm room and, since it was empty, stripped down to get into the shower. Well, to snap a couple of pictures and _then_ get into the shower.

It was a little awkward- she had never done this before. But what she had in mind made her smile mischievously and keep going. She snapped a picture of her upper half, then of her torso without her face showing, a couple more of her whole body while lying down... Which one was the best? She spent almost half an hour deciding, finally getting into the shower when she got scared that Rose might come back. She sent Kylo one where he could see her breast, her toned abs, and part of her pubic hair. It didn't take too long for her phone to buzz with a reply, but she just grinned under the water and ignored it.

She got out after what felt like a decade, and finally looked at her phoned. A laugh escaped her lips at "Starfighter's" texts.

**Starfighter:**

> Gosh Rey warn a man before you do something like that to him
> 
> You're absolutely beautiful
> 
> I was scared you were mad at me

It had been about ten minutes, so Kylo couldn't have been expecting _another_ picture of Rey's nude body. Her phone buzzed immediately.

**Starfighter:**

> Rey I'm at work and this is killing me

The girl bit her lip and chuckled. She could imagine him amongst his coworkers, with a very difficult to hide boner, aching and wishing release. She really must have been killing him. And that's why she replied:

**Kira:**

> I know

The next message took him a while to type. Rey had already gotten dressed and ready to leave.

**Starfighter:**

> Will you come over later?

She laughed thinking how desperate he sounded. But it wasn't enough. She called Finn to hang out and left her dorm room.

**Kira:**

> Sorry, I can't make it this weekend. I'll see you on Monday. 

She could practically hear her professor gasping in exasperation. Was she being too evil to him? Or to herself? She wanted to see him again, of course she did. But just like something twisted inside her had liked being bonded up a wall and used for this man's pleasure, that same part of herself liked torturing him the way she did. And so, before he had any time to respond, she added:

**Kira:**

> Also, you are not allowed to touch yourself unless you ask for my permission.

She was blushing. How could she be saying things like that? And to her 10-years-older-than-her professor? This wouldn't work. She would just make him mad. He had no reason to listen to her. Maybe he'd prefer to just dump her and get off by himself. It's not like she was anything special, anyway. Rey pulled out her phone again as she climbed the bus and stared at their conversation. No reply. She had made him hard, then told him she wasn't going to see him for two days, and then forbid him from jerking off-- of course there wouldn't be a reply! Oh no... what if he just showed up at her room again? Maybe she should spend the night at Poe and Finn's. It had been a while, anyway.

Before she could get _too_ paranoid, her phone buzzed, and she almost dropped it trying to see the message.

**Starfighter:**

> Why are you doing this to me?

Wait... no objection? Rey had to look twice. Well, he wasn't exactly agreeing, but he didn't tell her to go fuck herself and that he would do whatever he wanted either. So that's something. Did he, somehow, for some reason, against all odds... like it? She took the time to get off the bus and walk towards the place she was meeting Finn, thinking about what to tell Kylo.

**Kira:**

> You know exactly why, sweetheart. Have a nice evening ;)

The next time they talked was Sunday afternoon when Rey was for a run. Well, they didn't talk. Kylo decided to text her.

**Starfighter:**

> I have been looking at your photos...

**Kira:**

> Oh? 

**Starfighter:**

> Huston, we have a problem.

Rey let out a shaky laugh, pausing her run to catch her breath. But then she forgot how to breathe altogether. Because her stupid professor included a picture of his problem. As if she wouldn't understand. Should she be offended by this? She didn't ask for it. But then again, he didn't ask for nudes either.

Oh, she got it now. How he must have felt yesterday. Was he just trying to get her to allow him to touch himself, or was he trying to get back to her? She grabbed the hem of her shirt and moved it up and down, a sudden ball of heat covering the bottom of her stomach. Damn him! No, he wasn't allowed to do that to her. This was her moment, not his. 

**Kira:**

> Well, I was going to be kinder to you today, but just because you sent me this pic, you lost your right to even ask for permission now. 

**Starfighter:**

> What noo 

**Kira:**

> Oh yes professor. Now be a good boy and do as I tell you 

**Starfighter:**

> You'll regret this Rey

**Kira:**

> Worth it 

Maybe that should have been enough. Maybe Rey shouldn't have teased him even further during their Monday class. Yet she did. She got dressed in the sexiest clothes she owned, lace panties that she kept flashing under her skirt, and light make-up. She didn't know what she loved most; the way Kylo looked at her, or the way he looked at the other guys who dared to check her out.

Professor Solo's face was constantly a shade darker and he looked _pissed_. He kept biting his lips and running his hand through his hair with force. The clock on the wall held his attention more than his lecture or his students. That was except for a naughty one in the back who was doing everything in her power to make him even hornier. Well, he was hard enough. He doubted it could get worse. He thought about teasing her back, but something about her dominant behavior in the past couple of days told him not to. It was a little strange. He had just laughed it off at the beginning. But then her reaction yesterday, and just the way she existed today, made him honestly believe in her act. Made he liked it. No one had the guts to even try to order him around before. He was too tall and scary looking for that. Yet this small student could and did anything she wanted with him. He was willing to let her. 

But his hard and aching cock could also control him the way Rey did. And so after class, he didn't consider allowing her to make her own move. He followed her down a hallway, and the moment it was empty and it was just the two of them, he sprinted next to her and grabbed her by her arm. He pushed her against the wall, his brain screaming at him about how dangerous this was the whole time, and his other hand climb under her skirt and cupped her buttcheek. 

"You will either come by tonight, or I'll just have you right now, little one," he murmured next to her ear. 

She smelled so nice- it made his cock twitch in his pants. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, forgetting where he was and almost attacking her at that moment. But Rey put her little hands on his broad chest and pushed him away, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. Even though she was so much shorter than him, she somehow managed to look down at him.

"Keep this behavior up and you'll spend your evening alone again," she said, then looked around and started walking away from him. 

Kylo almost went along with her, but someone appeared at the end of the hallway, and so he decided to go the other way with his head down and his mind trying to make his dick behave with telepathy. He took out his phone and texted her.

**Starfighter:**

> I'll be home all day after 6 if you want to come 

Then he thought a bit before adding:

> Please 

Rey was very satisfied with that text. She was going to go anyway, though. She had decided that when she had also decided not to do this bit ever again. It was weirdly pleasing, but at what cost? Kylo wasn't the only one pained away from her. And his stupid picture from yesterday had not helped at all. Yet she managed to keep her dignity a little while longer, forcing him to lose his. Was is too wrong that she felt good about that?

She showed up at his place around eight without a warning. But Kylo didn't look annoyed at all. His hair was all messed up and with just a quick look you could clearly see his half-boner poking from his pajama pants. Rey smiled to herself. Kylo moved in for a hasty kiss, but was stopped.

"Ah ah ah," she mumbled, moving a finger in front of his face, and walked inside.

Kylo let out a breath and closed the door a little too hard. "Dammit Rey!"

He turned around, ready to complain some more, but then his eyes ran over her form and his face softened. His dick already started getting harder. He moved closer to her very slowly as if approaching a frightened animal, trying to get his hands on her hips. Rey maneuvered around his outstretched arms and walked to the couch, sitting down. She looked at him over her shoulder, his open mouth and his glistering eyes, and snorted.

"What?" she asked.

Her professor seemed to shake his body off a spell it had fallen under, and with a couple of long strides, he was standing right in front of her again.

"Rey..." he breathed, chewing on his lips and moving his jaw the way he always does. "Come on. I want you."

The little girl just raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down. Then she grimaced at their height difference. How could she appear in control if she was sitting down and he was standing tall like that? She got up, but it was still not enough. The side of her mouth twitched, and she spun around, pointing at the floor.

"Kneel," she ordered. 

She couldn't see his reaction, but she did hear a small snort. So she eyed him from over her shoulder- she needn't have to say more. Kylo wet his lips with his tongue and lowered his body until he was on his knees. It seemed as if they both gasped at the different sensation at the same time. 

"Better?" he asked, his voice suddenly very husky. 

Rey took a step closer, still not believing she could tower over this man. She ran her fingers through his hair, slightly pulling his head back. Oh, this was amazing. 

"Hmm..." she pretending to think about it. "Not yet." She released her grip and motioned with her head up and down. "Strip."

Kylo's eyebrows shot up. "Are you-"

"No. Just you."

He bit down a smile -he didn't want her to know he kind of enjoyed this- and got up. The shirt was dumped first, then his pants. He hesitated when it came to his boxers, but the lascivious look she gave him made him lose them as well. Just a second later Rey looked at the ground again, raising her eyebrows, and he got the hint; he kneeled back down. Perhaps he should have stopped her, put some boundaries. But he was so hard his mind was foggy, and honestly, if being on his knees, naked, was all it took for Rey to give in, he was more than willing to do it. He needed her so bad.

Rey started circling him, taking in his toned body, his large limbs, his long hair... 

"What exactly is it that you want, Kylo?"

The question took him by surprise. He turned his head to look at the woman who refused to make eye contact. To be fair, this might be one of the very few moments that Kylo's eyes are not the most interesting thing in the world. 

"Huh?"

Rey laid a finger on his shoulder, moving it towards his neck, and hooking it under his jaw. "You said you wanted me. What exactly do you want." Kylo could see a little pink color making its appearance on her cheeks, and he wondered if it was because of arousal or because she was a little embarrassed.

"You," he said. "All of you." Rey finally looked at his face. She didn't look satisfied. She wanted more details. "I want to fuck you," he said, reaching his hand and gently touching her calf as she stopped in front of him. "I want you to let me fuck you," he corrected himself. "Hard." Rey's breathing got uneven, but her facial expression didn't change- it still wasn't enough for her. Since she hadn't moved away from his touch, he got bolder, palming her leg. He bit his lip, part of him refusing to lose so much of his dignity and telling him to screw this and just take her before she had time to argue, and part of him wanting to be her loyal servant, wanting to please all of her requests. And the later part won out. "Please."

Finally, Rey gave him a small smile. "Alright," she said sitting down on the couch, their faces almost at the same level now. "This earned you the right to kiss me."

Not his ultimate goal, not what he actually expected, yet it felt like a huge achievement. If the butterflies in his stomach could talk, they would straight up scream at that moment. He rushed forward, ready to devour her lips whole. But she once again stopped him with a finger on his.

"Anywhere but my the lips," she said with an evil grin. 

For a moment, he thought this was bad. But it didn't last very long. Kylo dipped his head in the crook of her neck, sucking hard and also kissing gently. He later moved towards her breasts, kissing only the areas that were exposed over her shirt. By this time, Rey had probably forgotten to keep up the act, because she didn't stop him when he put his hands under her shirt. Nor when he pulled it off over her head. But then he went for a kiss, and she moved her head away, avoiding him effectively. Kylo groaned but immediately returned to kissing her breasts. He took the left one almost completely in his mouth while playing with the right one. 

Without any warning, Rey pushed him away again. He looked at her a little confused, his eyes staring at how she was biting her lower lip more than her glowing eyes. It appeared that was all a "please" could buy him. But he wouldn't stop. He moved lower, taking her legs in his hands and planting kisses from the bottom slowly towards the top. He eventually had his head buried under her skirt and was suckling at her inner thighs viciously, only going harder when he heard Rey whine. And then he brushed his nose against her lace panties. It got dumb with her arousal. He stopped there for a few seconds, breathing right over her sex and feeling her squirm under his strong grip on her thighs. 

He knew he wouldn't be allowed to touch her. He hadn't begged for it enough. At the thought, his cock twitched and ached, and he was reminded of his own needs. He ignored them completely. 

"Rey..." he said with a low voice, and he wasn't even sure she could hear him under her skirt. "Will you let me make you come with my mouth?" He could hear her breathe even harder, but she didn't respond right away. "May I kiss your beautiful cunt?" He felt lean fingers mix with his hair, and her legs closing slightly around his head. He brought his hand to her panties -resisting the urge to touch her- and carefully moved them to the side. Moving even closer, his nose once again made contact with her, very gently, very slightly, yet Rey gasped. "Please, Rey. Please, let me worship you."

Instead of responding, Rey moved his head until he was brushed on her so hard he probably couldn't even breathe. And Kylo didn't lose one more second. His tongue slipped inside her and she moaned loudly. And she forgot what she was supposed to be doing, how she was supposed to be acting. Should she be enjoying this so much?

Kylo started nibbling on her clit then, and bitting it, and sucking it. Rey had never been so loud. And maybe Kylo had never been so good. How could he be even better than he already was? Was it because she was in control? Or because they hadn't seen each other all weekend, even though they both wanted to so bad? Who, exactly, was trying to prove a point right now, and what point even was this?

Her thoughts blended together, her mind roared and all she could sense was Kylo. She started climbing high on the feeling that would leave her panting and drought from energy. That feeling that would be her whole world for a little while, and then wrap her in a warm embrace.

And Kylo provided her with everything she needed. He met all of her expectations and gave even more.

She didn't realize when he came over her head and started kissing her. Was she supposed to refuse to let him? She barely understood when he left to get a condom and came back. He didn't bother to ask for permission to lift her skirt up and dip his cock inside her. Kylo moved them both so that they were lying on the couch and he started thrusting with a vigor that would have someone think it hurt him. He groaned, then buried his face against her neck and started mumbling. Rey couldn't tell what he was saying, but she could feel how much he meant it. 

He cried out as he came. Then stole one more kiss. He got up and took the condom off.

"That was ridiculously fast," he noted. "I'm sorry."

His chest was heaving and his face was lit. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. 

"Don't apologize. It was perfect."

Her professor smiled, immediately adopting his smug look. "Oh? So we're back now?" Surely, such a dominant person as Rey had painted herself to be this past couple of days wouldn't be so understanding. 

Rey narrowed her eyes. "Keep this up and you will be begging for forgiveness, actually."

Kylo chuckled and engaged their lips in a passionate kiss. Then he pulled back and looked into her eyes with adoration. Rey expected him to talk, but she wasn't sure what she expected -or wanted- him to say. But it sure wasn't what he decided was best for the moment.

"So are we even now?"

She shook her head and sat up a bit. "Only if you didn't like this..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What did you guys think of dominant Rey? Please let me know <3


	18. Living the double life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just decided to name Rey "Johnson" as a tribute to our amazing Rian Reylo Johnson <3

At some point, Rey had to tell her friends about Kylo. Or at least, that she was seeing someone. Well, not _seeing._ Fucking. They were just fucking, that's what this was. There weren't any feelings involved, they didn't care; they just used each other. Because it was  so. Good. She had thought that fighting was the only thing they could do right. But she had never been more wrong in her life. It was addictive. There wasn't a moment where she could think about him and not start aching for his touch. Maybe he was bad at everything else, but she couldn't lie about the way he made her feel. And she knew she could make him feel good, too. She could see it in his eyes when they locked with hers during sex. She could hear it in his voice when he moaned her name as he came. She knew it from the way he looked at her during class or the way he held her close to his chest after their lovemaking. 

She wanted more. She wanted to be with him all the time. Wanted to take him everywhere; on his desk, in the library, in her dorm room, in the classroom, in the bathroom. Just anywhere they could find some privacy. But she could only lie about hanging out with her best friend so much. She had been extremely lucky that Rose hadn't thought about talking to Finn while she was gone. But it wasn't enough. That lie only gained her a couple of hours. She wanted to sleep with Kylo in her arms. She wanted to eat dinner with him if it meant he would cook for her again. She wanted to just spend a whole weekend at his place without leaving for a second. 

But she couldn't do that unless her friends knew she was seeing someone. Or at least Rose. 

So as she was preparing to go to the class she had before Civil and Environmental Engineering, she decided to speak to her. 

"Um… " How do you say such a thing? Her roommate looked at her, waiting to hear what she had to say. "Don't wait for me after class." 

"Oh. Will you go at Finn's again?" 

Rey started playing with her messenger bag. "Well… no. Not really." She was staring at the floor, but when Rose didn't speak for a while, she looked up. Her eyebrows were raised and she had a smirk on her lips.

"Oh, I see. And… how long has Finn not really been Finn?" 

Rey grimaced. "Not too long. Just over a week." 

Her roommate gasped. "And you haven't told me anything? Ts-ts-ts. Fine, but the only way I can forgive you for this is if you give me all the details afterward." 

Rey was surprised to hear that. Wasn't she even going to ask who it was? Maybe she had seen the color of her cheeks and didn't want to put her in an even more difficult situation. Or maybe she already knew. 

"O-kay…?" she mumbled, and they walked towards their classes together. That went well. But then again, Rose was never the problem. She should really see how she would tell Finn now. 

***

Both Rey's and Kylo's last class for the day was Civil and Environmental Engineering. And there was no other class after that in the auditorium. That meant they had a bit of time, and they usually used this day if they wanted to talk. Waited for the rest of the students to vanish, and then carefully left the classroom separately. But they never did anything inappropriate. It was too risky. Although to say that neither of them had thought about it, or better yet, kept thinking about it all during the lecture, would be a terrible lie. That day was no different.

Kylo noticed Rey checking him out absentmindedly, chewing at the end of her pen. She looked really, really hot like that. And an idea came to his mind. He asked her a question. It was a difficult one, and especially since she wasn't paying attention, he knew she wouldn't get it right. Rey sat up straight, and even from far away, he could see her start blushing. He snorted, made a snarky comment about her not knowing the answer, and then asked her another question. That one was actually from the next lecture. She definitely didn't know that one. She blushed even more, as some students turned their backs to look at her. 

"Stay after class for a minute, Miss Johnson," he said finally, making it sound like he was going to scold at her. And then returned to the lecture. 

Rey gained a smile on her face at that, and her staring got even hungrier. After that, he stopped looking at her though because it would only result in him getting a boner.

Before everyone left, she walked down and came next to his desk, leaning a bit on it, with a mischievous smile on her face. They waited for the classroom to clear, and then he turned all his attention to her. His eyes took in the sight of her, as she was leaning like that, her long legs crossed and her elbows spread on his desk. It looked youthful, he thought. He couldn't imagine anyone at his age standing like that. Yet it was really sexy. He hadn't decided what he was going to do to her yet, but he definitely wanted to do something. 

"Where was your mind, miss Johnson?" He knew it was on him, he knew it by the way she was looking at him as if she wanted to devour him whole. But he wanted to hear her say it. "What were you thinking about?" 

Rey left the support of the desk and moved closer to him. "Maybe it would be better if I showed you." 

His breath got caught in his throat.

She pushed the chair he was sitting on slightly back. Her hands held his knees to both support her and to open them up, as she fell on hers right in front of him. Just watching her down like that made him hard and aching. But then she licked her lips, and he could swear the room started getting smaller. She unzipped his pants excruciatingly slowly while staring at his eyes -oh, he liked it so much when she was looking at him like that- and then grabbed his cock with gentleness. She licked the tip and it made his head spin. Then she gave it a small kiss, and licked a line from the bottom to the top, right over his vein, and the grip on his chair got tighter. He shut his eyes firmly closed as she took him in her mouth. It was warm and wet, and tight, and oh, just so _good._ Her hand stoke where her mouth couldn't reach. He was deep inside her, he could feel the back of her throat, and yet she still couldn't get him whole. Her tongue didn't rest, and every time it flicked over the head, he had to really try not to moan and be heard. And the idea of what she was doing to him, where she was doing it, how dangerous and wrong it really was, almost made him come right away. 

The door opened suddenly. He jerked, and Rey froze in place but didn't take her mouth off of him. It was a student that was in his class just beforehand. She looked at him but didn't seem to understand what was going on. After all, from her point of view, it was just her professor sitting on his desk. He had never been so happy that the desk was tall and big and solid. She couldn't see Rey cramped behind it. She walked to a seat, took a stray jacket that was laying there, and left, closing the door behind her. 

Kylo sighed in relief. His heart was pounding and sweat had started to appear at the sides of his forehead. This was _too_ dangerous. He looked down to tell Rey she should go, but she was looking up at him, her mouth still full of him, and he felt suddenly so close to climaxing. He dipped his fingers in her hair and pushed her deep on him again, groaning in the process. Just seconds later he came in her mouth. 

She licked him clean, and then rose up, walking slightly away in case anyone showed up again. 

"So… I told Rose not to wait for me. Do you want to go back to your place?" 

She wasn't looking at him. Maybe if she were, he would have understood what she meant right away. Instead, he just froze a bit while zipping up his pants, and glanced at her, frowning. He felt ashamed for what he was about to tell her. Because maybe if he wasn't so much older than her he wouldn't have problems like that. He wanted her all the time. If she could make it, he never wants to say no to her. But…

"I-I just came. I don't think I'll be able to-" 

"Oh, no, I know," Rey spoke quickly and finally looked at him. And then she bit her lip. "I was just thinking maybe we could get something to eat, or whatever." 

Kylo felt his chest fill with as much air as possible, holding it there, and making his whole body flutter. He had wanted to spend time with her for a very long time. Didn't like that every time they saw each other, all they did was have sex. But then again, they didn't have enough time to see each other in the first place. And this wasn't a relationship. It hadn't started like one, and he was scared to ask her to do anything couples usually do. He wanted to take her on an actual date, to spend the night with her, to wake up with her by his side… But he didn't have the guts to say anything. And now she had just said *that* and he swore his rapid heartbeat wasn't due to his orgasm anymore. 

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to order something? Or-"

"No, that sounds good." She flashed him a smile and turned around to leave. 

***

When he got home, just a second later, he heard a knock on his door, and there she was. 

"Were you already here? I didn't see you." 

"Yeah, I was hiding in the bushes because you are weird about anyone seeing me," she laughed, and he honestly couldn't tell if she was joking or not. 

He took her jacket and her bag. "What do you want to get?" 

Rey kicked her shoes off, walked over to his couch and lied down. She was starting to get really comfortable around him and it only made his stomach fill with butterflies. 

"Not anything too fancy, I don't have a lot of money on me," she called before him, as he momentarily disappeared in his room. The truth was that she generally didn't have a lot of extra money to spend on food, but she wasn't just going to outright tell Kylo about that. 

She heard his voice from inside. "Don't worry, it's my treat." 

When she looked up he was there with his phone in his hand and a couple of flyers in the other. "No, Kylo. This was my idea." 

He finally looked at her with an intense look. "I said it's my treat." She knew better than to fight him any longer. It would be in vain. 

But at least she tried. So that he wouldn't think she just assumed he would pay for her food. They weren't even dating, after all. He was actually her professor. 

"So. Pizza?" 

"Pizza!" 

It took a while before the delivery guy was there, and Kylo had started stroking her thighs, kissing her a little deeper, and placing a hand over her pants. She almost cursed when she heard the doorbell. But the food was so good it immediately made up for it. And a lot. She had a whole pizza to herself, and it was beyond what she could ever wish for. Kylo finished first, disappeared in the bathroom to clean up, and when he got back, without even a warning, he starting unbuttoning her pants. 

"Kylo," she mumbled with a mouthful of pizza. "I'm still eating." But she was still wet from before and it was so easy for his finger to slide inside her. 

"I know," he whispered, as he started working her the way he knew made her come. 

It was difficult to even swallow the bite she already had in her mouth. But then she took another one. It felt weird to be eating when Kylo was fucking her with his fingers, but at the same time, it felt good. After she came Kylo moved and took a bite from the slice she was still holding, and then kissed her, both of their lips dirty with grease. They were so weird. How did they even not gross each other out, she didn't know. 

***

Later, she met Finn at Maz's coffee shop, where they always hung out. He kept surprisingly quiet for the most part, and Rey couldn't help but feel like he was mad about something. 

"Is everything okay with Poe?" she asked. 

"Oh, yeah. He's actually coming here right now." 

"Oh, good. I haven't seen him in a while." 

"Well, I know you haven't," Finn said while crossing his arms over his chest. "Because I know you haven't been coming at our place as often as you say you are." 

Rey froze her cup in mid-air, and then looked at him with wide eyes. Dammit, she thought she had gotten away. 

"So… Rose?" she asked and saw her friend scoff. But she knew he wasn't _really_ mad. He just liked acting like it. 

"Well, yeah. And by the way, I still can't believe you told her about the mystery guy you're dating before me!" 

"What mystery guy?" She did her best not to smile at that. She really shouldn't smile. Why was that even happening to her mouth?

"Hey guys," Poe appeared then, and sat right next to Finn. They shared a kiss, and she saw him smiling and for a moment forgetting to play mad at her. But then he turned his attention back towards her.

"So, who is this guy?" 

Poe signaled to Maz to bring him his usual and then turned to Rey with an amused look. "Oh, so is the cat out of the bag, then?" 

"She told Rose!" Finned looked at him. 

"I just…" Rey tried to explain. "I didn't want her to wait for me, that's all. I was going to tell you guys. I didn't because… well… We're not really dating." 

The two men raised an eyebrow at the same time, and it was almost comical. 

"Then what are you doing?" Finn asked. 

"Do we know him?" 

"Well, of course we do," Finn answered his boyfriend. "Why else would she have kept it from us?"

"Oh… so is it someone we know and don't approve of?" 

Finn's eyes flashed wide open, and he looked back at Rey. "Is it the guy from the concert?" he whispered as if he didn't want Poe to hear. But he clearly did, and didn't look surprised. 

Her cheeks started burning and her palms were itching. "No," she blurted out. "I mean yes. No, not really. Look, guys, when I myself realize what exactly is going on with this guy, I'll tell you who it is. Deal?" 

They looked at each other, making tiny movements with their heads, and Rey could tell they could communicate just by that. It was rather impressive, and she wondered whether all couples had that ability. Whether she would have it with Kylo, too. 

Then she mentally scolded herself. She shouldn't get her hopes up for anything. 

"Fine, peanut. I just hope you know what you're doing." 

By that comment Rey knew they not only suspected her professor, but were almost certain about it. But she wasn't ready to confirm it just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, please go check [this nswf drawing](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/175347466949/where-was-your-mind-miss-johnson-he-knew-it)  
> for this chapter out... I really need to know I'm not the only one staring at Kylo's face for hours lol  
> 


	19. You've upset me, your Highness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Professor Solo vibes, some more smut... And some more angst. I'm sorry in advance.

The day's class on Civil and Environmental Engineering was over, and Kylo took out his phone before he did anything else. He texted Rey before she was even outside the auditorium, and he saw her digging for her phone in her pocket and unlocking it. 

**Starfighter:**

> Will you come over tonight?

She smiled at the screen and then shot him a quick glanced. She walked out of the room, and a couple of seconds later came her reply.

**Kira:**

> Okay, professor ;) but I'm going to be late because I have to study

That worked fine with him. He needed to study too. It was kind of funny. Maybe the reason he wasn't so grossed out with dating a student was that he still felt like one, too.

And so he got home, graded some papers, and then began reading some academic studies for his research. Usually, he could never spend a lot of hours so focused. His mind would always wander, he would get tired, he would feel like a prisoner. Lately, though, he found himself very productive. Especially when he knew he would see Rey afterward. He could just relax and yield to his work. He was calm. He was at peace. 

And he thought he wouldn't mind feeling so complete for the rest of his life. 

The tiniest of knocks was heard on his door, and when he looked up, he realized it was past ten o'clock. He walked over and opened it, and she was there, and a feeling overwhelmed him, seeing her outside his door, coming home after a long day of work to see him. He moved forward and captured her lips with his. Usually, he got paranoid just at the sight of her there. Now he just wanted to kiss her, and he couldn't care less about the neighborhood. 

"Hey… sorry it took me so long," she whispered as she moved in and removed her jacket. 

"Oh, no, it's fine. I had stuff to do anyway." 

She turned around and looked at his desk where a lamp was still lit, his laptop buzzed alive and books were scattered all over. And she smiled. He couldn't tell if it was a sweet or a sly smile. Maybe it was both. 

"You were studying, professor? Were you grading papers?" she asked with a tone in her voice he didn't understand immediately. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, as he said, in the abstract, "I was actually just studying, I graded beforehand." 

But then Rey turned to look at him again, and there was a spark in her eyes. Yep, her smile was definitely sly. Maybe he should have just agreed to her guess. 

"Can I see you sitting at your desk, Doctor Solo?" 

Huh, doctor. He had barely started calling himself that. His long legs carried him at the other end of the room, and he complied and sat down on his chair. Rey was still standing far away, admiring him, and for some reason, he felt a bit nervous. He rubbed his palms over his thighs. 

"You wear glasses, too?" Rey asked, the surprise obvious in her voice, as she moved closer and her eyes fell on his glasses on his desk. 

"Um… yeah. I usually use contacts, but they can get pretty tingly after a long day." Rey's smile wavered, and he suddenly thought about how him wearing glasses must look. His face became paler. "I'm a little nearsighted," he explained quickly. "I swear it's nothing to do with my age." 

Rey laughed. Loudly. And it was relieving, to say the least. 

"Put them on," she instructed, and he couldn't disobey if he wanted to. "Hmm…" she purred as she watched him, getting closer, and closer, until she was almost on him. "They look good on you. Maybe you should wear them more often." 

Kylo nodded. His voice had left him, but his mind hadn't yet. He moved his hands slowly -it felt weird to initiate anything right now- and grabbed the side of her things. Then he helped her climb on top of him, her arms wrapped around his neck, and they started kissing. 

He was painfully aware that he was already hard and leaking. Rey started grinding on his erection and making soft noises of pleasure. His glasses got foggy, and when she realized, she took them off for him. It allowed both of them to move more freely, to kiss more passionately. 

He dipped his head at her neck and started sucking softly. Rey let her head fall back, and she arched toward his touch, while a moaned escaped her that rattled his bones. Gosh, he needed her right now. Couldn't wait any longer, and he was immensely thankful that he had a pack of condoms at the drawer of his desk right next to them. Maybe they could just fuck now, and do the foreplay later. 

Kylo broke off the kiss, and she almost whined. But then he pushed her slightly off of him and started fumbling with his belt. There was an urgency to his movements they hadn't felt since forever. It only made Rey even wetter. Why wouldn't it? Seeing him wanting her so _bad._ He finally freed himself, opened a drawer to his desk and took out a condom. He put it on and started kissing her again. She felt his finger working their way to her pants, too, and she stopped. She pulled back and looked at him. 

"Wait..." She sounded out of breath. "Are we going to do it _here?"_

Kylo froze, and he was once again a bit scared. It dawned on him that Rey had never been on top before. Or at least, not since they could remember. 

"I mean… not if you don't want to," he mumbled, but he didn't move. Secretly wishing they would just continue like that. 

"No, okay… let's try it." She didn't sound very certain, but she nodded about a thousand times, and he decided to listen to her. 

"It will work better if you lose the pants," he gestured. 

Rey got to her feet and pushed them down. He hadn't said anything about her underwear, but she just took those off too. It was always a win seeing Kylo look at her cunt the way he did. And then she climbed on top of him again. His hand moved to her folds, stroking them slightly, but not entering her. And then he guided her over his cock, and she felt the head of him touching her. Kylo let her free then, clearly allowing her to move at her pleasure. 

She pushed slowly down. And she gasped. Gosh, he was huge! Why did it feel like this was their first time all over again? Kylo moaned and closed his eyes tight. She could tell he was barely containing himself so as not to start pounding. She moved even further, but then she had to stop. It felt so much different. He felt so much bigger. He was touching her everywhere, there wasn't an inch inside her that was left unsatisfied. 

"Oh my God Kylo, you're huge," she breathed. "When will I get used to this?" 

She saw him smiling, but he didn't reply. He just put his hand on her hips and got ready to make her move, but she stopped him.

"Wait. Just-- just give me a second." 

His eyes widened a bit. "Does this hurt?" He sounded worried. 

"No, not exactly. Well, it's very different. And perhaps just a little bit more painful than usual." 

His fingers dipped into her flesh. "Do you want to switch?" 

"No, no. I got this." 

And she really did. She slowly moved up, and then fell back down with her whole body shivering and her voice shaky. It immediately felt good. It felt better. Kylo's hands helped her move up and down, and sometimes she got complete control, just grinding on him while still having every inch of his cock inside her. That felt really good. It made her whimper and her limbs weak, even before having climaxed. 

"Ah, yes. Rey!" Kylo moaned next to her ear and then started kissing the side of her neck. "Gosh, you're so perfect like this." He almost said something else.

She started screaming- she couldn't keep quiet at all, and it was almost as if she had never been so loud before. Kylo was jerking his hips upward now, too, meeting her with every thrust, and he was getting rougher, quicker, she almost couldn't keep up, she was dying she was-

He felt her pussy clench around his cock at the same time as Rey screamed his name and pulled at his hair. And it drove him crazy. He stood up, lifting her and placing her on his desk right next to them. Without being very careful, he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to an angle he could thrust inside her ruthlessly. And he fucked her like that until he came. 

He let his head fall over her stomach as he tried to get his breathing back to normal pacing. Rey hugged him like that and he was so enamored with the moment. Listening to both of their pantings after having sex was his favorite thing. He thought about how late it was, and that perhaps Rey would stay the night, and it gave his stomach a tingly feeling. It wasn't the feeling of an arousal. It was something else. 

"You okay?" he asked her. 

Rey nodded. "Yes," she breathed out, the response barely understandable. "That was amazing." 

Kylo pulled out of her after a while, placed a small kiss on one of her legs, and moved towards the bathroom. She felt her stomach growling, so she got off the desk and put her clothes on. Kylo immerged in the room again, and the two of them sat down on the couch. He put on some Netflix, and she nuzzled closer, dropping her head on his chest. If they didn't speak for a while, she could just fall asleep like that. And then she would have an excuse to stay the night, which she wanted so much. 

But her stomach growled again, and it broke the peaceful silence. 

Kylo planted a soft kiss at her temple. "Do you wanna get something to eat? I'm actually starving…" 

Yeah, she was too. She couldn't lie. Usually, if she got hungry this late, she would just endure it until she went to bed. But apparently having sex could make you even hungrier. Or at least it made Rey. Constantly. 

"I'm good…" she whispered. 

Well, she had already eaten her budget money for the day. Another meal for her wasn't on the menu. 

Kylo shifted slightly. "What are you talking about? Your stomach is having a protest as we speak," he chuckled. 

"Kylo, I said I'm fine. I don't need food, I'll just sleep in a while anyway." 

She turned back to looking at the TV, but she was acutely aware of his eyes still at the side of her head. 

"I'll pay…" he whispered finally. 

Rey snorted and moved to try and get free of his arms around her. But he was like a prison cell. "No, Kylo. No. I don't want you to pay for everything for me. I'm not that hungry anyway." 

He pressed his lips together but didn't speak right away. Then her fucking stomach growled again. Dammit, was her own body trying to sabotage her? 

He couldn't have it any longer. No matter how much he enjoyed paying for her and caring for her, he knew she would never let him. She just liked feeling independent, and he liked that about her, too. But he just couldn't sit there while she was starving and couldn't even buy a meal for herself. It hurt him. It created a heavy fog in his chest just by thinking about it. 

"Rey," he whispered and shifted slightly to face her, always keeping his eyes low. "Look, I'm very sorry for asking this, and if you don't want to go there, that's fine by me… but if you're tight in your income, why don't you get a job? It doesn't even have to be a full-time one." Rey finally looked at him. She didn't look very pleased with the direction of the conversation. 

She huffed. "You think that's easy? Nowadays it seems you have to have two majors just to be a barista." She paused, fidgeting as if she was trying to calm herself down, even though she didn't sound upset. "Anyways, I have two summer jobs; receptionist by day and DJ by night. So basically I work my ass off for like, four months, and it gets me through the year." 

"Oh. Where do you work?" He smiled.

"In a small, touristic town by the ocean-Niima Outpost. It's all sunshine and beaches, and thus only the summer tourism. But it's managing well with the economy, and so the jobs there aren't necessarily minimum wage." 

Kylo laughed and closed his arms around her more tightly. "That doesn't sound so bad. Do you get to swim and sunbathe, too? You look pretty tan, to be honest." 

"Not really. Didn't you listen to me? There are 24 hours in a day, and I work the 16, sometimes more, so I gotta sleep the rest." 

He winced. "Ouch. You sure you don't wanna get a job here? Maybe it won't pay as much, but it'll be all year round." 

Rey pressed her lips together and shook her head. "No, you see, the only reason I got these jobs in the first place is that I know the owner of the hotel and the bar I work at. Unkar Plutt. He used to be a foster parent of mine, let me help around the business since I was little. So, you know, I'm still helping… because I kinda owe it to him." 

Kylo frowned and then jumped up. "What?" he hissed. Rey didn't understand why he was reacting the way he was. He started pacing around the room. "So let me get this straight. This guy was your foster parent, was supposed to take care of you, and instead, he made you work? As a kid?" He was yelling. He was spiraling. 

"No, Kylo. It's not like that. I needed the money," Rey tried to excuse Plutt. 

"No, you shouldn't have! You were a kid. And what- what does _owe him_ mean? You don't owe him, anything, Rey." 

The girl was staring at her hands on her lap, avoiding his gaze with all her might. 

"Is he forcing you to work for him, or something? Is that why you won't leave? Rey- you don't have to- we can find something for you here. I can help you out, I'm more than willing to! I make enough money for both of us." 

Finally, she looked up, and he noticed her eyes shining a little bit more than normal. 

"I don't need your charity, Kylo! I've done well for myself, by myself, up to this point. Plutt didn't help me, no one helped me. But I still managed to get a scholarship and into college and work and pay for my needs all by myself." She got up and started getting her staff. Kylo moved behind her, trying to stop her, but not really. He didn't want to invade even more. "You came from a rich family and got into college right after you graduated and you didn't have to work at all. You probably never needed to even lift a finger, everything was ready for you. So what- you heard someone has to work double shifts to make just a fraction of what you have, and your heart ached? Oh, boo-hoo!"

"Rey, no-"

"I'm pretty good, you know. Other people have to work that hard all year around. And I like my jobs. Because I get to be in a beautiful town all summer, even if I don't have enough time to enjoy it, it's still more than I could ever get. I like spending my time playing music for people, even if it means sometimes they're super drunk and treat me like shit. I like sitting on a desk and watching other people have a vacation, relax, do nothing, even if it means I have to look at a terrible man's face such as Plutt's. I like it, ok?" 

And then she stormed out of the house. Kylo was still with his mouth open, registering what had happened, trying to understand what he did wrong. He ran outside. 

"Rey, where are you going?" But he knew where she was going. And he wasn't going to stop her if that's what she wanted. "How are you going to get back?" 

Rey turned around and looked at him. She raised a finger towards him and basically spat out the words. "Don't you *dare* offer me money for a ride, Ren!" 

He gulped. "Can I offer you a ride?" 

But she turned on her heels and threw her arm in the air. "Fuck off!" 

"Sounds about right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is some more [nswf art](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/175540868844/pothos-and-the-neikea-chapter-19)  
> and honestly, I didn't know it was possible, but I like it even more than the previous one.


	20. Your eyes can deceive you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the opposite of the previous one; we go from angst to dirty smut (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Also... Possessive Rey and Kylo anyone?
> 
> PS: Alright, a **warning** is in order. There is a moment in this fic where Kylo goes a little out of his way to be gross. During sex. It's strong and kinky and might make you feel uncomfortable.

Perhaps Rey had overreacted _juuust_ a little bit. And, of course, she was never planning on staying mad at Kylo forever; even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to resist those plump lips. It wasn't a self-control kind of thing. It was logic. She had gone for too long without him, and she wasn't about to miss him just because of a fight. They had been through many of those, she knew how to deal with them. She wasn't going to let it get too serious. But it wasn't her fault that Kylo was very, _very_ bad at apologizing. Just.  The worst!

Who -the _fuck_ \- calls their girlfriend _nothing?_

He had stupidly tried to fix it immediately, saying that wasn't the case to him, and that it wasn't the way he meant it. But of course–with his politician mother and aviator father he was _something._ He had heritage, whereas her parents had abandoned her after some vacation on Niima Outpost, never to return. She didn't even know her real last name. And that meant she was nothing. 

So the second time he tried to apologize, she shut him out. The fifth time he tried talking to her, she didn't listen. He was begging, he sounded desperate. But apparently, there is a limited amount of times Kylo Ren can lose his dignity. One day he just decided that _he_ would be mad at _her._

Whether he had actually thought himself deserving of being angry, or just wanted to play her, she didn't know. But the silence was keenly noted. Even during his lecture that one time, he constantly scoffed and absolutely didn't look her way. If his plan was to manipulate her into yielding and making up with him, she honestly hated herself, but it was working. And the next day after lunch she found herself wandering towards where he worked his office hours. 

But -you guessed it- she never reached him. Because she saw him in the hallway, talking to a girl. She was younger than him, yet older than Rey. As well as taller, leaner and more beautiful. Or at least that's what her eyes told her. She was looking at Kylo in the evil kind of stare that he gets sometimes, and Rey's throat itched at the thought that perhaps the two of them had more similarities than she did with him. Then she was laughing, touching his bicep the way that come on, everyone knows is flirting! Kylo leaned slightly to whisper something in her ear. For fuck's sake, Rey wanted to plug her eyes out! And as if all of that wasn't enough, as they walked the other way, the bastard had the audacity to even place his hand over her back.

Rey did her research; the girl was called Bazine Netal, and she was doing her master's in molecular biology. So she had no reason to be talking to an Engineering professor. 

She forced her brain to think this through. She and Kylo had never been exclusive. And suddenly she felt so stupid for having called herself a girlfriend of his. Maybe people don't tell their girlfriends they're nothing, but what about their fuck-buddies? 

She almost felt sad. She almost cried. But then fury overcame her. Oh, she wasn't enough for Kylo? He had gone a few days without fucking her, and he couldn't even keep it in his pants? 

She walked into Civil and Environmental Engineering with her battle face on. What was this? The third or the fourth class since they fought? It felt like years had passed. Kylo was already in the auditorium, setting up the projector for his lecture. 

Don't get Rey wrong; ever since this course started she only had eyes for her professor. But it's not like they weren't attached to her brain. She had seen that cute junior that was usually sitting alone a couple of rows ahead of her. But he wouldn't be sitting alone today.

And so, it was impossible for Kylo not to look at Rey this time. When he had glanced at her usual spot and not seen her, he had felt a weird kind of sadness pull the tips of his lips down into a frown. He could act mad all he wanted; he couldn't not see her even those three times a week though. He soon found himself _wishing_ she wasn't actually there. Wishing she was anywhere by next to that boy. 

Fifteen minutes into the lecture, and Rey was silently chatting with her classmate. Maybe, since he was their professor, he could make them cut it off. But he didn't want to give more reasons to his students to think that there was something going on with him and Rey. 

Twenty minutes in, and Rey was touching the boy's bicep the way he knew meant flirting (she was the one who had taught him that!). And Kylo was getting hot. 

Half an hour, and Rey was scooching next to him. And Kylo's neck was dripping sweat. 

Thirty-eight minutes and the boy had abandoned paying attention to his professor altogether, and was flirting with Rey; biting his lips and stroking her knee. Kylo was speaking louder than he meant, breathing harshly and often losing his train of thought. 

The next time he dared to glance at the pair, Rey was nowhere to be found. He grabbed the chair in front of him in the second it took him to realize she had bent under the tiny desk, and the moment he registered that she was quite possibly over that boy's lap, he _threw_ the chair against his desk. 

"What-" he choked out, making every student in the class jump slightly, "- are you two-" he pointed at Rey and the boy, just as she immerged from underneath. Her eyes were wide and her face looked innocent, as she slowly placed a pen on her desk. The pen she had just picked up.

Kylo closed his eyes shut, letting his palms rub his face in embarrassment. Great. There was _no_ way his students wouldn't understand there was something going on now. Was there any chance he could still save his ass? Maybe if he yelled at them? 

"I have been patient-" he removed his hands and started scolding at them, "-all this time. While you talked, and talked, and _talked."_ He grabbed the chair he had almost broken and straightened it a bit. "You have basically been ignoring everything I've said, and it was fine while you were quiet. But then you just straight up screwed all over the place!" 

He kept on going for a little while and found that he kind of needed to bawl at someone. The boy just kept sliding his chair farther away from Rey, and she looked like she was about to cry. Her classmates might think because of embarrassment. He knew it was really because of anger.

Deciding he was done, he looked at the clock. Ten more minutes of his lecture. He snarled and turned around. "Class dismissed!" 

Kylo placed his hands on the board, trying to control his breathing to calm himself down, as the sea of students packed their things and basically _ran_ out of the room. He looked over his shoulder to check what Rey was doing. She hadn't moved an inch, staring at him with the same intensity as before. But the moment their eyes locked, it was as if it broke some kind of spell, and she jumped to her feet and hurried to keep up with the others. Oh no, she wasn't getting away this time.

Kylo jogged up the stairs towards the door that she was heading. She was the last one left behind. And as the only other student disappeared and let the door swing- as Rey's hand almost grabbed the handle to keep it from closing and escape- Kylo caught up with her, wrapped his arms around her and forced her away from the door. There was a "click" as it closed, and then they were alone. 

He pushed her on the wall right there, an arm pressing on her collarbones. Just a little higher and he would be choking her. This isn't the way you pin a loved one, but then again, the way he frowned down at her, groaning and baring his teeth, also isn't appropriate. They exchanged a couple of heavy breaths, as Rey whined to get away. 

"I don't want to see you anywhere near that boy again." Kylo snarled, his breath hitting her face brutally, and Rey finally raised her eyes to look at him. 

Pressing her hands on his chest, she pushed him off. Just enough to breathe again with ease. 

"What's wrong, _Professor?"_ she mocked his title. "You can sleep around, but the moment we look at-" 

"Stop, stop," he interrupted. His hand moved to touch her jaw. "What are you talking about?" 

Rey smacked his hand away. And then she managed to break out of the little cell created by his body and the wall. "Cut the act. I saw you yesterday with that girl, Bazine." 

Kylo frowned. "Bazine? This is all because of her? That's just one of Phasma's friends!" He took a step closer to Rey, but she swung away from his hands.

"I don't care how you _met_ her, Ren. I know what I saw." 

He raised an eyebrow. "What did you see?" 

Rey's little mouth twitched like a puppy's snout. "Is that why you stopped talking to me? Pretended you were mad?" 

Kylo closed his eyes so that she wouldn't see them doing a small roll. He turned around, eyed the door. And then he locked it. Checking over his shoulder so that no jackets or whatever was left in the room, bringing a student back here, he looked back at Rey. This time he succeeded in grabbing her by the arm and dragging her with him. 

"You just found someone else and- Kylo- what are you doing? Stop- no. Stop. Let me go." 

He finally released his grip on her, letting her fall on the side of his desk. 

"Rey- I am very displeased with you right now," he murmured with a low voice. His stare made her gulp. He moved closer, grabbing her by her hips. "For flirting with that boy-" he turned her around, "-for ignoring me for days-" he bent her over his desk, "- for running away from me in the middle of the night." He pushed her jacket high on her back and fumbled with her pants. "But most importantly-" with a strong pull, her pants were down her thighs, "-for accusing me of cheating." 

"Kylo wha- uh-" 

The show he had provided his students with that day would earn him a visit to the Dean, Kylo figured. They had probably all found out about this professor-student relationship. If he was going to get caught, at least he could do it while fulfilling so many of his fantasies at the same time. Fucking Rey on his desk; fucking Rey from behind; fucking Rey while he's angry. Fucking Rey raw. He had no condoms on him, but he sure as hell wasn't stopping now. 

He fingered her folds, smirking when he felt her being wet already. "After all this time, I'm very offended that you don't realize you're the only one for me, Rey." 

There was a little squeak from her, both from the surprise of his words, and from the two digits that slid inside her. She was nervous, he could tell. The only time they had tried this before, it was hurting her too much, and they had stopped. But he even loved that about her. How her virgin body was still getting used to his length in and out of it. How he had to learn the difference between Rey's pleasure _uhs_ and painful _ahs_. How she was new to everything and he was the one she got to experience this with. He was her teacher, in more than one ways. 

He freed his cock with his other hand and nudged at her entrance. This could hurt her, but oh he was so high in adrenaline, he wanted to punish her. Punish, punish. He bent over her arched body, pushing her hair away with the hand that was wet with her fluids, and then covering her mouth. 

He whispered next to her ear. "You were right though about seeing something with Bazine. I think she likes me." He smirked, enjoying a little too much how Rey's eyes widened and moved to the side, trying to look at him. She was blushing. "Must be because I fucked her a few years ago."

Rey's muffled scream started off as one of protest, and then turned into one of pleasure, as Kylo thrust inside her with force. 

"Shh, sweetheart. You don't want anyone to hear us, do you?" he whispered again, holding her mouth more tightly, and placing his other hand over her ass to hold himself over her.

He pulled out, Rey shivering beneath him, and then jerked back in hastily. Rey whined, and he bit down a moan. 

"Damn you feel so good like that..." he mumbled, marveling at how his cock disappeared inside her cunt without any protection. 

There was no way of telling whether Rey would agree or not, had she been able to talk. Kylo picked up the pace, the sounds of their slick hips hitting together, his heavy breathing and Rey's muffled whines filling the room. He pushed her head back, making her arch in an unnatural way. And he moved his other hand to rub at her clit. Rey's whines intensified.

"Don't you ever give me the cold shoulder like that again!" Kylo growled at the back of her neck. 

He found a rhythm on which Rey squealed everytime he thrust inside of her. She was building towards her climax, and even he could feel it through her. The desk beneath them started making high-pitched sounds as it moved on the floor. 

"And don't you _ever_ talk to another man like that," he added, biting at her neck and sucking. "You're mine. _Mine."_ He repeated the word until Rey's legs started shaking, and her pussy pulsated around his dick. He placed a small kiss beneath her ear. "Ah- and I'm yours." 

Kylo moved back, taking away his hand from her mouth and sliding out of her, right before he came. All he had time to do was grabbed the base of his shaft, and then he spilled his seed all over Rey's ass with a loud groan. If he wasn't so lost in his orgasm, he would have heard her gasp at the sensation. 

Rey moved her head slowly to look over her shoulder at a sweaty, breathless Kylo Ren. Was it weird that she thought he looked utterly hot like that? She blushed at how much she liked what she was seeing, at how much the feeling in her chest pressured her, at how much she had missed him. Kylo tucked himself back in his pants and cleaned her behind before he helped her pull her clothes in their place. Then he leaned in for a kiss. It was their first kiss in days. Oh, she had definitely missed him _too_ much. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And you're mine," she mimicked his words from earlier and grinned. 

Kylo smiled one of his brightest smiles, failing extravagantly to sound annoyed. "Yeah, _dammit."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you for your patience for the updates. I'm on vacation and seriously trying hard to find any moment I can to write.


	21. You can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I want to apologize because there were some strong, kinky stuff in the previous chapter and I didn't even warn (went back and corrected that). I think I forgot. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, this perhaps isn't for everyone and thus I should have warned. I do understand Kylo was an ass, and that was the point, really- from the beginning of this fic he wasn't supposed to be a saint. But anyways, I hope it didn't make you abandon all hope on this fic.

A full weekend away from Rey was too much. Kylo barely got to see her while he was at the university, due to him being her professor and both of their studying. But he couldn't just turn down the opportunity to present his work at the First Order conference. It was one of the best around, and coincidentally, he was even offered a couple of great jobs. He politely turned them down; moving away from his girlfriend wasn't in his plans for the near future. He had a plus one, talked about bringing her with him. What a nice opportunity that would be… a nice, romantic weekend at Chalandria with all the expenses paid. But both of them laughed at the idea. They weren't ready to be called out for this prohibited relationship yet. 

"Then maybe I'll just bring Bazine with me… there are some great biology lectures taking place in the First Order this weekend." 

Obviously, it was a joke. Rey didn't laugh. Instead, she tried to choke him during sex. He would never admit he kind of liked it; just like he would never admit that Bazine was actually going to the conference on her own, anyway. Well, he should know better than to joke about things like that. Rey had seriously tried to murder him after the high of fucking had left her. Not because he had a one-night-stand with someone years ago; that would be insane. But because he had decided to reveal it in the cruelest way. 

But as Kylo arrived at his hotel, walked around the streets and admired the city's skyscrapers, he missed Rey more and more. He got more and more frustrated that he couldn't just spend time with her like that. They could only meet in secret at his apartment. Dammit, they couldn't even go on a proper date together. Sure, he tried to make up by cooking for her and getting every movie she liked to watch. But what did he have to do to walk with her hand-in-hand? To go for a dinner, or for a night out with her friends? It seemed like they were doing a lot more things together back when they absolutely hated it. 

During one of the more boring lectures, he took out his laptop and started googling ideas for dates where people couldn't see them. He found a few lists- apparently, there are a lot of people having the same problem. For a second he stared into the void, his professional scold in place, something reminiscent of fatherhood in his eyes, as he hoped no other students were fooling around with faculty members of their universities. And then he went on. 

The lists consisted of mostly dumb ideas that were for couples-only. An escape room, a trip at the beach in the middle of winter, hiking, touristic monuments (well, people _would_ see you in that one, but you would most likely not know them). All of them stupid. All of them dangerous. But then there was one that spiked his interest. One that took the meaning of "people not able to see you" a little too literally. 

It was one of those restaurants where you dine in complete darkness. Apparently, that way you could experience the journey of taste better… but who cared about that? If Rey and he could get there separately and just sit together when inside, truly no one would see a thing. Trying really hard to hide the mysterious grin that was forming on his lips, Kylo quickly searched whether there was such a restaurant near them, and for once, his hopes weren't crushed inhumanly. He got bright red with excitement and barely could hear a word for the rest of the conference. Thank goodness he had already finished his presentation the previous day. 

Professor J.J. Binks, an old man with a terrible Chalandrian accent, ears bigger than even his and skin so red he looked like a wrinkled bady, sat down next to Kylo, patting him on the shoulder. The man had to repeat what he was saying three times in order for the younger doctor to understand it. And it was basically this: he was lead of a study that could really use someone like Kylo. So if he ever decided to move to Chalandria, they were ready to offer him a very generous wage to work with them. 

A beautiful city, a great study, good payment, a new start? Maybe Kylo would normally not think twice before calling his landlord to cancel his lease back home. But now he would go back, even if it was just for this one date with Rey. 

He politely declined, for like the third time during this weekend, but Binks was insistent. When he saw that his stubbornness was no match for the adult-child that was Kylo Ren though, he sufficed in just reminding him that his door was always open if he changed his mind. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kylo noted it. 

He called Rey before boarding in the plan. 

"I'll be home in less than three hours," he told her. "Did you miss me?" 

"Hmm… not really. Being away from you has cleared my skin, actually!"

By now, Kylo knew Rey liked to tease him like that. Yet he still stopped dead in his track and lowered his voice.

"You serious?" 

"No, dummy!" the girl on the other end of the phone laughed. "I've been doing nothing but wait for you to come back. Next time you wanna go away, just make sure it's not during the weekend, please? That's, like, the only time of the week I can really be with you." 

"I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I know it's a little late, but do you think I could see you for a while tonight? I really want to hug you." 

He could practically hear the smirk in her lips. "Just hug me, professor?" 

The corner of his mouth twitched, fighting off a smirk himself. "Well, no. But I can't really go into detail right now, there are families around me." He eyed a toddler that hadn't stopped looking at him since he picked up the phone. 

"Oh, so my professor can't talk? What a shame. Would it be too evil of me to just do all the talking myself?" Rey had barely said anything, but he still felt a tingling sensation at the low of his stomach. He bit his lip and looked at the innocent toddler once more. "Should _I_ go into detail about what I want you to do to me when you get back?" 

"Rey-"

He immediately cleared his throat. He might not have seen anyone near him that he recognized, but he knew there were some other faculty members on this conference, and perhaps even on this flight. Saying her name wouldn't be the wisest. 

"Reykjavik," he blurted out, trying to cover up the one syllable he had just uttered that could cost him his job. "Yes, I'm going to Iceland after this." 

He screwed his eyes shut in almost disgust at his terrible cover-up. But the musical laughter that Rey let out from the speaker of his phone was enough to make him smile again. 

"Alright, alright. I'm stopping," she mumbled. "Have a nice flight." 

"Thank you," he whispered and it felt like he could taste honey on his lips. 

He could hear her almost say something more. And he wished it was the same three words he had been keeping to himself for the past few days. Being so much older than her, he didn't want to scare her off by admitting some serious feeling that was too committing and not reciprocated. But in the end, she said nothing. Maybe it was best this way- he wouldn't want their first time to be other the phone. He'd rather have it happen during their date, or in the sleepy state of cuddling, or even on the high of fucking. Yet it still gave him a weird feeling of sadness. 

***

The trip back home is always the shortest. In no time at all, he was standing in front of his door, trying to juggle his backpack, his laptop case, his keys and his phone that he had just pulled out to call his girlfriend. He opened the door, not realizing it was unlocked and dropped everything but his phone on the ground. He dialed Rey. 

A familiar sound was heard coming from his bedroom. For a moment, he thought his phone was ringing. A moment before he realized he was holding it over his ear. A moment before he remembered that the song was actually Rey's ringtone. He hung up, and immediately, she appeared in his living room with a dramatic "ta-da" and her arms outstretched. 

Kylo chuckled. He had never been more grateful he had given her a spare key to his apartment than this very instant. 

He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to grab Rey and lift her in his arms. So he did, from the thighs. But not normally, no. Kylo never does stuff normally. He grabbed her and turned her upside down, her head just slightly missing the impact with the floor. She yelped.

"Yes, nice to see you too!"

Then she just dangled like that, as she started complaining with a high pitch voice. But he just laughed and didn't put her down. 

"Can you at least hold me up higher?" she said, her hands touching the floor in a request for some support.

Kylo complied, and grabbed her from her torso instead of the legs, raising her higher. Her thighs rested on his shoulders, and her calves crossed behind his head. He got ready to say something but then froze. He felt Rey unfastening his belt, and just that simple movement, made his cock start hardening.

"What- what are you doing?" he breathed, but was met with no response.

She unbuttoned his pants and palmed his member. Kylo gasped, and she felt his hot breath when it came out over her own sex. Then she freed this cock from his pants and kissed the tip. 

Kylo moaned. He held her tighter, suddenly afraid he might drop her. Then he steadied her on one arm, and with the other, he started pulling down (or in this case, up) her own pants. He felt her licking him slightly, something he knew she liked to do before she took him in her mouth, and he loved it just as much. Then her lips wrapped around him and he felt the warmth and wetness of her mouth cover him. His legs almost broke down. It was so much different, upside down that her mouth was around him. Rey wrapped an arm around his waist and placed the other over his knee in order to support herself while she sucked him. It was just her mouth on him and it made him jerk his hips forward, thrusting inside and earning little squeaks from her. 

He finally freed her in front of his mouth and didn't waste a second before he started licking her clit. She moaned under him, and took him even deeper. The blood that was rushing to her head was making her feel so much _more._ It was unbelievable how different everything felt like that. In response, she sucked him hard, and he groaned.

Kylo moved a bit and rested her back against the wall because he didn't trust his arms to hold her anymore, or his legs to hold him, for that matter. In the back of his mind, he could tell how her head was cornered and she couldn't move away if he started choking her, but that didn't stop him. It actually intensified the warmth in his belly, building up his orgasm, as he moved his hips forgetting to be gentle, forgetting how vulnerable she was in this state. 

But Rey was ruthless, taking him so maniacally he was certain he wouldn't last much longer. And he did his best to reciprocate. If the noises she made were any indication, he would guess he did well. 

The idea of pleasing her, making her feel even half as good as she could make him feel, made him come, almost crushing her with his hips to the wall. It was abrupt, and he didn't even have time to warn her. She took it all in her mouth, and then spit it out, because she couldn't swallow, upside down that she was, without risking choking. He couldn't care less. 

He lowered her down on the floor carefully, and immediately put his face back between her legs. She moaned when he put a finger up in her, and again, louder, when he put the second one, and just a couple of moments later she came undone. He licked her some more, not really wanting to let her go just yet. And then he pulled back up her pants. 

"Rey-" he breathed, but found that his voice was absent. He cleared his throat, while Rey sat up, fixing her wild hair and looking at him expectantly. With his head low, he peered at her from under his brows. "You have some really good ideas." 

She pressed her lips together trying to fight a smile. "Well, there's one thing I'll do if you put my face between your legs… and gravity ain't gonna stop me." 

Kylo laughed, closing his eyes to devour her words, the way his sore mouth rumbled, the sound of her panting. He leaned forward and placed his lips over hers, smearing both of their juices together. But it wasn't a hungry kiss. It seemed that the act was done out of instinct, the way your lungs breath or your heart beats. He knew at that moment, that he would never get tired of kissing her. Or her ideas, her jokes, her laughter, her presence. He would never get tired of Rey. 

Kylo pulled back and, with a new glimmer in his eyes, took off his t-shirt and cleaned up his seed form the floor. Rey's eyes followed the movements of his beautifully built muscles. How could she have already missed him so much in just a couple of days?

"Well," he spoke, his voice still a little rough from his orgasm. "I have some good ideas, too. I hope." 

"Oh?" Rey chirped.

"I think I found a way for us to go out to dinner for an actual date." 

Right after saying that, he stood tall and looked at her with a smile that resembled a little kid proud of his bicycle technics. Rey put a hand over her chest and opened her mouth in shock. 

"Are you asking me out, professor?" 

Kylo rolled his eyes, moving towards the bathroom to discard the dirty t-shirt. Rey continued being sarcastic with just a higher volume in her voice in order for him to hear. 

"I don't think this is moral, sir. I attend your class, you know." 

"Oh, so now you have a Jakku accent, too?" 

Rey chuckled. "I always have a Jakku accent, you buffoon." 

The shirtless man reappeared. "Right, right. This time it was worse though." 

They both walked over to the couch, Rey opting to sit on his lap instead of the cushions. And then Kylo explained his amazing plan to her. She yelped in excitement, insisting on going the next day- she didn't want to wait at all. Plus, Monday evenings would have even fewer risks of getting caught, wouldn't they? 

And so, even though in the morning they had a class together, and those days usually are the best, Monday passed quite quickly. How couldn't it, when she had her plans to look forward to. Rey even told Rose about it. Well, she told her she was going on a date with the mystery guy she was seeing. 

"Well, now," the girl had joked. "I see you have upgraded from just fucking to dating. Good for you. Although it's usually the other way around." 

Rey had rolled her eyes. "It's more complicated than that." 

"Oh, I bet it is…" 

Even though Kylo wouldn't be able to see what she was wearing in the restaurant, she still decided to wear her good dress. The one she had worn on New Year's. Maybe she would make it a tradition to wear this dress everytime their relationship took a step forward. And, honest to God, she wished she could take all the steps with this man. 

She turned up at the restaurant first, as was the plan, and let the person at the front know that if a tall man with black hair came, he was to sit with her. She truly couldn't see anything, yet she still got the feeling it was very fancy. They served her wine for as she waited, and she even went as far as to order an appetizer because she was hungry. 

And then she waited for her man. 

And she waited.

And she waited.

How many times had the waiter asked to take her order by now? Every time he sounded sorrier. 

She called him. Once. Twice. He never responded.

Perhaps if there were light in there, there would also be a clock somewhere. And then she would be able to see how many hours she stayed there. Waiting. 

She was good at waiting. She could wait. But the restaurant had to close in the end, and so she had to leave. 

Walking back to the campus, she played with her phone in her hands. Why hadn't he showed up? Had he forgotten? It seemed unlikely. Had anything bad happened to him? He wasn't answering his phone, so it seemed like a plausible scenario. And just like that, she started panicking. 

She called him again. And again. And then it went straight to voicemail. She called one more time, deciding to leave him a message. 

"Kylo, what happened? I'm really worried. If you don't pick the phone up right now I'm going to call 911. Are you alright? Please just answer me. I'm coming-"

The call was ended. Rey huffed. Did she really need to be worried, or just mad? Before her mind could come up with any more crazy alternatives, she got a text. 

**Starfighter:**

> Rey this isn't a good idea. You and I. We had some fun but now it needs to stop.

What even was air anymore? A burning feeling inside her lungs prevented Rey from oxygenating her brain cells, and therefore thinking straight.

**Kira:**

> This isn't fucking funny

**Starfighter:**

> I am your professor and you are my student and frankly, this is getting more serious than I ever intended it to be

"The fuck?" Rey screamed at the empty, dark road. By this time, she had started seeing black spots.

**Starfighter:**

> I'm sorry I stood you up, I didn't know how to tell you. I hope our relationship can stay professional during our classes together.

Maybe she should have responded something. Instead Rey threw her phone across the road and let out a scream, her knees hitting the pavement and her eyes spilling out the million tears that had already formed.

How would she survive this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is the beginning of phase three of this fic. Should I even try apologizing? Just call me out in the comments, I guess, I can take it :)
> 
> Also, [nswf art](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/175816684844/can-you-at-least-hold-me-up-higher-she-said)  
> anyone?


	22. Remember: your focus determines your reality.

Rose woke up in the middle of the night. She didn't understand what it was that woke her up. She just suddenly jumped up. It was dark, which was normal. But it wasn't entirely quiet. There was a low, continuous sound, but before she could recognize it, it was interrupted by a sharp sob. Oh, someone was crying. She shifted to let her legs dangle over the edge and narrowed her eyes at the black canvas of her dorm room. 

"Rey?" she whispered with a voice heavy from sleep. "Is that you?" Honestly, she would lose her shit if the person crying said no. 

The soft sobbing stopped, and for a few seconds, there was silence. 

"Yes," the voice admitted. "Sorry for waking you up." 

The voice didn't exactly sound like her roommate, but Rose guessed she would be the only one apologizing for silently crying in the dark. 

"Oh, sweetie, what happened?" Rose got up and moved towards Rey's bed. "Did the date not go well?" Internally, she applauded herself for remembering Rey's date in the sleepy state that her mind was.

She extended her arms to hug the crying girl, but all she could feel was her pillow. She patted the bed up and down. No one was there. 

"Rey? Where are you?"

Her voice was even tinier. "Over here…" 

Well, with their dorm room so small, if she wasn't on her bed, there was only one other place she could be: the small desk they had. Rose crawled over there, pushing the chair away and once again extended her arms into the void. This time she touched a human being; what part of one she didn't recognize.

"What are you doing under here, sweetie? Do you want me to turn on the lights?"

There was a sob. "No…" 

"Okay…" 

Rose shifted so that she could take the ball that Rey had nested in her arms, trying to avoid hitting her head on the desk. Rey started crying once again, this time louder. 

"Hey, it's alright… whatever happened will pass. You'll get through this, you are strong." 

"I'm not strong," Rey complained. "I'm a fucking idiot, that's what I am."

"No, sweetie, why would you say that?" 

"He just used me…" 

Rose started stroking her hair, although movement in that refined place was very difficult. "Used you for what?" 

The crying girl lifted her head to look at her roommate. Rose realized that she could make out some vague shape of her face and the glistening tears on her cheeks now that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. 

"For sex, I guess. He just wanted someone to pass his time with and then the moment things got a little serious, he made off." There was a little sob. "I just can't believe I gave him everything I had."

"Did he not show up at your date?" 

"Not just that…" Rey grabbed the phone that surprisingly hadn't broken when she had thrown it across the street (apparently the cheapest ones can be the more durable ones) and turned it on, the screen lighting up at full brightness.

"Ah, Rey! Turn it down, girl, it's gonna blind me!" 

"Oh, sorry…" 

Right after the screen got a little darker and Rose stopped seeing black spots, she realized she was looking at some texts. 

"Who is Starfighter?" 

"My stupid date." 

She took the phone from Rey's hands and read what was in front of her. Her scold becoming deeper, her face paler with every word. Her lips parted and she breathed a little too heavy for the occasion, before actually managing to speak. 

"Professor… Rey this guy was your professor? Who- oh my God. Don't tell me… Kylo? The guy you were dating was Kylo?" 

"Shh! Yeah, let every student around here know!" Rey whispered. "And, well, apparently I never did date him. We never got to that part." 

And just like that, she was crying again. Maybe Rose had looked a little angry at her roommate, but that feeling immediately vanished when she saw her sobbing like that. She discarded the phone and hugged her again, stroking her back in circular movements. 

"The idiot had me going through hell!" Rey cried. "And just when things were going well, he tells me he never wanted anything serious? Never? He was the one who proposed an actual date in the first place!"

This time it was Rose's turn to quiet her down, although she did it a lot more lovingly than Rey previously had. 

"Sweetie, I understand you're upset right now, but I don't understand why you're so surprised," Rose said. "Kylo? The guy had been the worst since the beginning." 

Rey wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "No, he was really changed. He was nice." Then she paused, trying to settle her sobs a little. "Or so I thought." 

Rose held her as she started crying again, and they stayed like that for a while. Then she slowly pulled her from under the desk and walked her to her bed. Rey was too compliant as if she wasn't even herself anymore. Her roommate laid down next to her, still holding her as strongly as she could without choking her. 

"Look, maybe it's better that way. Dating your professor is not the best idea ever. It could get you in some real trouble." 

Rey didn't respond. She just made a sound. Maybe it was because she knew Rose was right. Again. 

"And, come on, you're freaking Rey Johnson! No one can get you crying like that! No one should. Girl, you are the best and strongest person I know, how can an emo fuckboy make you like this? I mean, Hux did so much worse and you didn't even shed a tear." 

Rey buried her face between Rose's breasts. "This is different." Her voice came out muffled and weak. 

"How is it different? He used you, is that what is bothering you? That you fell for his trick? Well, bad people get their way very often, you shouldn't be surprised it happened to you, and also, in no way does it make you any less valid."

"No, I know. But…"

"So he just wanted you for sex. So what?" Rose chuckled. "What did you want him for? I can see the interest, even though he is a total douche, he does look good. So you just wanted him for sex, too! Right? You shouldn't be hurt if he's too stupid to see that you are worth so much more. It doesn't matter-"

"No, Rose!" Rey broke out, saying a little too loud. "You don't understand." 

Rose gulped. She was going to say more, she had so many things to say. But she stopped, looking at her friend a little scared. Rey lowered her eyes. Even wrapped around the darkness, she felt too embarrassed to talk now. 

"You don't understand…" she repeated. "I love him." 

Rose froze. Her mission to make her feel better just got so much more difficult. And what if she was telling the truth?

"Sweetie, you said that about Hux too. But-"

"No, no, that's not the same. I didn't know what love was back then. But now I do. I hate it, I fucking wish I wasn't, but I am deeply in love with this man." 

Rose's breathing got a little uneven. 

"I know this," Rey continued, "because even though we fight all the time, the only thing I want is to make up with him again. Because even when I'm mad at him all I want is to be around him. Because when I'm not with him, I think about him all the time, and when I am with him, I am at peace. Because ever since I realized I liked him, I've been going to sleep with a smile on my face. Because I've thought about what my life would be if this day came, the day that we broke up and realized it was a life I didn't want to live." 

Rose gasped, lifting her hands to touch Rey, but she stopped. She didn't know what to do. What to say. 

"I know I love him because I care about him more than I care about myself. Because even after all of this, I would still go back in a heartbeat." Rey wiped her nose and her cheeks and pulled her hair back. "It's the worst. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I love a monster and I know it. But I do love him."

And Rose believed her. She didn't understand half of the things she had just said, but she could understand where Rey's heart was. She could understand why she had been crying under the desk. So she said nothing more. She just held her there, taking all of her tears, until they fell asleep. 

In the morning Rey looked better. Well, she did have bags under her puffy eyes, her skin was pale and breaking, her nose running and her face swollen… but she wasn't crying. Rose made her clean up and did everything she could not to remind her of the previous night's events. But then she asked if she was going to class… and just like that Rey was a mess again. She didn't even have _his_ class. But I guess that's what you get when you date a professor. Rose told her she would let the university know she was sick, and the texted Finn from Rey's phone to come over. She had to leave. 

Rey took it upon herself to crawl under the desk again with a box of tissues and put on sad music. Oblivious to the fact that Finn was on his way there, she jumped when she heard the door being knocked. Her stupid heart started fluttering and her mind was filled with way too hopeful scenarios that would never happen. So when she opened up and saw Finn, she was a little more than disappointed. She let out a cry and started sobbing again.

Finn's smile fell. He, too, was oblivious to what was going on.

"Oh, Rey, peanut! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he said, as he grabbed her by the shoulders and guided her towards her bed. He had her sit while he squatted in front her, placing his hands on her knees."Tell me what happened? Who did this to you?"

Rey sobbed. "Remember the guy I was supposed to be dating?" Her brain told her they weren't even dating after all, but she decided not to get into this with Finn right now. "Yeah... Turns out he's an asshole who just used me for sex." 

"What?" Finn jumped to his feet, and let out an exasperated scream. "I'm gonna freaking _kill_ Kylo, I swear!!" 

Rey froze. She snapped her head up and looked at her best friend with a little frown. "Who said anything about Kylo?"

Finn's face features soften instantly. He almost looked scared. Terrified. "Oh!" He mumbled. "Oh, I'm sorry. All this time, I just assumed-"

"No, I mean… you're right. It was Kylo. Just… how did you know?" 

Her friend squatted in front of her again. "Honey, I love you, but you can't lie for shit!" 

Rey chuckled. And it was the first time anything than ugly sobbing had escaped her for hours, so she was thankful. She was truly thankful to have a friend like Finn. Someone who could scold her for dating her professor, for dating a guy who they both used to dislike and think very bad of... yet all he did was hug her through it.

"Now," he whispered as he settled next to her. "Tell me everything."

And she did. From the night of the concert, to the texts, she told him every single detail. Well, omitting some of the sexual stuff, but still not all of them. God, she had missed this so much. Talking to her best friend like that. 

At the end, she had stopped crying altogether, and he was calm once again. 

"Ah, peanut. Didn't I tell you not to do anything stupid?" he smiled at her. 

"Yeah…" 

Then Finn stood up. "You should get dressed, we can go get some ice cream." 

"But it's, like, still winter." 

"Well, that's what makes it fun. Come on, I know the best place." 

Rey did as she was told. They got to a tiny shop that had, honestly, some of the best ice creams she had ever tried. Unless crying her eyes out for hours had done something to her taste buds. 

"Do you think we'll have to play 'Kylo Is A Douche And We're Happy He's Out Of Our Lives'?" she asked as they were finishing their ice creams. 

Much to her surprise, Finn frowned and then shook his head negatively. "No," he said. "Honestly, his behavior seems more suspicious than it does damning. Maybe there's something going on that we don't know of." 

Rey blinked at him. The idea hadn't even crossed her mind, although, in her state, it could be excused. But she was a little -well, actually, a lot- surprised that Finn would take this approach. The one that's on Kylo's side. What had happened? Didn't he use to hate him?

"Like what?"

Finn gave her a quick, careful look. "Well, didn't you say he was the one who came up with the whole date idea? And that he was very excited to see you? That doesn't sound like someone who was about to break things off." 

Rey put her little spoon down. For some reason, she wasn't hungry anymore. "Maybe he didn't plan it. It just hit him when he was getting ready: oh no, what am I doing?" she said, doing a terrible imitation of her professor's voice. 

"Or… maybe someone saw him and he finally came to terms with the fact that you're his student and therefore off limits." 

Rey's cup with the remaining ice cream was crumbled between her hands. _"Or,"_ she almost shouted, "he's just an asshole who wanted to have fun and once things started getting serious, he bailed. _Just_ like he said in his texts. Stop trying to justify him, Finn. We've always known he was the worst, and first impressions matter. I was just lonely and fell for the wrong guy. I'm not ashamed to admit I made a mistake." 

Finn just nodded, giving her a tight smile in response. She thought he was saying that to make her feel better for getting involved with someone like Kylo. And that all he was doing instead was giving her false hopes. Well, Rey thought they were false. 

Finn wasn't doing that at all. He might have hated Kylo, a long time ago. But he had learned to like him from the moment he started having suspicions about his best friend and him. He genuinely believed what he was saying. But perhaps Rey wasn't ready to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, sorry. No making up yet. Probably gonna torture you poor souls a little further <3


	23. There's always a bigger douche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry, I know y'all been waiting for the big reveal of what actually happened, but this ain't it. It will be on the next chapter though. Promise.
> 
>  _But..._ this might be a good start/clue?

Two days weren't enough to calm down. How could Rey go to Civil and Environmental Engineering on Wednesday? Rose proposed they said she was sick again, just like the previous day. But Rey knew Kylo wouldn't buy it. And she would never give him the satisfaction of seeming heartbroken for him. She put on a dress, just because it was the easiest thing to throw over her head without needing too much brain effort. But it also made her look like she had her shit together and that was an absolute plus. She thought about sitting with that guy again that Kylo had been furious to see her with, but that would be her giving him the game he wanted. That would be her showing she still thought about him. What's more, the boy was probably too scared to get near her again.

She walked to her usual seat early that day. So early, no other person was in the room. She took out her textbooks and started writing down whatever she could in order to distract herself. And it worked. She didn't even hear the door open and someone enter. Someone's steps halting immediately. Someone's labored breathing. She had all her attention on her writing and she almost jumped off her seat when she heard her name being spoken. 

The voice belonged to her professor, that she recognized instantly. It was low and harsh and sounded full of pain. She raised her head, turning slowly to look at him. Ben Solo was standing at the same row of seats as her, turned to face her, his back over his shoulder, his lips pressed together, his eyes red. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. The view should have made her feel good. All it did was make her confused. How could _she_ look like she was in a better condition than him? Wasn't this what he wanted? 

"Are you… are you okay?" he mumbled, clearing his throat. 

Rey frowned at him. Should she act like nothing had happened? Maybe that way he wouldn't think she had affected her that much. Maybe that way she would be able to keep some of her dignity. But then again, why not admit the truth? She shouldn't be embarrassed by it, he should. 

"Do you care?" she snapped at him. 

She could see the grip on his bag tightening. Kylo glanced at the door, and then took a step closer.

"Look, Rey-"

"Don't talk to me," she interrupted him. 

Kylo stopped. He got ready to say something else, but Rey just turned back to her textbook. The door opened, a young boy walking in, and the professor looked back ahead and descended the stairs as if nothing had happened. Soon enough, the auditorium was full and the lecture started. Everytime Rey looked up, she met Kylo's eyes, and it made her wonder whether he was looking at her all the time, or it was just a coincidence. 

He asked a question Rey knew the answer to but decided against raising her hand; who was in the mood of speaking right now? Yet Kylo decided to call her name anyway. Rey rolled her eyes and answered, thinking she would take him by surprise. Thinking this was his way of being petty. But he didn't shift, he didn't blink. He gave her a tiny smile, taking the moment to absorb her eyes into his. Rey realized too late this was his way of getting to hear her voice. Of making her look at him. 

The class ended, but Rey still had so many questions unanswered. Since he was the one who had dumped her, why was he doing all that? She thought back to what Finn had said the other day. What were the chances that he didn't really want to break things off? Looking into his eyes, they seemed a lot. Looking at his texts, not so much. But there was an itch in Rey's palm, a sting in her stomach. He had said everything he had via texts, and she had a feeling that if they were to talk in person, his words would be a lot different. Face to face, where he couldn't hide behind a screen, where she could see his eyes and body language. 

She had the right to an explanation, didn't she? 

Most of the students were already out of the classroom, and Kylo had packed his stuff and was moving towards the door. Rey stood up and spoke with a loud voice, one that everyone in the room could hear. 

"Professor, may I speak to you for a moment?" 

His eyes flickered to her but he immediately looked back down to where he was stepping. Once he reached her, he turned his face slightly towards her, yet still didn't raise his eyes, and spoke with an equally strong voice.

"No."

Thankfully everyone was already gone and couldn't hear their professor refusing to talk to their student for seemingly no reason. Rey froze, unable to even breathe for a few seconds. Kylo got out, the door swinging shut behind him, and with that sound, she was left alone. 

Her blood was boiling in her veins. She stomped her foot down and clenched her fists. She bit the inside of her cheek trying to stop her eyes from filling with tears, but that was unsuccessful. Grabbing her stuff, she basically ran out and towards her dorm room. Finn would be waiting for her for lunch in the cafeteria, but she guessed he would just call her once she didn't show up. 

She kicked her door open, checking to see if Rose was in, and the second she realized she was alone, she broke down crying. Sobbing. Making ugly sound and chocking on thin air. She crawled to her bed and buried her face on her pillows, trying to shuffle the sounds so no nosy neighbors would come to check up on her. She felt so stupid for crying again, but the more she felt bad, the more tears came out. If this was what being in love was like, she didn't want it. 

There was a knock on the door. Rey jumped slightly. Do you think Kylo could have felt guilty for speaking like that and finally came to her? No, there was no chance that was what was happening. He had already dismissed her a thousand times, how many more would it take for her brain to stop being this hopeless romantic and suck the truth up? 

So she assumed it was Rose, or Finn, finally noticing her absence, or even Poe (for some reason), and she didn't even bother looking up. Just mumbled a "come in" and kept her head buried in her pillow while she cried as silently as she could. The door was heard opening slowly and then closing again. There was a long pause before anyone spoke, but Rey wasn't just going to start a conversation. Maybe, whoever it was, would see it was a bad time and walk away in tiny steps. 

"Hey…" 

Her sobbing stopped immediately. She knew that voice. And the unmistakable Jakku accent accompanying it. Oh, she hadn't heard him in so long! She thought her ears were playing tricks on her. But when she raised her head, he was there. Standing tall, almost as tall as Kylo, with his long black coat, his ginger hair combed neatly back, his head and gaze low. 

"Hux?" 

She wanted to sound angrier, but she was just surprised. Seeing him after all this time, after never having confronted him about anything… Gosh, how could all her boyfriends be so douchy? 

She wiped the tears off her cheeks. "What are you doing here?" she spat out. Ah, there it was. The snark, the anger. 

His eyes slowly found hers, and they were wide, and light -green, she remembered- and it was such a contrast to the eyes she was used to looking at lately. Literally no other friend of hers had eyes like his. Friend or… professor.

"Rey, I-" he gulped. "I never got to talk to you. Explain myself." 

She sat up better, crossing her arms over her chest. "Yeah. 'Cause there is nothing to explain." 

Honestly, dealing with another stupid ex of hers right now was the last thing she needed. Especially Hux. Who on Earth had time for someone like him?

"No, no, please, listen to me," Hux said quickly, dropping on his knees in front of her, and placing his palms over hers. Rey internally gasped at the sight, at the touch. He was literally begging on his knees. "When you broke up with me, I didn't know why. But I respected your decision and didn't go after you. It was your choice, I didn't want to be a creep. Plus, if you ever changed your mind, you knew where to find me." 

How were his words even sounding normal? As if they were making sense? As if, dear God, they were nice? She shook her head slightly. She must be in a horrible emotional position to actually think Hux is doing something polite. He talked about respect. _He_.

The two of them hadn't talked since the very awkward break up they had. But now it was even worse, and not just because of that. But because in the meantime, she had found out about him cheating on her, and he probably had found out about Kylo and her. How could he be standing -well, actually, kneeling- in front of her after all of that?

"But then one day-" he continued, "-Kylo showed up out of nowhere." He spoke his name as if it was something to spit out. And honestly? Rey felt the same way. "And he started punching me, saying I was cheating on you." Hux moved a little closer, squeezing slightly her legs under his hands. "Rey, I swear to you, I promise you, I never did anything like that. Never could." 

Rey pulled back. For a moment, she wanted to punch him, too. Did he honestly have the audacity to come here and tell her that? But then his eyes- damn, his eyes were so widened, and shiny and… innocent. Rey realized she hadn't found out about him on her own. She didn't have any proof. It was just Kylo. Kylo had told her everything. And now that she knew the kind of asshole he was… oh no. Could he have lied to her? Just so he could eventually get her to bed? Her stomach twisted and she thought she might throw up. 

"I realized this was probably why you left me. And if it were true, I would have let you. But it wasn't. It's not true, Rey, so I got ready to come and talk to you. I wanted to tell you everything, and then perhaps, well I had this obscene hope, that you might take me back. It was insane, I realize that now. But as I got ready, something else hit me: Kylo. Why was he so angry, why did he defend you like that?" 

Hux covered his face with his hands, taking a moment to breathe in and out. Rey just hang there, waiting for him to continue. She was drawn to his version of the story like a moth to the light. The version that could very well be the truth. Oh, how she needed it to be the truth at that moment.

"It was obvious he liked you. And I realized, you probably… well, the two of you…" his voice was muffled, and a tiny sob interrupted him. Was he crying? "So, once again, I respected your choice, and didn't say anything." He removed his hands. "But yesterday I saw Kylo with someone else." 

_What?_ Rey forgot how to breathe for a second. He… he had already found someone new? Or, maybe, he broke things off _because_ he had found someone new. Her head started spinning. Oh, God. What if it wasn't someone _new_ at all? What if he had been cheating? Could it be that stupid _Bazine?_

"I asked him about you, he just dismissed me, and then, Rey, I didn't lose any time coming here to talk to you. Now I know the odds of us getting back together are very, _very_ slim, but… I will settle with you not hating me. And, well, maybe just us being friends again?" His hands found her knees again, and he started stroking her lightly. "I miss you. I miss spending time with you." 

"But you're gay!" She didn't really say that. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe that was one of Kylo's tricks, too. There was no one she could trust now, was there?

She shook her head. "Hux, I- I don't know what to say…" How could she? Just a few minutes ago, he was someone to abhor. And feelings weren't just an on and off switch. She wishes they were. 

Hux got up and started pacing around the room. "Look, I understand now that… well, I was never intimate with you, which was probably what you wanted. But believe me, I just- I only waited because I didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of you. I didn't want you to think sex was all I wanted you for." 

Rey gulped. There was no escaping the correlation between Hux's words and Kylo's true intentions. She had been so blind. She really had. 

"I know," she murmured. 

The ginger man turned abruptly on his heels, and a huge grin appeared on his face. "Oh, Rey! My dear, sweet Rey. Do you mean that?" He moved closer to her. "Are you not mad at me? You don't want to kill me, or anything?" 

She couldn't help it- she laughed. And then she wiped her dry tears once again and her running nose with the back of her hand. "I just… I might need some time. You know, to adjust to all of this." 

His grin became sweeter, softer. It turned into a small smile, as he carefully placed his palm over her cheek, and his thump danced over the wet skin there. "Of course… I'll wait, Rey. I'll wait for as long as you want." Then he gulped, and his voice was low and shaky. "I love you." 

Rey's head snapped up, and she looked at him with her eyes wide and her mouth open. 

"Always had," he added. 

He… he _loved_ her? Hux had never told her that before. Kylo had never told her that before, but she guessed now it made sense. Hell, _no_ man had ever told her he loved her before! Apart from Finn, of course. But that was different. 

If it was a few months ago, she would have said it back right away. She wouldn't even waste a heartbeat. But this time, she just lingered, savoring the feeling. The feeling of being loved. She thought she had felt that with Kylo, but she realized now that she needed the validation. She needed to hear it. To know it for sure. 

She just smiled back. Hux pulled away. "I will leave you now," he said and started walking towards the door. "Just know that, if anytime you want to talk, you can just call me. Anytime. And also know that I hope you do." 

Rey nodded. And then he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're all thinking right now: this is a Reylo fic, where is all the Reylo? And to you I have only one thing to say...
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> But anyway, this is relevant to the very beginning of the story, so some of you might have already forgotten what happened (wouldn't blame you). But I never did get to say _why_ Hux was with Rey. Any guesses? ;)


	24. Is life really the bitch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'all ready for soap opera level of drama??

How many days had it been since Kylo had talked to Rey? Really talked to her? When was the last time he had kissed her, he had held her in his arms? It felt like ages. He sat on his desk next to Hux, watching as the man texted the girl he so craved, talking to her on the phone… and he couldn't do anything. He couldn't say anything. The times he had fantasized about wrapping his hands around the ginger's neck were too many to count. Sometimes he thought the only reason Hux had gone back to talking to Rey was just so that he could torture him further.

But how could _she_ do that? She knew what kind of person Hux was… What lies had he told her to convince her to go back? At least he knew they weren't dating or anything. But Hux refused to leave her out of his sight, constantly spending time with her, or talking to her on the phone when they were apart. Even if Kylo wanted to go near her, he couldn't. It was like the Earth in a half a mile radius around her was filled with mines. He wouldn't risk Hux finding out he had tried talking to her outside of their class. For Rey. Everything he did was for her.

But he just couldn't wrap his head around the new circumstances. He couldn't understand why Hux, a certainly homosexual man, would want anything to do with a young girl like Rey. He knew his ultimate goal was to start dating her again; Hux himself had told him that. And well, Rey wasn't stupid; he bet she had realized that too. And the fact that she still hadn't given in was the only consolation.

What were the chances that Rey didn't date Hux because she still wanted Kylo? If she had any logic left in her, she should have already forgotten about him. He treated her so badly. Yet she still looked at him in his classes, and even though she spent all of her time with Hux, she hadn't done him the favor of getting back with him. Kylo allowed his heart to indulge in the fantasy that she still loved him. If she ever did. He would lay on his bed at night and think about the days that everything was perfect, the days that she looked at him as if she loved him. He truly felt loved by her.

And he loved her so much in return. Now he hit himself and screamed into the emptiness of his apartment for not having told her that. What a coward he had been! Afraid he would scare her away. Now, if Rey had known how much of his heart belonged to her, how he existed only for her shake, how he ached from the deprivation of her touch, perhaps none of this would have happened. Perhaps they could have found a way to make this work out.

"I'm going to grab lunch," Hux said suddenly next to his ear, pulling him from his thoughts and startling him. "With Rey," he added.

Kylo gritted his teeth at the man. Did he really have to be so cruel?

"What's wrong, Ren?" Hux whispered. "Any complaints you would like to voice?"

He looked at him from the corner of his eyes. "No," he choked out.

Hux patted him on the shoulder. "That's what I thought." And he was gone.

Kylo jumped off his chair the moment the other man was out the door. He grabbed his hair and pulled at it, emitting a loud, strangled noise that made anyone left in the room look at him with horror in their eyes. He ignored all of them. If he didn't understand what Hux wanted to do to Rey he would explode! Seriously, why would he want her with him? She had nothing to give him! Literally nothing-something one day in an argument he'd told her, and he had regretted it every day since. And the two of them had nothing in common. Nothing at all. Except for the fact that they both were from Jakku… but they didn't know each other beforehand. Not until Hux had found Rey in Maz's cafe where she hung out all the time.

_Wait._

Hux had _found_ her. Which meant he had looked for her.

_Jakku._

That little town Rey said she worked at? How was it called? Something with Post… something. Something…

_Oh!_

***  
The next day, at about the same time, after Hux had left to find Rey again, Kylo walked out to the hallway. He looked right and left, and just like he had imagined, he saw the two men just disappearing behind the corner. He jogged to them.

"Poe," Kylo called after the man, "I need your help."

Poe turned around and looked at him with narrowed eyes. Just a couple of steps ahead was Finn. They were probably going to get some lunch together. The younger man folded his arms over his chest and looked at Kylo as if he was trying to make him explode with his brain.

"What do you want, Ren?" Poe asked. It wasn't as angry as his boyfriend looked. It sounded more like he was done- done with all of this.

"It's… it's about Rey," he almost whispered. Finn snorted. "And Hux."

"Let it go, man," said Poe.

"Yeah, or I will make you!" Finn stepped forward but was stopped by his boyfriend's arm over his chest. It was endearing, how protective Finn was of his best friend. But he was barking at the wrong man.

"Look, seriously, I just… I just need some of your time. I'll explain everything to you."

The two men looked at each other as if they could communicate just with their eyes.

"You have five minutes," Finn said through his teeth.

"I might need longer than that," Kylo said. Both of them raised an eyebrow at him. How could they be so in synch? "Fine, fine. Five minutes. Let's hurry up, then."

He walked with quick movements down the hall again, looking over his shoulder to make sure they were following him. And they were. If Finn didn't still have his arms crossed, he would even say they wanted to see what he had to say. Maybe they could understand that everything had been a great misunderstanding. That he never wanted to hurt Rey. Surely, they could see how much in love he was with her.

Kylo opened the door to a room where they could be alone and closed it again once they were all inside.

"Alright. Five minutes. Um…" He ran a hand through his hair. How could he explain everything in such short of a time?

"Go on, clock's ticking," Poe beckoned to him.

"Okay." Kylo nodded. "I'll start with the night of the date. So I had just gotten out of the shower-"

"Okay, okay…" Poe interrupted. "We do not need to have the image of you with just a small towel around your waist covering the essentials, your skin red from the heat, your hair sticking to your forehead and water dripping down your perfectly sculpted abs in our heads, buddy!"

Kylo looked at him with narrowed eyes. Was he joking?

"I didn't say _any_ of that!"

"Yeah, well, you said enough," Finn backed up his boyfriend.

Kylo blinked at the pair, but soon shook his head and continued. "I get out, and there he was: Hux. Sitting on my couch.

""You know, Kylo, you are getting progressively sloppier in your secret relationship. First, you kiss her outside your house, where anyone can see you, and then you give away keys to your apartment…" he told me. I kind of told him to fuck off and started screaming at him. But he stayed calm.

""Your such an idiot," he told me. "You just had to go an' fall in love with her, didn't you? I would have been more than willing to let you share… why did you have to go and screw up like that, Ren?" Apparently he just wanted to be in a relationship with Rey and didn't care if she cheated him with me. He's such an asshole, I swear, if I ever get-"

"Hey, Kylo," Finn interrupted him. "Focus here. You don't have a lot of time."

The man sighed trying to collect himself. "He showed me a picture. Well, a few pictures, actually. They are of me kissing Rey outside my door. Hugging her. Bringing her inside. He threatened he would go to the Dean with them and have both me fired and Rey kicked out of school. I don't care about me, I really don't. But I could never do that to Rey. You guys know that, don't you?"

He saw how their eyes lowered to the ground, a sad look in them. They knew.

"He then stood over me as I texted Rey we were over. He doesn't want her to know any of this, and honestly, neither do I. She'll try to do something, I know she will. She always wants to be the hero, but as long as Hux has those pictures of us, there is nothing we can do, and it will only get Rey in trouble."

Poe nodded. "You're right. Don't worry, we won't tell her."

Kylo's lips twitched in a half smile. "Thank you."

"Why would he do that?" Finn's voice came out high-pitched.

"Because he wants to be with Rey," Poe answered him.

"But why? Isn't he supposed to be gay or something?"

Kylo pointed a finger at him, his other hand digging into his pocket to grab his phone. "That is _exactly_ what I asked myself. So I did some research." He unlocked his phone and got ready to show them something, but then stopped. He eyed them over his phone carefully. "So… the way I got this isn't exactly legal," he whispered.

Finn shook his head. "Yeah, man, don't worry about it. Just show us what you've got." Both he and his boyfriend leaned closer to peer at Kylo's phone. He handed it to them.

"What are we looking at?" Poe asked as he couldn't tell what the document in front of him was.

"A will," Kylo said. "Unkar Plutt's will and testament."

The two men frowned up at him. "What?" Finn said. "What does he have to do with any of this?"

"Here's the thing: both Hux and Rey are from Jakku. And do you know where Rey works?"

"Of course," Poe answered. "At Unkar Plutt. Niima Outpost."

Kylo straightened his back. "Well. Guess who _owns_ half of that town..."

He saw as the color of both of the men left their faces, their eyes widening in perfect synchronization.

"Hux!" Finn spat out, gritting his teeth.

"Hux," Kylo confirmed. "Now look to whom Plutt is leaving his properties." He pointed at the bottom of the file on his phone. The name was written wide and clear: Rey Johnson.

"What?" Poe frowned.

"How can that even be?" his boyfriend continued. "Plutt hates Rey! Do you know how badly he's treated her? I keep telling her to leave and never go back, but dammit, everyone wants to go back to Jakku for some reason!"

"I know," Kylo said in a reassuring voice. It calmed both men down, somehow, and it made them think that if this was what he was like around Rey, they could see the appeal. "I talked to her about it too, but she got really defensive. Well, not that I approached the subject in the best way."

"Yeah, but why would he leave her his hotel and bar? How does that make _any_ sense?" Poe questioned.

Kylo shrugged. "I didn't really find anyone else alive who was related to him. Perhaps Rey is the only family he has. And he really doesn't what the money to go to the government or something."

They all stayed silent for a few seconds. It had been long past the five minutes Kylo had been granted, but they had all forgotten about that. The couple exhaled, and grabbed their heads, trying to wrap them around everything.

"So Hux... What? He wants to steal these from Rey?" Finn asked.

"That's what my guess is, yes."

"But he can't," Poe argued.

"Well, I guess he can if they get married and he convinces her to transfer them to his name."

*"Married?"* Finn yelled. "Oh, hells no! Over my dead body!"

Poe grabbed his boyfriend in a tight hug. "Relax, buddy. We're not going to let anything like that happen."

"We have to tell Rey!" the younger man continued. "We have to warn her. She's probably with him right now, and you know how attached she gets to people!"

That broke something inside Kylo. Finn hadn't been talking about him, but he knew Rey had gotten attached to him, too. And then he left her like that.

"We can't," he said, inhaling from his nose in a weird manner. "Hux is just going to ruin any chance of her graduating from any university."

"Well, she'll have two businesses in her name," Poe spoke. "What does she need a degree for?" Both Kylo and Finn looked at him with their eyebrows frowned. They didn't have to say anything for him to take what he had just said back. "I'm sorry, you're right. She would never want that."

"She wants to be an academic," Finn said with a sad tone in his voice. "Like you." He pointed at Kylo, making him shift his weight on his feet in awkwardness. It all served to make him feel even more guilty for breaking her heart, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"So?" he asked.

"So what?"

"What do we do? I told you guys I need your help."

Poe scratched the back of his neck looking at the floor. "I… I don't think there is anything we can do. Not yet. We have to wait until she graduates, making sure she doesn't get back with Hux, and then she'll be free."

"Yeah, if she gets her degree, some photos of her with a professor can't hurt her, can they?" Finn asked.

Poe looked at Kylo. "They could still hurt him."

Kylo shook his head, closing his eyes. "Don't worry about me. I just- I wanted- look, guys…" He sighed. He placed his hands over his face to cover it so that they couldn't see him. "I'm in love with her. Really."

Finn inhaled sharply. "Kylo, you can't risk even talking to her right now."

When the man put down his hands again, they could see his eyes glowing more than they did before. Glittering, as the light bounced over the tears that had started to pool in them. "I- I need her. I can't just stand here and watch her be with Hux. Isn't there- can't we find a way for me to be with her again? Guys- if she doesn't know how much I love her, if she doesn't know that I never wanted this and she just thinks I'm a monster… she'll forget about me. She'll just get over me and no matter how many years I'm willing to wait for her, she won't ever come back again! I will have lost her. Forever."

Finn shivered. The tall man in front of him was almost crying, painfully trying to hold back the tears and choking out some sobs. And he'd seen how awful Rey looked the first days of their break up, too. How could they let two people who loved each other so much and hurt when apart, just be separated? How could he do that to his best friend?

"Maybe…" he whispered. "Maybe we could tell her what's going on. We can convince her not to do anything and-"

"Honey, no," Poe stopped him. He gave the younger man a look, and he immediately let his head drop, surrendering to the harsh love his boyfriend was giving him. Understanding that whatever it was he was about to say, he was right. Then Poe turned again to look at Kylo. "I'm sorry, Ben," he whispered. "I think the best thing to do right now is to move on."

Kylo's left eye twitched. "I-"

"I know it feels like you'll never be the same again," Poe continued, "but trust me, it'll get better. You'll get over it. Just forget about Rey. We will make sure she's safe from now on."

Kylo let his open mouth close, and he gulped. "I can't." His voice was broken. Tiny.

Poe let a hand fall over his shoulder. He squeezed it a bit. "I'm sure you can, buddy. We just can't risk anything. I know you understand."

Kylo's nostrils flared as he breathed loudly, with effort. He clenched his jaw yet, in the end, he couldn't stop the lone tear that ran down his right cheek. "I understand." He was barely audible. Then he pushed past them. "Excuse me…"

And he left the room, God knows to go where. They just hoped he wouldn't try to do anything stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the late update. My phone broke and I had everything in there, so I had to start over *sob*. Thus the next update might take me a while again... But it's going to be worth it, I swear ;)


	25. Balance restored (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so good and patient... Here's something as a reward for you ;)

You might have thought that, as the days went by, Rey would think about Kylo less and less. If you did, you were wrong. She constantly shifted from hating him and trying to put a curse on him, to thinking this was all part of a bigger plan she couldn't see, and he would come by knocking on her door any minute now to kiss and make up. From saying she would never take him back, to knowing she would willingly become his bed-warmer, if that's all he wanted her for. The fact that she was in his class didn't help; she couldn't quite place what was different -maybe just the energy- but she could feel it. It had a strange impact on her psyche. Every time she came out of the classroom, it felt like returning from the underworld. How exactly did she know what returning from the underworld felt like? Well... she just did. 

On the other hand, Kylo seemed to be doing better on the "getting-over-her" department. He looked at her less and less. He talked to her only as her professor. He never acknowledged her outside of class. Not that he looked necessarily rude; just living his own life and not involving her in it. She tried to do the same but surely she failed. There was no way he didn't notice how some days she appeared in his class with red eyes and wet cheeks. No way he didn't feel her staring. No way he didn't see the awful state her latest paper was in, scrambled and smudged and slightly ripped. The B she had gotten on it was probably just him being charitable. 

It had been weeks... if he was planning on returning, wouldn't he had done it already? 

Maybe she just needed to find someone new to get him off her mind. As his class ended, she took a peek at his strong body and walked out determined it would be the last. With her lungs full of air and her head held up high, she... fell right into someone. 

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled, grabbing a hold of the person she had almost crushed. The man raised his head and she looked straight into his green eyes, letting a soundless sigh escape her. "Hux." 

Well, she said someone _new_.

"Hey."

So he was waiting outside her class now, too? She knew he was trying to get back together with her, trying to prove he was good. And he did a pretty good job. She had never seen Hux so engaged with her before, and they dated for three months. He was always paying attention, he was spending time with her, he showed interest. Things that would have been greatly appreciated had they come almost half a year ago! Now -it wasn't a secret- her mind and heart belonged to someone else, making Hux's constant invasion very, _very_ annoying. 

"So, I came to greet you..." he mumbled, turning around to walk down the hall with her. 

"Greet me?" Rey did her best not to sound like she was smiling, although she wasn't sure if it worked.

"Yes, I have some work to attend to, and I'll be back tomorrow noun. But we will be in touch, right?" Rey nodded. Hux smiled at her and leaned down, as if to kiss her, but she just forced a hug on him. He patted her on her back. "Alright, so what are you doing tonight? Are you going to see anyone?" 

She shook her head. "I don't think so. I have studying to do." 

"Ah," he simply said. "So you are just going to stay in, or...?"

"Yeah, probably. There is a chance I'll pop to the library at some point, but I think I'll be too bored to do that." 

"Alright, have fun." This time she couldn't avoid the kiss he planted on her cheek. "Bye!" 

Hux jogged down the hall, as Rey wiped her cheek off the ghost of his kiss. 

***

If Rey's major was Drinking and Stalking, you could say she was indeed studying that evening. With Rose's laptop, searching up her ex and _his_ ex and generally anyone who had interacted with him and went by she/her pronouns. The thing is, when you break up with someone without actually talking about why, you constantly dream about the day you actually have that fight you were entitled to from the beginning. You practice what you would say, you act out what _they_ would reply. You write all those unsent letters to no one...

And Rey was entitled to a fight. She had the right to ask Kylo why he left, even if he told her the exact same thing he had via texts. Just to actually hear his voice while he said it. To see his eyes while he broke her heart. She had the right to put herself through this misery if she wanted to. Because until they actually had that fight, her heart would always hope for him to be back. 

She needed closure. 

So she staggered to the bus and then rode close to Kylo's house. She walked outside his door, then kept walking. How was she going to do this? Then she walked back there... and left again. He was inside; she could see the lights on. How could she bother him when he didn't even want to see her?

Riding a wave of confidence, Rey arrived outside his home for the third time and started banging on it with force, until he opened up. He looked surprised to see her, then angry. The door started closing again, but she was quick, and she slipped under his arm and into his apartment. 

"Rey!" he exclaimed, but she just turned and closed the door behind her, her body leaning on it protectively. He wasn't going to kick her out before she said what she needed. 

"Kylo, I know you don't want to see me, but I have a right to-"

"No, Rey, you can't be here. You need to leave, right now!"

Kylo put his hand on the doorknob, but Rey just let her body weight do all the work and crush his arm. He took a step back. 

"No, you'll listen to me," she snarled at him. She saw his jaw moving awkwardly, as he stared at her with heated eyes. The next breath she took sounded more like a sob. "I thought we had something!" Dammit, she was supposed to be angry. Why were her eyes starting to sting with tears? "And don't tell me it was all in my head, that what this was was just casual sex because I won't believe you." Kylo shifted his weight from one foot to another but didn't speak. "I know you felt that too! So just- just suck it up and tell me the truth." 

He sighed. "Rey... I've already told you-"

"No, Kylo! The truth!" she shouted. "I wanna know why you left me, the real reason."

Kylo wrinkled his nose, and suddenly, his fist landed next to her head on the door. The loud _bang_ made Rey jump, for a second thinking she was in danger. But the way he struggled with himself seemed to be far worse. He leaned closer. 

"Dammit, Rey!" he yelled. "Why are you even here?" He sounded more hurt than angry now. "Aren't you supposed to be with Hux or something?" 

Oh, is that why he was hurt? He was jealous? 

"No. Hux is out of town." 

His strong facial features suddenly softened, his mouth dropped slightly, his eyes widened. "Hux is out of town?" There was a clear smile starting to appear on his lips. 

Rey nodded, a bit too mesmerized by his lips to answer with words. But then she cleared her throat, looked up, and continued her fiery speech. 

"Now, listen here-"

Those plump, wet lips she had just been staring at landed on hers, blocking off anything she had to say, as Kylo started kissing her with an intensity that made it feel like he was actually trying to hurt her. His hands closed at either side of her face, and he almost crushed her skull, as he pinned her to the door and slipped his tongue inside her mouth. 

Rey pulled slightly back. "Kylo..." She had intended to protest, but the name left her more like a plea. 

"Shh..." he whispered and kissed her again. "Need you-" his voice vibrated against her lips, "-right-" his hands moved under her thighs and he lifted her up, _"Now."_

Everything was forgotten then. Rey didn't care why he had left her, she didn't care if he was just using her at that moment, she just cared about him. She dug her fingers in his hair and she pulled at it, clearly trying to hurt him, because she was still mad, yet needed him closer. In response, he started sucking at her neck.

"Ben!" she mumbled, and it sent a jolt down his body. She had never called him like that before. Oh, he liked it. He dug his fingers in her flesh, grinding on her and biting her neck harder. He wanted to make her say it again. "Oh my God," Rey mumbled, but it wasn't good enough. He moved his mouth to her ear, as he nibbled at the shell of it, and _really_ pushed her on his erection. "Oh, Ben!" she screamed again, and yes, that was it. 

He pulled away. "I'm gonna get a condom, don't you _dare_ move." 

But Rey just closed her arms around his neck, refusing to let him go. "Wait," she mumbled, and he did. Her hand searched for her back pocket, and she dug out a condom, holding it between their faces with a sly smile. Kylo frowned. For some reason, the sight of it made him a little jealous. 

"You just had that on you?" 

Rey brought the packet to her mouth and ripped it open with her teeth. "I really wanted you to fuck me again, Professor." 

Kylo groaned, and his eyes rolled to the back of his skull. Gosh, he almost came just by hearing that sentence. 

"Put it on me, Rey. Just--" 

She obliged, lowering her small fingers over his pants, and fumbling with his belt. Kylo kept on kissing her, her mouth, her jaw, her neck, until he felt her hand sliding to the base of his cock. He pulled away and looked at her in the eyes. Part of him wanted to take his time with her, to make her come, to savor her- he didn't know when and if he would get the chance again. But his body didn't allow any other moment of hesitation. He let her to her feet and pulled down her pants with such force he almost tore them apart. Rey stepped quickly out of them, and he grabbed her legs again and lifted her against the door. And then he dipped inside her, without a warning, without allowing her any moments to adjust to the size of him, that her body had already forgotten. 

Rey yelped. She threw her head back, and he could tell it hurt. But he also could tell she liked it. If he was more decent, he would have slowed down. He would have been softer. But if he was more decent, he wouldn't be doing this at all. He would have sent her away, for her own safety. She shouldn't be with him, for so many reasons, and his indecency was apparently one of them. 

He started thrusting inside her with menace. Rey cried out with every thrust. 

"Yes, that's it," Kylo said as he captured her jaw with one hand. "Scream for me." His hips hit hers again, and Rey did exactly as asked. "Scream for me, Rey. Be loud. I want to hear you." His hand left her jaw and moved down, where her body met his, and he started rubbing her clit. "I want everyone in this neighborhood to hear you." 

"Kylo, ah!" She yelled and buried her face in his neck. She started sucking him, and he knew she would leave a hickey. He knew that this was exactly what she was trying to do; to mark him. To leave proof that this happened. To make sure he was hers and only hers. He should stop her. Leaving marks could get them in trouble. But dammit, he didn't. It just felt so good, she was amazing, she was the best, he couldn't understand how he survived away from her, he wanted to fill her-

Her phone started ringing. They both stopped and looked at each other. 

"It's fine, whoever it is will hang up," she said and moved to kiss him again. But he backed up. 

"No, wait, look. Just look who it is." 

Rey raised an eyebrow. Was he really asking her to answer her phone while he was deep inside her? But she just took her phone out of the little purse that was still hanging from her shoulders and saw the caller ID. 

"It's Hux," she sighed and got ready to throw it all the way across the apartment. How could he ruin this even when he didn't know that's what he was doing? 

"No, no, answer it," Kylo mumbled quickly. 

"What?"

"Listen, Rey. You have to answer. He will get suspicious if you don't."

"I don't care-"

"No, please, answer it." He looked nervous, and she didn't understand why, but knew there had to be a reason. "Just, obviously, don't tell him you're here." 

So she did. She pressed the button and placed her phone over her ear. 

"Hey..." she mumbled. 

"Oh, hi Rey. How are you?" 

Apparently, Kylo's attention span was as long as a 10-year-old's. He stopped paying attention to the call, and started silently kissing Rey's neck instead. 

"I'm- I'm good. I'm fine. What's up?" 

Kylo held her hips steadily with both of his hands, and then started moving inside her again. Jesus Christ, was he trying to sabotage her? 

"I just wanted to hear your voice," Hux said. "I missed you." 

"Oh!" Rey exclaimed, but it really wasn't because of what he had said. It was because there was a man slowly, _slowly_ thrusting inside of her. And it was driving her crazy. 

"So... where are you? You studying or something?" 

Mm... yes. She was taking a test in Civil and Environmental Engineering. She was doing her best to please her professor. She was acing the class. 

"Uh, yep. Got lots to do, actually."

Kylo put his hand under her shirt and grabbed one of her breasts, as he progressively fucked her harder, louder. It was becoming impossible to keep Hux into ignorance. She had to move the phone away from her face so that he wouldn't hear her little panting. 

"Okay, Hux, I need to go now," she said without having heard what the man was talking about. "It was good to hear you. Bye." 

And then she hung up. She put her phone back inside the purse and let it hit the floor, and then looked straight into Kylo's eyes, who had finally paused for a second. 

"That was... so hot," she mumbled. 

Kylo grinned and moved to kiss her. His tongue wrestled to get inside her mouth, and he peeled her off the door. He took a couple of steps back, just holding her in the air, and started making her move up and down on his dick. 

"Gosh, Rey-" he breathed as he pulled slightly away to look at her eyes. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to." 

"Shh..." she whispered, letting her head fall back and closing her eyes, because she was hitting the spot, she was getting so close. 

"I swear to you, I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be with you all the time." 

"I know. I know, sweetheart." Her words surprised her a bit. Because she didn't know. She had spent so many hours crying her eyes out over this man, thinking he hated her, thinking he didn't feel anything for her, thinking she would never get to kiss him again. She didn't know he actually hurt as much as she did. But she just heard it in his voice. She just felt it in the way he said it. She knew. She knew. She didn't mind. She would forgive anything. She loved him, and she felt like he did too. And for this, she would forgive everything. 

Kylo moved his hand over her back, grabbing the back for her neck and pushing her down. And then she felt him come. She saw his face take the twist she loved so much, and his hips jerked forward, and his cock spasmed. It pushed her off the edge. She had missed this so much. She screamed his name as she came too, and kissed him. 

Oh, she loved kissing him while riding those waves of pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split this chapter into two because it was getting way too big. Sorry about not updating as often as I did but I barely have time to write anymore. A lot of work (ಠ_ಠ) 
> 
> But thanks for still reading and staying with me. This story is slowly coming to its end. We still have a few more chapters, but yeah...
> 
> PS: I did another thing ;) [(aka another drawing)](https://reylohasconsumedmysoul.tumblr.com/post/176484925314/now-listen-here-those-plump-wet-lips-she)  
> 


	26. Balance restored (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean... This is a pretty fast update, right? Here's part two for y'all!! Hope you like it <3 <3
> 
> Btw, **warning:** butt stuff. Lol.

They stayed united for a few moments trying to catch their breaths. Then Kylo pulled out and let Rey stand on her feet. Removing the condom and throwing it away, he grabbed her again and carried her to his bedroom. Rey let out a tiny chuckle. She couldn't believe she had come here to fight him and had ended up fucking him. And oh, fucking him so well. It reminded her of the beginning of their relationship -if she dared to even call it that. 

Kylo pulled a blanket over their half-naked bodies (he had removed his shirt by that time) even though they were both sweaty and hot. He nuzzled closer to his Rey, wrapping his arms around her torso, dipping his face into her neck, sniffing her scent combined with his. A hand traveled to her hair and caressed it, then grabbed it as if he were scared it would be the last time. His legs intertwined with hers as he started planting kisses all over the side of her face, her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder... Rey was feeling kind of sleepy after her orgasm, and usually so did Kylo, but this time it was like he wasn't satisfied. Like he would have her again right then. The thought woke up Rey, sending a tingling down her stomach, making her horny and craving more of his touch. 

_"Rey…"_

Her name was spoken with such a soft voice, she barely recognized it. It was accompanied with a hot breath hitting her behind her ear and a tremble of Kylo's limbs. That wasn't her name he was trying to say. 

Say it she thought. Say it, say it, please, say it.

He took a deep breath and just as Rey thought she had managed to telepathically connect with him, he just started kissing her. Rey choked on the sudden feeling that was overcoming her. She loved this man so much, she had realized, and she wanted to be loved by him. Maybe she shouldn't ruin something good that they had at that moment, but... If he would just explain. If he would just tell her he loved her back. 

She put her hands on his chest and pushed him back a little.

"Kylo," she whispered, and he immediately took a more worried look on his face. "What happened?" She saw as he did the thing with his jaw he always does in awkward situations. "What was with the texts? What is this?" 

Kylo lowered his gaze. "I- Rey I never meant to hurt you. This hasn't been easy for me either." 

"Then why did you do it? Did someone make you? Was it Hux?"

Kylo's eyes widened as they shot back to hers. He dearly hoped he wasn't blushing, for it would ruin all of his lyings. 

"No!" he exclaimed. "How did that even cross your mind?" 

Rey rolled her eyes. It seemed like she was getting a little annoyed- or impatient, he couldn't tell. "Well, he just showed up right after you ditched me, it doesn't get a genius to put one plus one together." 

Kylo clenched his jaw and shook his head. "No, this has nothing to do with him." He bit the inside of his cheek as he watched her reaction. She narrowed her eyes a bit, not seeming too convinced, yet played along with his lies. 

"Okay…" she mumbled. "Then what happened?" Chewing on her lip, she looked down between them in an almost ashamed way. "Do you not like me?" 

"I-" 

I do, Rey. I don't just like you. I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than all the people I've met in my life combined. I don't know what I would do without you. You are the only thing I need in this world to survive. You are my oxygen. You are my everything. 

_But…_

"Rey, it's not a matter of whether I like you or not. We still can't be together." 

She frowned. Was this what she wanted to hear? It was something of a confession, wasn't it? Yet… 

"Oh," she chocked out, looking away so that he couldn't see the tears that were starting to form. 

"Rey-" 

He tried to hold on, but she slipped out of his grasp and stood up, walking away. Kylo jumped off the bed and fell towards her, grabbing her thighs and burying his face in her naked legs. He cried out. 

"No, Rey, _please._ Stay. Just for tonight. Stay with me. _Rey."_

She looked down at him. What was his problem? For one, he tells her he likes her, then he tells her they can't be together, and now _this?_ She noticed as a tear jumped off her chin and dived into his dark hair. 

"You're insane!" she said with a cry. "I can't keep doing this with you!" 

Kylo's arms moved to the back of her ass, touching her and pulling her closer to him. "I know. I know, Rey. Just this night, stay with me. I will disappear from your life for good after that. I promise I'll leave you alone. Just…" He places his face again between her legs as he started kissing the inside of her thighs. And not just kissing. He was sucking her and liking her and definitely moving upwards. "Let me make you feel good tonight," he mumbled between kisses. "I can't have enough of you. Let me have you one last time. Let me make it good. Make it last. Please." 

His right hand moved between her legs right underneath her ass, his index and middle finger pressing on her cunt, his thumb buried in her buttcheeks. His lips got closer to where his hand was, Rey could feel his breath coming out of them, and she subconsciously pressed ahead, eager to feel them on her. Instead, she was met with a flick of his tongue. She shivered. 

That manipulative jerk! How would she -oh- how would she _ever_ get out of there when he acted like that? 

She dug her fingers in his hair and grabbed it with force, not pulling him closer, yet not away either. "Kylo- no. I-"

Before she could finish what she was saying, Kylo dipped his middle finger inside her. She gasped. He could see how her head fell back and her eyes closed, panting at the feeling. She was so wet. He could do this all day long. He could do this for the rest of his life. He moved his hand so that even more of his finger was inside her, and her grip in his hair got stronger. Just as his other finger was trying to join in, she pushing him forward, his face crushing with her wet cunt, her juices smearing all over his mouth. Oh, what a sweet torture!

He put her clit between his teeth and played with it with his tongue, following the rhythm of her moans. She was trying to speak, incomprehensible words falling out of her mouth like a waterfall. Until he bit her slightly too hard, and she gasped out. 

"Oh, I hate you!" she screamed. 

The words sent a shiver down Kylo's spine, his eyes rolling to the back of his head and his cock getting already hard again. He moaned against her cunt in response. Which made Rey even crazier into the feeling. She almost tore his hair out as she repeated the words. I hate you, I hate you I hate you. Each time sounding more and more incredulous. By the time she reached her first orgasm, she was saying it like a prayer. 

Kylo dragged his fingers out of her and he noticed how Rey leaned over, thinking it was over. It wasn't. He moved his hand back where it was initially, on her ass, sliding his wet two fingers between her cheeks. 

"Rey… can you open your legs for me, please?" 

Rey straightened her back and looked at him with frowned eyebrows. "Kylo, I've already come twice," she said. "I don't think-"

"Open your legs."

This time it didn't sound as polite as the first one. This time it was a demand. Bold of him to demand anything when he was on his knees in front of her. Yet Rey still did as she was told. Opening her legs just a little bit, she felt Kylo's fingers dipping further in, touching her anus gently and saw his face getting back closer to her sex. Something in her chest fluttered; something that could either be mistaken for arousal or nervousness. Or even both.

"Tell me to stop…" 

She more like _felt_ the words on her than heard them. She took a deep breath, then another one, noting how they were shaky and loud. And then-

"Don't." Kylo's eyes shot up, looking at her face through her pubic hair and her stomach. "Don't stop," she clarified. 

All at once, she felt his tongue dip into her and one of his fingers grazing her anus, opening it just enough for the tip to slid in. What was even happening? How could Rey tell what this felt like? It felt good yet like the embodiment of shame. Why did she feel so ashamed for liking this? 

"Ben…" she murmured, and Kylo's left hand grabbed her ass with force and dipped his finger further inside her, until it was halfway in. His teeth bit her clit, his tongue still on the slit of her cunt. "Ben… more…"

Without a warning, Kylo slapped her ass with his free hand, and she gasped. The pain distracted her enough for him to push his whole finger inside her and start moving it slightly. His tongue got back inside her from the front, and even though it was one of her favorite things in the world, she found herself unsatisfied. She found herself wanted more. _Needing_ more. 

"Kylo- fuck me. I want you to fuck me."

The man on his knees groaned. He immediately pulled away, retrieving both his mouth from her cunt and his finger from her ass. Rey suddenly felt empty, the build-up to something nice being gone, and she wondered whether she had made the right choice by speaking. His large hands grabbed the sides of her hips and spun her around. Rey yelped at the movement she wasn't expecting. She felt him put his right hand, wet with her juices, on the low of her back, making her bend over. Her face ended up on the wall, her palms flat on top for balance. And just as she opened her legs further for him, just as she waited for what she had asked, Kylo just slapped her one more time. 

"Not yet," his voice was barely audible over her cry. 

What type of monster! This was supposed to make her feel good, yet he refused to give her what she wanted? 

Before her brain even had time to form a coherent thought, she felt Kylo's tongue on her. But not where she was used to feeling it- no. She felt it where his finger was before. Rey let out a shaky breath, feeling her knees bend and her body weight getting impossible to hold. Kylo used his two hands to open her ass as much as he could, and then started licking her. His left arm wrapped around her belly and supported her -he could always somehow know when Rey needed help standing on her feet. 

Rey pressed her face on the wall with menace, her nose hurting until she turned and had her cheek on the cool cement. She rocked on it, gaining small scratches, while Kylo's finger returned inside her and moved in and out faster. The contact was lost suddenly, but before Rey could groan in complain, she felt it again. This time with two fingers. The arm that was wrapped around her drifted lower, his hand over her clit, rubbing her with the same rhythm as his fingers were fucking her ass. Rey felt the built up of her next orgasm, so strong it scared her. And it got worse as she felt his body moving over hers. It almost killed her when she felt his lips on her back, kissing her gently -such a contrast to the ferocity of his hands. And it completely ruined her when he bit down her shoulder.

Her hands, flushed on the wall, started sliding down due to the sweat. Her eyes closed, her mouth wide open and panting, her knees falling closer to the ground. Her mind a mess. The world at peace. 

"Now…" Kylo's deep voice filled the room as he got on his feet and withdrew his hands from Rey. "What was it that you wanted, love?" 

Rey smiled at the pet name. "Love?"

She still hadn't opened her eyes, so she didn't see him walk across the room. But she heard him. He opened up something, and she just assumed he was getting a condom. She rubbed her legs together in excitement and anticipation. 

"Yes," Kylo said. "Does that make you feel uncomfortable?"

Rey snorted. She had just let him put his fingers up her ass, did even the possibility of feeling uncomfortable around him ever again exist?

"No," she said.

Her eyes opened wide when she felt his palm on her hip -she hadn't realized he was back. He rubbed her gently and with the corner of her eye, she could see him, completely naked, with a curved smile on. 

"Can I call you my love, then?" he whispered. 

"Am I?" 

"Are you what?"

"Your love?" 

Kylo chewed on his bottom lip. He had avoided this for so long, and now, in the stupidest way, he had revealed the truth. But was there really a point to keeping it a secret anymore? He had already promised he would leave her alone after this. This was probably not just the last time they would be intimate together, but also even the last time they would see each other. Did he really want to go without having said the words aloud?

"Rey…" he whispered and bent over her form. 

His hands caressed the sides of her torso until his right one reached under her chin. He grabbed it and turned her face further to the side. Bending even more, he kissed her. His lips moving in slow motions, hers opening up, his tongue dipping inside and wrapping around hers. Rey moaned against his mouth and pressed back, her ass on his dick. He moaned back. Then he broke the kiss and looked her in the eyes. She was staring back expectingly. 

"Rey," he repeated. "I do love you." He felt her shiver under his touch. "I hope you know I do." 

"Kylo-" she tried speaking, but he kissed her again. By the time he pulled back, Rey looked like she had forgotten what they were talking about.

"What did you say you wanted before?"

Rey dipped her head between her palms on the wall and sighed. "You." 

Getting a handful of her hair, Kylo pushed her head slightly back, until her face was visible again and he could hear her better. "What was that?" 

"I want you to fuck me, Kylo."

"Hmm." The man grabbed his dick and moved it up and down on Rey's slit, slowly, teasing her. Torturing her. He was hard and aching, and for his age, he couldn't believe how soon that had happened. "What _exactly_ do you want?" 

Rey moaned and bit her lips. "I want your cock inside me. I want you to pull my hair back and fuck me hard. I want you to come inside me." 

Kylo's breathing changed altogether. "You want me… to fuck you raw?" 

_"Yes."_

Rey had started taking contraceptive pills ever since the incident in the classroom, where they hadn't used protection. She still took them while they were apart because she couldn't stop fantasizing about bumping into him in a dark corridor at the University at a moment neither of them was carrying any condoms. But she was still scared and used other means of protection. Until now.

She heard him take off the condom he had put on. "Are you sure?" he spoke softly. 

"Kylo, yes, I'm sure. Now, _please_ \-- Oh!"

Kylo thrust inside her with force, again and again. He did grab her hair again, as she asked, and pulled it back until her face was next to his. He then bit her neck and started sucking on it. Rey was moaning and screaming like they were the only people left on Earth. He was going strong for longer than usual, his sweat dripping from his forehead and falling on Rey's back to meet her own. He felt Rey come for one more time before he was anywhere near his own orgasm. He felt her become a boneless mass of limbs under him, still holding her pose only because he was fucking her so fast she didn't have time to fall. And then-

"Kylo?" Rey whispered, her right hand moving blindly to the back and caressing his hair. He groaned in response. "I love you, too." 

Kylo gasped, his head falling back and his hips jerking forward. And then Rey did a similar thing, as she felt his seed spilling inside her. Warm and filling her up. 

"Oh my God Rey…" Kylo panted. He kissed her shoulder and her cheek. "You do?" His voice almost cracked. 

Rey arched her back until her body was one with his. "I do, Kylo. I love you so much." 

He pulled out and she felt his fluids dripping out of her cunt and down her thighs. Kylo fell on his knees next to her and pulled her in a hug. A real tight hug. It took her some time to realize he was crying. Feeling a knot in her throat, she ran her hands up and down his back, squeezing him as close as she could. But she couldn't stop her own tears building in her eyes. 

"I will never forgive myself for everything I've done to you, Rey," Kylo chocked out. "I don't deserve your love." 

Rey nuzzled her face closer to his, her cheek on his chin. "I have already forgiven you. Because I love you, and I mean it. I always have." 

He pulled away slightly and looked at her. His eyes were red, his whole face wet, his lips swollen. He pressed his forehead against hers. 

"Rey, I loved you since the first day I saw you. But I only realized after the concert." 

She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him even closer. "I know. I feel it too." 

And she kissed him again. All of him. His love, his struggles, his mistakes, his grief. She wanted all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I want you guys to tell me what you thought about the smut, about them finally expressing their love and if *drumroll* you think this is indeed their last time!


	27. Life was just too good lately so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... Warning? Language? Violence? Oh, who am I kidding this is what you guys are here for lmao

"What's that?"

Kylo jumped slightly from his seat. He smashed his laptop closed as fast as he could and spun around to look at-

"Hux." 

The ginger man stood right beside Kylo, the only other man in the room. He smiled widely and pointed at the laptop. "Was that a resignation letter?"

"No!" Kylo barked. 

Hux's grin got wider. "It was, wasn't it! Ben Organa Solo… are you leaving?"

If you haven't seen a wild animal ready to attach its prey before, you might not understand what Kylo looked like at that moment. Jaw, fists, clenched. Brow, furrowed. Breathing, shallow. Eyes, unblinking.

"Oh, Ben… why are you leaving us?" Hux started laughing.

"It's none of your business!" Kylo spat out.

"Oh, really?" He raised an eyebrow. "And here I thought I had everything to do with you quitting." 

Kylo stood suddenly up, making the chair scratch the floor as it was drawn back. But Hux didn't look intimidated. At all.

"Oh, I see. Your plan is to punch me _again_ and then leave the country, is it not?" 

The longer Kylo stayed silent, the more Hux was laughing loudly. 

"Good thinking. Go on, then," Hux tried to stay still, something that was pretty hard due to him laughing too much. "Oh no, wait!" He put his hand on his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He tapped something on it and then the distinct _bleep_ of a video being recorded was heard. He carefully placed his phone on the counter next to them so that it was filming them. He turned back to Kylo and smiled. "Now you can go."

Kylo eyed the phone, his left eye twitching. For a split second, he thought about breaking it and then breaking the man before him. But he just bit his lips, grabbed his laptop and walked away. Pushing Hux with his shoulder while doing so, of course. 

"Yeah- good riddance!" Hux called after him. "Kyle Ron."

***

Poe looked up when he heard the knocking on the door. He immediately frowned. He wasn't friends with Kylo; they barely even talked. Especially after Rey had broken up with Hux. But apparently they were getting closer every day since everything went to hell between Kylo and Rey. 

"Hey bud," Poe spoke. "What's eating you today?" 

Honestly, he had never seen Kylo looking worse than he did at that moment. Dirty clothes, dark circles under his eyes, messy hair. 

"I'm weak," Kylo spoke with the lowest voice Poe had ever heard. 

"Weak? Do you mean physically or-" 

The tall man stumbled inside the office and drugged a chair closer to him. He let his body fall on it, his arms hanging from the sides, his head disappearing behind his chest. 

"I'm weak Poe!" he said a little louder. "I can't be- I can't just leave Rey alone. I see her, I wanna have her. I can't stay the fuck away from her for her own sake!" 

Poe gulped. He turned off his laptop, deciding he wouldn't be doing any more work and leaned closer to Kylo to devote his full attention to him. "What happened?" he asked. 

Kylo brought a hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We slept together..."

"What?" Poe slightly jumped from his chair. "Dude! No! What if Hux finds out? He's going to end both of you!" 

"I know…"

"And- and Rey! You're just giving her hope and she's only going to go through heartbreak _again_ dude. She's going to think you're getting back together." 

"No… I know…" 

"You have to stay away from her. We talked about this."

"I know!"

"Does she know?" 

Kylo finally raised his head to look at Poe. "I haven't told her anything. But she has mostly figured it out." 

Poe snorted. "Of course she would! Now that she knows it wasn't your fault for walking away." 

"I'm sorry…" 

"She's going to turn Hux down and he will immediately blame it on you, don't you think?" 

Kylo stood up, throwing his hands on the air. "I said I know. And that I'm sorry. But what did you want me to do? I told you- I'm fucking weak!" 

Poe closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He laid back on his chair, his eyes darting around the room as if he was reading and invisible text. 

"How did it happen?" 

Kylo looked away like he was going to start crying. He slowly sat back down. "She came to my place. She wanted answers." 

"Okay… and how did that lead to you guys sleeping together? Did you just tell her the truth?" 

"No…" Poe mentioned to him to go on. "I just kissed her when she said Hux was out of town." 

The man on the other end of the desk grunted. "You really are weak." He shook his head, letting the silence fall over the room for a couple of minutes. "What are we going to do now?" he spoke again.

Kylo bit his lower lip. 

"We have to tell her, no?" Poe said. Kylo looked at him with a surprised look. "Come on dude, you screwed up. There is no reason for her not to know now." 

"Don't you think she will-"

"Yes, I do." Poe sighed. "But what else can we fucking do? This story has gotten too messed up- you should have just changed classes from the beginning. But it's too late for that now." 

"Look…" Kylo bit his lip one more time, exhaling and fluttering his eyes closed. "I- I have another plan." 

Poe raised an eyebrow. "I'm all ears." 

 

***

Friday's class of Civil and Environmental Engineering was charged with a weird energy. And not just for Rey; she was certain the other students were looking at Professor Solo with narrowed eyes every now and then, too. The way he lectured; different. 

Pinky swear- Rey did nothing to tease him that day. 

But he did keep looking her way. Maybe it was because of the other night. Maybe he had decided to tell her everything and get back together with her. 

Kylo started walking around the auditorium, passing around some graded papers. He never did that, always choosing to just leave them on his desk and tell the students to collect them themselves. And he took his time. He stopped at almost every student to tell them something personally, sometimes even whisper in their ear. Something that whenever happened to a girl, Rey bit the inside of her cheek and let her right foot tremble. Not that she was jealous or anything…

Her handsome professor arrived at her seat last. He looked straight into her eyes as he placed the paper on her desk. Then he lingered for a couple of seconds. A sad look on his face. For the first time that day Rey considered that he was acting weird, not because he was getting back with her, but because he was ending things for good. 

She shook her head slightly, the air in her lungs rebelling and making her almost choke. 

"See me afterward?" Kylo asked.

Rey still couldn't breathe. Was that good or bad?

Kylo let the corner of his lips turn up into an almost smile. And then he turned around. 

Well… things were already as bad as they could get. So how could this be even worse? They were already apart, so he couldn't be breaking up with her. He couldn't physically get pregnant, so that wasn't it either. Maybe someone found out about them? 

Whatever it was, Rey wasn't in a rush to live it. After class, she met Finn, just like she had planned beforehand. She told him about Kylo wanting to see her. 

"What? Peanut, no!" Finn reacted. "Did you forget how bad he treated you?" 

Rey rolled her eyes. "It's- it's more complicated than that. What if it's important? What if it's good news?" 

Finn shook his head. "It won't be. Not good news the way you think." 

"How are you so sure?" Rey chewed on her lip, leaning over her salad to whisper to him. "Look… I know now that- well that he didn't really want things to go this way."

Her best friend raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Rey could feel her cheeks blushing. "I… I saw him the other night." 

She had never seen Finn's eyes get so widened. "Rey! What did you do?" He grabbed her by the cheeks and brought her face closer than she would like. "Does Hux know?" 

"Aha!" Rey exclaimed, breaking off his hold on her and straightening her back. "So he _is_ behind all this! I knew it!"

Finn sighed and motioned to her to keep her voice low. "No Rey, it's more dangerous than you think."

And, more or less, he told her everything. How Kylo had shared with Poe and him what had really happened, what Hux's motives were, how it was killing him. And by the end, Rey…. Well, Rey just laughed. 

"You! Oh, you guys!" She kept chuckling, ignoring how Finn looked mortified. 

"Rey…" he mumbled. "I'm serious. It's true." 

She wiped away some tears that had managed to escape her eyes. "I know. I believe you. Well- the part about Plutt leaving me his inheritance is the most difficult to believe, but anyway." 

Finn frowned. He looked right and left as if checking to make sure no one was listening. "And… and why are you laughing?" 

"You guys are making a huge deal out of nothing!" 

"What?"

"Like… I'm just going to dump Hux for good. He can't force me to be with him. Also, Kylo and I have been keeping our relationship a secret from so many people for so long… one more person isn't going to hurt anyone." 

Finn rubbed his forehead. "I don't think this is a good idea, peanut." 

Rey took a deep breath. "Here's the thing: I love Kylo. And if it means I have to wait months until I get him, or even risk my degree, I don't care. I'll do it." She stood up, grabbing her bag and getting ready to leave. "I'm gonna go see him this evening. See what he wanted to tell me. And then I'm going to tell him I know everything." She fixed her hair as if Kylo had suddenly walked in the cafeteria and she was nervous about looking good. "Even if we can't be together yet, he has to know I'll wait for him for as long as needed." 

And then she left. Attending the rest of her classes and going back to her dorm room to shower and change. It was already getting dark when she took the bus to Kylo's place. Excitement creeping into her system like a storm. She could already feel her panties getting soaking wet. After their last fucking session, she had remembered why she felt like she couldn't survive without him. Should she be mad he hadn't told her anything? But he was trying to _protect_ her. 

Oh, well. They could have sex and then they would talk it out. 

In the state her mind was, she totally missed her stop. She got off at the stop she used to back when she was dating Hux. It was maybe a five-minute walk to Kylo's apartment, but that actually worked perfectly; she needed to get some energy out of her. 

She arrived. Knocked on the door. Rang the doorbell. Why wasn't he answering? He must have been back already. Was he-

"He's not here."

Rey let out a shriek at the sound of the man's voice behind her. She quickly turned around, almost out of breath, to see Hux standing a few feet away from her with a serious look on his face. 

"Hux," she exhaled, and it was something between a question and an exclamation. 

"I saw you when you passed in front of my apartment."

Great. She had completely forgotten that he lived a couple of streets away. So, had he followed her there? The thought was even creepier than the way he looked in the dark in general. 

"Oh," she just said, stepping away from the door, as if pretending she wasn't about to break in. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Rey bit her upper lip. "Do you know when Kylo is going to be back?" She ignored his previous question.

The ginger man rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's going to take a while, I'd say, considering he moved out." 

Rey blinked. _"What?"_

"He was filling out his resignation letter yesterday. There were trucks all over this road this morning."

"But…" Rey mumbled, lowering her gaze to the ground, and then towards the door. 

She peeked in through the window, trying to see anything. Any furniture. Anything that would prove Kylo was still living there. Or, perhaps, any proof he ever did.

If Finn hadn't told her everything that very day, she would have immediately assumed he had broken up with her because he was planning on leaving. But who could even say he had told Finn the truth? Then again, why not tell _her?_ Why not spend the few weeks they still had together? She was so ready to follow him wherever he went, all he had to do was ask. 

"But what about Monday?" she finally spoke, looking at Hux again. "We have a class with him." 

Hux raised his eyebrows high and pressed his lips together. Then he let out a short laugh. "Yes well, funny thing is that I'll be replacing him." 

_He?_ Rey not only had to stand him all day long, she now had to spend her classes with him, too? She almost fainted on the spot. She had been so kind to him up to that point, always afraid of the possibility that he was the good one. That she would be wronging him. Yet now she knew the truth. At that moment she just wanted to scream at him. She had had enough. Enough! 

After all, this would be a great opportunity to just...

"So then you should forget about the two of us getting back together, get it? We legally can't, and just so you know, Hux, I don't want to, either. This is a good time as any for you to leave me alone." She moved to leave, and just as she was in front of him, she added: "Hanging out as friends is over, too. We can't be seen like that now that you're my professor. _Goodbye."_

It would be the perfect moment to walk away and never talk to him again. A perfect moment, filled with courage and pride and the feeling that anything was possible. But just as a small smile started appearing on Rey's lips, Hux grabbed her arm and brought her to an abrupt stop. 

"What were you doing here, Rey?" he asked again, his voice sounding like he was struggling to keep calm, coming through his teeth. 

Rey started to free her arm, and even though she managed, she stayed put. Staring into his eyes with what she hoped to be a fiery look. He already knew about Kylo and her, so there was no way he didn't know why she was outside his apartment at this hour. So what was he implying? Did he want to scare her? Well, she had an asset: that no one knew she just _knew_ about everything.

"So it was true…" he mumbled. 

"What do you want?" she hissed. 

Rey felt a hand wrapping around her neck before she even saw it, stumbling back and being pressed to the wall. Hux leaned into her face, squeezing her neck in a way she couldn't breathe and it was hurting her. He snarled.

"Don't you _fucking_ tell me we can't legally be together when you've been fucking your professor for the past three months!" 

Rey tried to break his hold on her, but her hands were weak. She just ended up slapping his arms slightly, as she begged for a breath. Her eyes started spilling tears and feeling like they were going to pop out of her skull. Her knees bent, she would have fallen if he wasn't holding her with such strength. For a second, his grip slackened, and Rey drunk in as much air as she could- because her life literally depended on it. But it was all abruptly forced out of her lungs as he hit her on the wall again. 

Panic. _Panic._

"You are _mine_ , Rey!" the man spat out next to her ears, as he peeled her off the wall and hit her back on it again. "You belong to me!" 

Feeling generous, he released her throat and let her fall to her knees and gasp. She screamed out as she let the oxygen swim into her veins again, panting and coughing, honestly thinking she was still going to die. It didn't feel like breathing. It felt like choking. Staring at Hux's shoes, she let her hands touch the ground and gave herself a few seconds for her lungs to adjust.

And then she grabbed his legs and, with a quick motion, brought him to the ground. 

"What did you just say, you dipstick?" 

Straddling the man, she raised her fist high and landed it right on his jaw. She could see his skin jiggle. Hux tried to grab her, but she just adjusted her pose so that she was sitting on his arms and he couldn't move. Oh, Rey had done this a million times before! So many potential parents had turned her down when she was in the system exactly because she was getting into fights too often and couldn't be stopped. Well, who's "uncivilized" now?

She punched him one more time, on his cheek. "I don't fucking owe you anything, you arsehole. You incompetent fuckface! And I don't belong to anyone! Fucking prat!" 

With the last contact that her fist had with his face, she saw blood running down his nose. That was enough. She stood up and straightened her clothes. Hux seemed to be unable to get up. Or move, for that matter. Just making a very annoying, static sound that resembled a wild animal's scream of pain. 

Rey spat on him. "You should wait for the call from the Dean with my complains, _Professor."_

And then she walked away, leaving him right where he deserved to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title for this chapter: the one where Hux just creeps up behind everyone.
> 
> Hey, don't fight Rey! She's going to destroy you, my cute little angry peanut! (ง'̀-'́)ง
> 
> If you felt good reading about Rey punching Hux let me see your hands!!
> 
> Alternate alternate title: the one where Rey finally founds out but muahaha things still aren't good. 
> 
> Oh btw this story is getting so close to the end. Like, I don't know if we're even going to make it to chapter 30 lol
> 
> Comment below where you think Kylo has gone <3 I LOVE READING YOUR THEORIES


	28. The path to the lonely side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! Really sorry I couldn't update earlier but the truth is I went through a breakup and then had to pack some things because I'm going to be moving out in a while. So... Yeah. It was really nice to actually find some time and write, actually. I know the chapter is pretty small, but I did my best lol

The moment Chalandria was visible from the airplane window, Kylo started silently crying. That was it; gone and never going back. There was an 80-year-old man next to him who looked at the 6 foot 3 grown ass man weeping with a distaste. Kylo almost picked up a fight with him. He couldn't possibly know what he was going through! Plus, it's not that hard for people to mind their own business every now and then. 

But perhaps the old man was a bit right; there were so many reasons for Kylo not to cry. He was moving to a nicer city. He had a better job with great pay and the ability to take his career to the next level. He was away from everyone he disliked or caused him trouble. A new, clean start. But dear God did Kylo not care about any of that!

All he cared about was her. 

He owned very few things and so moving into his new apartment didn't prove to be a huge challenge for him. He was done by the evening and had nothing better to do than take a walk through the famous roads of Chalandria since the University would already be closed. But… had there always been so many couples on the streets or did they only just appear to taunt him? Was this what Chalandria was beside the city of sciences? The city of lovers? Scoffing at every girl that looked the slightest like Rey, Kylo wandered the city center until he ended up on a bench, seriously fighting off a new urge to bawl his eyes out. How long was it supposed to take until he was filling okay again? Days? Months? Years?

Probably forever.

If he had only- oh, if he had only talked to her before leaving, this would have been a lot different. He had asked her to see him but she never showed up anywhere. Apparently, she just didn't return the interest of seeing him. He had this plan, this speech prepared in his head. He would tell her everything. About Hux, Plutt… everything. Tell her he loved her a million times. And that if the road ever took her to Chalandria he would be doing nothing but waiting for her. 

How had he reached this point? All because he got drunk one night and kissed a girl that got on his nerves.

And now he had two choices: either go back to his new _home_ -ugh, he couldn't even call it that- or go pay the visit he needed to. Considering that in the emotional state he was in it was extremely dangerous for him to be alone in his apartment, perhaps he should get this over with the visit first. So, Kylo found himself taking the subway and then walking right outside the door. He took a couple of deep breaths. Perhaps it was stupid of him to just show up like that. He knocked. Perhaps the only stupid thing was that he hadn't done it in years.

The door slightly opened and-

"Ben!" his mother cried out, falling right on her son's arms. It was impulsive, she knew he wasn't fond of hugging. Yet she acted before she could think strategically. She pulled away. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy to see you here! Come on in, come on!" Placing her palm on his back, Leia led her son in the hall. She turned her head and looked at the open door for a few seconds without closing it. "Is anyone else coming?" she asked.

Kylo gulped. He looked at his mother over his shoulder, fully aware she was talking about the young girl she had met during New Year's Eve. He shook his head. The look Leia gave him… well, it wasn't exactly disappointed. But it was close. She motioned to him to keep going until they reached the living room.

Kylo looked around the room realizing he didn't recognize it. So many years had it been since he stood where he did on that moment. His mother offered to make some tea and informed him that his father was out for some business and would be back later. Not that Kylo was dying to see him. Wasn't it obvious enough who was his favorite parent of the two? Then they sat together and talked about what Leia thought were general things, avoiding asking about Rey. What she didn't know was that apparently everything had to do with her. How was work? Rey… How was his friend, Hux? Hmm… Rey. What was he doing in Chalandria? Rey, Rey, Rey.

One lie too many and Leia suddenly had enough. 

"Sweetie…" She touched her son under his chin hesitantly, as if he were a wild animal that gets spooked easily. "Your father will be back in a while. So why don't you tell me what is really going on before he does?" 

Right. Always such a strategic mind. She knew he needed to share something and that he would never do it in front of Han. What a great way to get him to open up. And it almost worked.

"What do you mean?" Kylo looked away and sipped his tea. 

"I mean that for you to be here the whole world must be on fire, sweetheart." 

Snorting, rolling his eyes… Kylo admitted she was right. But- "I'm here because this is where I live now." 

With a lightning-fast glance, he saw his mother's eyebrows rise high up. "Why?" she asked with a strong tone in her voice. 

He sighed. And then one more time. "I was offered a job here in the University of-"

"What was wrong with your old job?" 

Kylo frowned. He finally looked her in the eyes again. She couldn't possibly be asking this. She was fully aware that Chalandria's research program was one of the best in the world. So he saw reflected in her eyes the true question she was asking. 

He sighed again. "Leia… You clearly just want to ask about Rey so why don't you-"

"Okay," she interrupted him. "What happened with the girl? Because you might think you're smooth and all that and that you would put your career before anything else, but I know you. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo. When you find love then everything else comes second for you. And I did like the girl I met, so tell me why you let her go and moved across the country?" 

A lone tear ran down Kylo's cheek. His mother's words just struck a little too close to home. He jumped up and threw his arms in the air. 

"For God's sake, mom. It's not like I wanted this."

In a heartbeat, they both realized he hadn't called Leia like that since he was a kid. So now he was feeling all kinds of different types of anxiety filling him up. Opening his mouth to say something, he turned to look at her. She had gotten up too and placed her hands carefully on his shoulders. 

"Of course you didn't, honey. I know. This is why I'm asking why you did it. What happened?" 

Leading him to sit back down, Leia purred some more tea and waiting for her son to tell her everything. By that moment there was no holding back. There was no lying. I have never felt this way about anyone before didn't feel wrong to say. I wouldn't mind committing murder if it was Hux that I was murdering was about just the same amount of truth. By the time the sun rises I might not be alive was difficult to admit to a mother, but needed to be said. 

There was silence. Leia got up and paced around the room with her head bowed and her hand between her teeth. The tea got cold. The deadly shame that was hovering above Kylo left him. He almost forgot what was going on. He almost felt relaxed for a second. 

Then his father came into the house. 

"Ben!" he choked out. He took a couple of steps closer, perhaps wanting to hug his son, but contained himself. "What a pleasant surprise!" he said instead, taking off his coat and hanging it. He walked right in front of them, put his hands on his hips and looked at them, trying to realize what was going on.

Kylo turned and looked at Leia. A look begging her not to say anything in front of the man. And she definitely recognized it. Yet she still didn't care. 

"So?" she began as Han took a seat across his son. "Isn't money what Hux wants? Then money is what he is going to get." 

Even though Kylo hated being told he looked like Han, at that moment they had never looked more alike. Both of them surprised. Both of them confused. A frown and an open mouth that was apparently inherited. 

"You want to bribe him?" Kylo said with a breath. 

"What is this?" Han chimed in. "Who is Hux? Is he giving you trouble?" Then he said the next thing quieter. "Do you want me to take him out of the picture?" 

The young man shivered. Shook his head to get that feeling off his body. Sure, his father was an aviator, but he also assorted with people that didn't have the best of reputations. Causing lots and lots of scandals for his mother. Sometimes he failed to remember that. 

"No, Han-" Kylo put a finger up to kind of warn him to be quiet. Then he turned back to his mother. "What do you mean? Do you honestly think that giving Hux some money would stop him from ruining Rey and me? Or, better yet, how much money do you think it would take to silence him for even a couple of months? Millions?" 

Leia shook her head, almost laughing. "No, sweetie. Hux just wants to have a higher place in this world. He thinks owning stuff is the only way to do that. And I mean, he's not wrong. He is incapable of succeeding in any other way. That is unless he decides to get involved with politics," Leia chuckled. It was pretty weird to hear a politician joke about their own profession. 

"I don't know what you're suggesting." 

Leia rolled her eyes. "It's not that difficult, honey. Just give him the job you were offered here." 

Kylo almost jumped back. He opened his mouth-

"You were offered a job here?" Han asked excitedly. 

"Yes, sweetheart. It's a long story. I'll tell you later, okay?" Leia said. "Now could you please let me speak to Ben alone for a moment?" 

Han simply nodded. He gave his wife a kiss and walked away. The moment he was out of sight, Kylo walked closer to Leia and started shouting in a whispering voice. 

"What do you mean? I can't just- the University won't- Hux would-"

"Ben!" Leia shook him out of it. "I can arrange everything. The University will agree to take Hux instead of you and you can go back home- your real home." Kylo looked away, trying to think about all of it for a moment. "Plus," Leia continued, "you can't work with J. J. Binks, he gets awfully annoying after a while." 

Kylo chuckled. It started off being because of the joke and ended up just being nervous laughter due to the situation. He ran his hand through his hair and noticed a couple of tears swelling up and blocking his view. 

"As much as I would love having you here, darling, I know this isn't the place for you," Leia spoke again. 

"Do you think that could work?" Kylo asked. He leaned forward until his face was on the same level as Leia's and looked at her with fear and excitement in his eyes, trying to suppress a tiny smile. "How would you get him to agree not to do anything to us?" 

Leia placed her palm carefully on her son's cheek and stroked it. "Don't worry about anything, my child. I'll take care of that." 

Pressing his lips together, Kylo leaned into the touch. "How will I ever repay you?" 

Leia chuckled. "Seeing you happy is reward enough for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... A few of you guessed he was going to his parents, yay! What do you think of these turn of events? And do you think the plan will work? 
> 
> Always happy to read your comments!!


	29. So this is how our troubles die... With thunderous applause

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to apologize in advance for any mistakes that might be in this chapter. I haven't edited it at all lmao. I know I have taken too long to update so I'm just uploading this right after I finish writing it. I'll probably just try to edit it later, sorry lol
> 
> Also sorry it took me so long to write this. I just I was going through some kind of writer's block, even though I knew exactly what I needed to write. But I made it long to make it up to you guys!

Seeing Hux walk into class on Monday with his face all beat up was the most satisfying thing Rey had witnessed. He had bruises on his cheekbones and cuts on his lips and nose. His eyes never drifted higher than the first couple of rows of students and his voice sounded broken. It was nearly impossible to hold that smile that was creeping on Rey's face. But then again, she didn't try to. 

"Dear God! You really did kick his ass, Rey," Rose said in a low voice, hugging Rey's arm and staring at the man in question.

Rey had asked her roommate to join her on this course for multiple reasons. For example, in case Hux had the fine idea of talking to her. Or just so that she could see her accomplishment. Rey smirked. 

"Are you really going to go to the Dean for this?" Rose asked. 

Rey shook her head. "No… Do you really think he wouldn't tell on me if I did that? I just wanted to scare him. You know, he has something to threaten me, I have something to threaten him back." 

Rose nodded. "Right. You're so right."

The class that day was probably the worst Rey had ever attended. But that was also the case for Hux. The whole time he just kept glancing at the clock and wishing he was anywhere but in that classroom. How would he ever get with Rey, now? Feeling utterly defeated, he returned to his office afterward so that he could plot what he thought would be his revenge. But his plans were interrupted by an email. An email from the University of Chalandria. 

Hux almost fell off his chair. 

Was this even real? How could the timing get any better than this? He needed to get away- that was the perfect escape plan. And looking at the benefits, well, he thought he could actually stay in that job. The only thing he had to consider was the fact that he could lose Rey if he moved across the country. And he did consider it. For about three seconds. Then he jumped up and went home to pack.

Tuesday morning, Hux was standing outside of the campus. Outside his new workplace. And it was huge, and old, and elegant. Filled you with a sense of achievement just by standing in front of it. Smelled like fulfillment. It was a little difficult to find the office he needed, but it didn't take him too long. Standing right in front of the door, he straightened his suit and ran his fingers through his hair. He gently touched his wounds, wishing they weren't immediately visible. He had contemplated wearing some makeup to cover them up that morning but decided it was too girly for a man like him. Ugh. 

"Come on in, doctor Hux," a woman's voice was heard behind the door the moment he knocked on it. 

The ginger man frowned momently. He pushed the door open. The room was flirting with light colors and state-of-the-art furniture. Right across from him there was a large desk and a young woman sitting behind it. Her hair was blonde and tied up in two small, intricate buns. She raised her eyebrows in a bored way and played with her lips, as she fixed her name on her desk. K. Ko Connix.

"Hello," Hux spoke. "Nice to meet you." 

The woman started moving her chair in a semicircle and beckoned to the chair in front of her desk. "Sit down Armitage," she said dryly. "Can I call you Armitage?" 

Hux gulped and moved to sit down. "I actually would rather that-"

"Good," Connix interrupted him. "Let's get this over with, shall we?" She pulled out a few papers from a drawer and placed them in front of the man. "You already know the deal. This is a seven-year contract but you can renew it in year five. Let me read the fine print for you: you cannot break this contract before the seven years. If you are ready, you sign here, here and here." 

The corner of Hux's mouth lifted up in a half-smile. He picked up the pen handed to him and got ready to sign. But right as the tip of the pen touched the paper, a hand stopped him. He gave the long, slim fingers decorated with rings a glance, and then he looked up at Connix again. She was grinning. 

"One more condition," she whispered. "Before you sign this, you have to destroy anything controversial that you may have on Professor Benjamin Organa Solo." 

Hux stopped breathing. His mouth open, he tried to remove his hand but found it impossible, the young woman gripping it too forcefully. "How-" he finally exhaled. 

Connix narrowed her eyes. She hadn't seemed more interested in this man since he walked in the office. "Do you deny that you have such footage?"

"How do you know?" Hux choked out, finally freeing his hand. 

The girl chuckled. "Didn't that job offer seem a little too good for you, Armitage?" She paused to see his facial expressions change and inhale all the satisfaction it gave her. "Does it really matter how I know or why I want this? Do you want this or not? Trust me, this is the best thing that will ever happen to you in your life. You poor, little thing. This is as good as it gets for you. So either let go of your frangible plan that will never work anyway and get your dream job or go be petty and sad back on Jakku."

Hux took a deep breath. He should have seen this coming. But then again, how could he? He dug his fingers on the incredibly comfortable chair he was sitting on as he thought about his choices. Did he really care that much about Rey? Or Kylo? This job would open up so much more for him. Maybe what he really needed was to just not see either of their faces ever again. 

He took out his phone. 

"Wait," Connix said. "I want to see." 

Hux rolled his eyes but tilted the phone so that the girl could see what he was doing. He scrolled down to where the photos were, and selecting all of them, he deleted them. Switching off his phone again, he picked up his pen and-

Connix snatched the papers from him. "Ts-ts-ts… Did you really think I wouldn't know you have copies of that? Delete them all."

Hux growled. Opening up his case, he took out his laptop and deleted the pictures from there, too. But Connix still wouldn't let him sign the contract. He begged, and swore, until he pulled out some printed copies of the photos. He handed them to her. And finally, Connix gave him the contract. But right before he sighed she said, with the calmest voice:

"Just so you know, we are going to start a fire in your apartment just so that we can make sure there is no chance anything survives."

Hux shivered. He gulped. "No, no! _Please_. I don't have anything else,  I swear!"

Connix raised an eyebrow. The man kept crying and sweating and flopping on his chair desperately. Until she let him go. Without any promises. Stumbling out of the office, Hux grabbed his head and his chest, wondering how he had survived. Perhaps he had made the wrong choice. Or perhaps everything would be over soon.

***

Of all the people that could have knocked on her door, Amilyn Holdo definitely didn't expect Ben Solo. She frowned at him. 

"So let me get this straight… You left me your resignation letter on Friday, and now you want to take it back?" 

Kylo chewed on his bottom lip. "Yeah?" 

Holdo sighed. "Okay, look. You already know that you are one of our best here, so of course we would have you back. Plus, Hux quit this morning, too, so we could really use you right now. But I need to ask you, as a friend, Ben, and excuse my language but… what the fuck?"

Kylo let out a chuckle. "It just didn't work out." He raised his shoulders with an innocent smile. 

Holdo smiled back. "Alright, I guess you'll tell me another time. Now, I hope you don't mind, but until we can find someone to replace Hux, you might have to do some more work."

Kylo nodded. Anything. Anything to be with his Rey. And that reminded him… 

"Okay, but I would like to make a request concerning the Civil and Environmental Engineering class." 

The woman raised an eyebrow as she breathed in slowly. "I see," she said with a smile. 

Kylo could feel his sweat dripping from the back of his neck. He clenched his fists and then rubbed his palms on his thighs. He needed to do this. In fact, he should have done this ages ago. 

"There is this student-"

Amilyn started laughing. "Of course there is," she said between her chuckles. "There's always a student. You would be surprised to know how many times I hear this stuff. And honestly, with a man like you, Ben-" she paused to look him up and down, "-I was beginning to wonder how this hadn't happened yet." 

Kylo frowned. "So you're not…" Not what? What was the academic, appropriate term for this? Pressing his lips together, he continued: "Mad?" 

Holdo chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll see what I can do about it. What is her name?" 

For an unknown reason, Kylo's heartbeat sped up to twice as fast. He started breathing faster, too. Everything seemed okay, the whole deal fixed, so he wasn't sure why he felt so scared. Maybe it was just the innate need to protect his loved one. 

"Re- Rey. Johnson," he forced himself to say. 

Holdo just smiled at him. Perhaps that trip to this office was one of the most difficult ones he had to make, but after he got out, he felt like a different man. A happy man. Because he could go to his _girlfriend_ , and actually call her that. And not worry about people knowing about them. They could go back to being great. Better than great. He could have her for himself and everyone could know that the most beautiful girl on campus was his. He needed a new apartment- he could get one with her. Oh, he could make sweet love to her all the time that they weren't apart. And they wouldn't be apart that much. 

He cleared his throat. He needed to calm himself down a bit or he would just propose to her right then. 

He walked -well, more than jogged- to her dorm room and knocked on the door about ten times due to the excitement.

"Alright, alright!" He heard Rose say from the other side of the door. "I'm coming! Jesus…" 

Just a second later, the door was open, and the short girl was looking up at him with her mouth wide open. 

"Profe-"

"Where is Rey?" Kylo blurted out. Rose was silent. "Look," he ran his hands through his hair, "I was stupid enough to change my phone number and delete hers before I knew what I was doing. So I can't really just _call_ her-"

"Oh," a sweet voice was heard from deep inside the room. "So that's why I haven't been able to reach you." 

His legs almost gave up on holding his weight. His mouth trembling, a smile appeared slowly on his face and he pushed Rose away before he could remember how to be polite. And there she was. His love. His one and only Rey, lying on her bed and studying a book. Her cheeks looked like they were on fire, her long lashes flashed under her eyebrows as her sparkling eyes were peering into her tall, handsome professor. She let her book fall on the mattress. 

"I'll… I'll leave you alone now," Rose said and creeped out of the room carefully. 

The moment the door was closed, Rey jumped up and Kylo ran to her. He cupped her cheeks, maniacally trying to get her hair out of her face and to keep his tears from spilling at the same time. It proved to be so difficult when his heart was racing and his body looking like it was having a panic attack. 

"Rey! Rey I-"

"I know, I know," Rey sobbed as she placed her hand over his on her cheek. She leaned into his touch, staying calm as a pond when her lover was intense as a torrent. "I know everything." 

Kylo noticed his jaw quivering. "You- you do?" 

Rey nodded. She pulled slightly away, Kylo finally lowering his hands. "What I don't know, though, is where the fuck you disappeared to." 

Kylo chuckled. He wrinkled his nose and raised a shoulder. "It's a long story?" 

"Well, I'm not in a hurry to do anything else, are you?" Rey put her hands on her hips. 

Suddenly, Kylo felt calm. Wetting his lips, he carefully placed his hands over hers and pulled her closer. "I do have something else in mind. Don't you?" 

Rey almost smiled but contained herself. "I need some explanations, _Ben."_

Kylo started nibbling on her neck. "All you need to know right now is that I'm here. And that everything is fixed. And that I love you." 

Caving in, Rey ran her hands over his chest until they reached his shoulders. "It's still not enough…" she said playfully. 

"I'm never going to leave you again. Ever, ever, _ever_ again." 

Rey gasped. Then she slapped him with as little force as she could. "You better not!" 

Kylo's head moved to the side at the unexpected slap and Rey noticed his cheek turning red. Well, she did try to make it playful, but apparently, she was kinda mad at him too and it showed. She felt like she was going to die of embarrassment. 

"Oh my God!" she exhaled. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to! I-"

"It's okay," Kylo whispered. He turned back to her and she noticed his mouth barely able to hide a smile. "I…" Did he like it? Kylo glanced at her lips. "I deserved it," he finally said. 

Oh, he definitely liked it. Rey could feel her cheeks blushing one more time. She pulled slightly away. "You sure did," she said in what she hoped to be a seductive voice. "In fact, I don't think it was enough." 

Kylo's hands on her love-handles clenched so hard it almost hurt her. 

"Oh?" he mumbled. 

Rey found the next thing she wanted to say quite difficult. It just sounded so silly. Yet she did it. "Yeah, I think you need some more punishment."

She watched as Kylo's Adam's apple bobbed. "You do? What are you going to do to me?"

Dragging her hands with her fingers behind his neck, she pulled him down and kissed him. Kylo moaned into her lips as he drunk her in, desperate and urgent. But Rey broke it off too soon.

"Shh… you have to be very quiet," she said. "These walls are really thin." And she started sucking under his jaw. 

Kylo grabbed her even more strongly and she was certain he was trying to keep himself standing. "Oh," Kylo breathed. "Oh no." 

"You have to be very quiet." 

"What- what if I can't?" 

"Then I'll have to punish you even more." 

Her cheeks were basically burning as she was saying all of that, confident she sounded utterly stupid, yet high on the fact that it turned Kylo on. Her hands found their way around his throat and she squeezed slightly. Kylo gasped and froze. 

"Take me to bed!" She considered calling him a name. Isn't that what they usually do in cases like that? Something popped into her head, but it felt too much. It felt like a stretch. Perhaps he wouldn't like it. Maybe she shouldn't say it… but then- "Slave." The word slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it. Rey screwed her eyes closed and waited for a reaction. 

The reaction she got was not what she was expecting at all. Kylo grabbed her by her ass and lifted her up, grinding his erection on all the right places.

"As you wish, my lady!" 

He laid her down on the bed running his hands over her torso and spreading her hair on her pillow. And then he just waited for his next order. Rey bit her lip. How could this huge man just bend to her every will like that? She could do anything she wanted with him! He was hers, only hers, for her satisfaction and convenience. 

"You've been a very bad boy…" she mumbled. Oh, God. What the hell was she saying? But Kylo just nodded. Waiting. "You won't touch yourself in any way unless I give you permission to." 

There was no hesitation in his eyes as he agreed enthusiastically. Rey had already felt what was going on down his pants- he must have been suffering right now. _Good._

"Do you have any idea what I have been going through all this time you weren't with me?" she continued. 

Kylo gave her the puppy eyes. "No, sweetheart, I don't." He gave her a tiny kiss on the chest but Rey immediately grabbed him by the jaw. 

"No kisses either. You don't touch me unless I tell you to." Kylo nodded. She continued. "You may have been able to satisfy yourself, but me? Well..." She took one of his hands and intertwined her fingers with his. "Once you feel these fingers inside you once, yours just seem too thin and short." 

There was a sound that came from deep inside Kylo's throat. "You want my fingers, Rey?" 

She thought about it for a couple of seconds. Then she quickly popped one of his fingers inside her mouth and sucked on it. Hard. Kylo growled and shut his eyes closed, his lips parting to make room for a sharp breath. Hmm… he liked it. As Rey sucked once more, she felt his hips move forward and grind on her. She bit his finger in return. Again, hard.

Kylo cried out. "I told you," Rey said pulling his finger out of her mouth. "No touching unless I give you permission to." 

Kylo bit his lips. He seemed to be sweating. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I just- I really need you right now." 

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Need me? What for?" 

Bitting his lip even harder, Kylo dared to talk again. "I need to be inside you, Rey." Seeing that she hadn't stopped him, or slapped him, or bit him yet, he continued. "I need to stretch your pussy out. I need to fuck you on this dorm room bed because, dammit, it's hot. I need to feel you come on my dick, I need to see your face as I open you and fill you up. I need to make you mine again. Need to make sure I can still make you feel good. I need to give you what only I can, and I need you to know I'll be here for this for the rest of my life. Please, Rey, please my lady, my queen, I need to make love to you." 

Rey let out a silent breath. Sure, all this game was hot and stuff. But then again… who the fuck had time for all of that? 

"Oh, Jesus Christ, Kylo, what are you waiting for?"

It wasn't exactly permission, as she had specified for, but it was enough to make Kylo literally rip her t-shirt apart. Rey could only gasp. He similarly took his shirt off, its buttons flying all over the room. Grabbing a handful of her hair, he raised Rey from the mattress so that he could devour her mouth. She didn't stay still, her hands quickly unbuttoning his belt and his trousers. There wasn't time to pull his pants off. There wasn't time to pull her skirt off. He just freed his cock from his underwear and pulled her panties to the side. And then he thrust inside her. 

A scream started coming out of Rey's mouth before she remembered that they had to be quiet and stopped herself. Her scream turned into a cry, a moan. Kylo paused to feel her from the inside, to let her adjust to him. To kiss the side of her head, to play with her hair with one hand and her clit with the other. 

"Jesus fucking Christ!" he exclaimed. "I don't think you've ever been so wet for me, Rey!" 

"Gosh, Kylo," Rey moaned in response. "Fuck me already!"

Grabbing her hip and the side of her neck, Kylo steadied her as he started moving in and out of her. He thrust inside her with menace, earning little squeals from her every time he hit her inside walls. He could feel his cock thicker than usual, pushing on her cunt from all sides, stretching her open just like he promised. Once he hit the deepest spot he could reach, he just stayed inside her, and just rocked like that instead. Rubbing his whole body on her, knowing he could hit her clit like that and drive her crazy. And he did. Rey ran her fingers through his hair and pulled at it as she guided him on how to move.

"Fuck- fuck- fuck!" Rey mumbled again and again, her voice clearly trying to stay low and obviously failing. "Yes…" 

Kylo smiled at her face, her soft features, as he recognized his Rey coming. "You like that?" he whispered. Brushing his lips on hers, he started moving in and out of her again. "You like that, my love?" 

Rey smiled. Oh, her big boy needed his validation, didn't he? "I love it," she whispered back to him, kissing him gently. 

"You do?" 

"I love _you…"_

Kylo stopped for a second, afraid he would come right on the spot, but wanting to keep going. "I love you too," he said while kissing her back.

Then he sat up and grabbed her calves with both of his hands, pushing them toward her face so that he could fuck her from a different angle. Rey started making more noises as he clearly hit spots he wasn't hitting before. And then he just repeated the last thing he said again. And again. With agony; with ecstasy. With pain; with love. Again, and again, on the same rhythm as Rey, until his juices spilled inside of her to glue them together and make them one forever. 

Falling onto her, Kylo wrapped his arms around his Rey and snuggled close to her chest. Listening to her heart beat fast. Feeling her slim hand stroke his hair. He took in her smell; she smelled awfully like him. 

"Rey," he purred. She gave him a kiss on the forehead as a response. "I'm sorry for all the mistakes I've done before. I did my best to fix them." He heard her give a short chuckle. "I hope we can make a new, better start now." 

Rey put her hands on either side of his face and raised his head high so that he was looking at her. "Kylo, I don't want to start over. I loved every bit of our story." 

The tears that swelled up on Kylo's eyes, I swear to you, were unintentional. All he really wanted to do was kiss his Rey. Until the end of time. Or, at least, until the end of this crazy ride of light we call life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you might have noticed that this looks a bit like the end... I mean, there might be an epilogue. But yeah. This is it guys. We've basically made it through all of it. 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, **thank you** SO much for reading this fic. I hope you guys liked it!! I hope it made you feel things, good and bad...
> 
> And in case you, for some reason, liked something in the way I write (lmao what a stretch, am I right?) I'm actually working on a new fic! It's going to be another au taking place on a greek island - before you ask, no, it's not a mama mia au lol. Idk if you think you would be interested, um... Stay put!
> 
> See you on the epilogue! Hugs and kisses <3


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie... I got quite emotional writing this. Can't believe it's over.

**3 years later**

"What do you think about Mitaka?" Rey asked, downing her tiny glass of wine. Why were they so tiny?

"What about him?" Kylo wondered. 

Rey turned her head to look at Poe and Finn dancing together on the dance floor. The two of them had never looked better; their colorful suits on, their widest of smiles, their wedding rings. Feeling a wave of jealousy come over her, Rey grabbed Kylo's arm and dragged him to the dance floor before answering his question. Finn winked at her when he saw them. 

"Hey, best man," he called on Kylo. "I thought you didn't like dancing!" 

"Oh, you know," Kylo murmured as he gave Rey a spin, "I'll make an exception for your wedding." 

Poe laughed and came closer to the couple. "I hope you can make the same exception for the rest of the receptions to come," he commented and raised his eyebrow towards Rey's engagement ring. 

"Oh, we've got time till then, flyboy, slow down," Rey chuckled. 

She started playing nervously with her ring for a second. Then she draped her arms around Kylo's neck and they started slow-dancing, even though the song wasn't the best one for that kind of dance. Kylo lowered his head and buried his face in her neck. He nibbled on her soft skin for a little while before he spoke.

"So? What about Mitaka?" 

Rey shrugged. "He's a nice guy, isn't he?" 

Kylo wrinkled his nose. "I guess. He's a bit quiet."

"But he's your friend."

Kylo snorted. _"Friend…"_

Rey pulled slightly away and placed her hand on his chest, stroking him. "Well, I know you don't want to admit it because you have this idea in your head that you're alone and don't need anyone… but when you hang out with someone after work for beers and go on weekend escapes and help them move… that's a friend. And he is your friend." 

The tall man with the dark hair was torn between smiling and rolling his eyes. "By that logic, Finn and Poe are my friends too." 

Rey stopped dancing on the spot. She looked at Kylo dead in the eyes and then broke into laughter. "Of course they are! They made you their best man at their wedding!" 

Kylo took her hands in his and made her move again. "No… they made _you_ their best _woman_ and just asked me too because we're engaged."

Rey snorted. "I've told you so many times I don't like it when you say it like that. Why can't I be a best man too?" 

"Because _I_ am the best man." 

"Well, I am too!"

Kylo chuckled. He leaned down and kissed her gently. "We're the best couple." 

His little Rey couldn't help but blush. 

"You were saying something about Mitaka…" he said.

"Oh, right. What would you think about him getting with Rose? She's the only one that's still single, we should-"

"Rey!" Kylo laughed. "We shouldn't do anything. Don't play the matchmaker now." 

"And why not?" Rey insisted. She placed her palm on his cheek and smiled at him. "I would argue I'm quite the expert at relationships." 

Kylo widened his eyes, suppressing a smile. "Oh! Don't get me started-"

"Kylo!" 

**2 more years later**

Rey downed her glass of lemonade. The only good thing about drinking a non-alcoholic beverage was that the glass was bigger. She looked down at her engagement ring, the diamond sparkling, and sneaked a sigh out of her system. Everyone around her was dancing, yet all she could do was sit there, wasn't it? Where even was Ben? He couldn't be dancing too, there was no way. Her eyes fell on her lover's unattended glass of white wine. Bitting her lips and checking right and left for anyone watching, Rey took the glass and brought it to her lips. 

"Ts ts ts…" A large hand grabbed the glass from her before she had time to even take a sip. Ben appeared in her sight with an eyebrow raised and half a smile. "I leave you alone for two seconds and you turn to booze?" 

Rey wrinkled her nose, her right hand falling on her belly. "Well, if you don't want me to drink, perhaps you shouldn't leave me alone." 

Her fiance flashed her a bright smile before he leaned down to kiss her. He sat next to her and drank some of his wine. He watched the guests dancing to a silly song that always seems to play at weddings, even though everyone secretly hates it.

"I don't think you are handling well the fact that you're just a bridesmaid this time, whereas I'm the best man," he said smirking, not looking at Rey. 

Rey's jaw dropped. "Excuse… you!" she breathed out. "I am the maid of honor! You're not going to take that away from me, Solo!" 

The man failed to contain his laughter anymore. He looked at his Rey and gave her one more peck on the lips. "Of course not, sweetheart." 

Rey closed her eyes and turned her nose towards the ceiling. "And don't flatter yourself. You wouldn't be the best man if it weren't for me." 

"Well, it is your friend getting married, but also mine. So-"

"No, that's not why I'm saying it." Ben frowned and then waited for Rey to continue. And she did, with unbelievable pride in her voice. "What I'm saying is that this wedding wouldn't even have happened if it weren't for me." Ben exhaled, rolling his eyes, with his cheeks red and the tips of his lips betraying his will to laugh. Rey wriggled on her seat. "You remember what you had said on Finn and Poe's wedding, don't you?"

"I do-"

"Well, if I _hadn't_ played matchmaker, then Rose and Mitaka would never have gotten married!" 

Ben didn't speak for a few seconds, keeping his eyes on the ground and a slight smile on his lips, contemplating whether he should admit she was right or not. 

"I don't agree," he finally said. Rey raised her eyebrows high, intrigued by his persistence. "I think they would have found a way sooner or later…" He leaned closer to whisper the rest in her ear. "Because I think true love always finds a way." 

His deep, rumbling voice caused a wave of excitement to blow through her body. Bitting the inside of her cheek, Rey stopped herself from acting upon the sudden urge to climb her fiance and do things to him they hadn't done in a long time. Oh… how long had it been? How long would it still be? Their lives were about to change so much, nothing was certain. Especially not their love life. 

"How are my two favorite people in the world?" a girly, high-pitched voice said. Ben and Rey turned and looked at Rose, with her pink, long wedding dress leaning over their table. A huge grin on her face. 

"Oh, just perfect," Ben answered. "The party is just amazing." 

Rose hopped around the table until she was next to Rey. "No offense, Kylo, but I was referring to my lovely girls here..." And with no forewarning, Rose cupped Rey's face and landed a big, audible _smooch_ on her cheek. Then she lowered her head in front of Rey's bump and spoke to it with an even sillier voice. "How's my goddaughter doing? How is the most beautiful girl in the world growing? Are you growing big and strong, sunshine? Oh, yes you are!"

Rey chuckled and stroked her belly. "Rose, we haven't decided on a godparent yet, you know that." 

Rose looked up at her. "Oh, and who are you going to choose, huh? _Finn?"_

Rey's chuckles grew stronger. "Finn is a very possible choice, yes." 

Rose rolled her eyes. "Finn might be your best boyfriend, but I'm your best girlfriend and also Mitaka is Kylo's best friend too, so, you know, now that we're married and all…" She obviously blushed and forgot to even finish her sentence. She turned around slightly to look at her husband across the room and smiled. 

"Or, right. By the way…" Rey said, looking at her fiance. "We kinda started calling him Ben now, so if you could also help out that would be great." 

Rose finally stood straight and frowned. "Ben? How come?" 

The man in question placed his palm on Rey's belly to caress his unborn daughter. "Well, I don't really want my little girl here to start calling me Kylo, you know?" 

Rose nodded. "Gotcha!" She glanced at the couple in front of her, their hands touching over Rey's belly. "Oh, and… question. Don't you guys think it's your turn now?" 

"Our turn?" they said almost in unison. 

"To get married! You guys got engaged before any of us and still haven't tied the knot. You said you would after Rey got her degree, and now she has…" 

"Yes, well…" Ben murmured. "It's the baby's turn now." 

Rey looked at him and nodded. "Yes. And it's not like we're in a hurry or something. It's just a piece of paper, anyway." 

Rose failed to notice how the two of them looked at each other; as if they were the only ones in the room. As if they were falling in love all over again. And she continued speaking.

"Yes, I know. But I want to be your maid of honor!" she whined. "And do not tell me for a second that it's going to be Finn! I am willing to fight…" 

**Another 5 years later**

The moment the door was heard opening, little Padme ran to her father's arms. She loved it when he threw her up in the air and then caught her again. He was so tall it felt like she was on the top of the world when he held her. He spun her around and then kissed her on the neck before Rey appeared, holding the baby. 

"Oh, sweetheart. You're home!" she exhaled and leaned over to kiss him. She did her best not to let the kids hear the worry in her voice, but Ben could hear it. He could taste it on her lips, a fear that she would never see him again. A hunger in her kiss, a tear that almost fell. 

He pulled away and looked at her frowning. "Of course I'm home, my love." 

He didn't understand her restlessness. But still, he kissed her one more time to calm her. Nibbling on her lips until he felt a set of small arms pushing on his thighs. Little Padme, getting between her parents. 

"Alright, that's enough," the girl stated as she tried to break her parents' kiss off. "Let me through." 

Rey and Ben chuckled. Ben stroke his son's small head -so small his palm could cover it all- and kissed his forehead. Rey, in return, turned to little Padme and pinched her cheek. 

"Alright, lady. Your father is home, you know what that means. It's bedtime." 

The girl jumped up and down. "Noo…" she complained. 

"We made a deal," Rey insisted. "You two are both getting to sleep now, it's late."

"But I didn't get any time with daddy," she insisted too, hugging Ben's leg and clinging onto him. 

Ben pouted. "Aw… she's right. I didn't get to see my daughter at all." 

Rey's eyes were beyond than widened. She glared at Ben until he cleared his throat and pulled little Padme away from his leg and hoisted her up. 

"No, Padme. Mommy's right. You need to go to bed now." Just to be sure, he glanced at Rey and she nodded to let him know that he was doing the right thing. 

With no few struggles, Rey and Ben managed to get their baby son and five-year-old daughter to bed and then returned to the living room to talk. The moment Ben sat down, Rey rushed next to him and almost tried to get the information out of him physically.

"So?" she asked nervously. Ben pressed his lips together and looked at her. At how anxious she looked. And the longer he didn't respond, the more worried Rey became. She slightly shook him. "Ben? What did Hux want?" 

Ben shook his head to get off the weird spell he was under. He wasn't making Rey nervous deliberately. He was just thinking about the kiss she gave him when he came through that door. She knew he was meeting Hux and apparently was afraid for his safety. She kissed him with such relief. Only then did Ben realized how much Rey didn't want to lose him. How stupid of him. No matter how many times she might confess her love for him, he will never truly believe her. For how could such an angel ever love a commoner like him? 

"He…" he mumbled. Then cleared his throat to seem more casual. "He's getting married." 

Rey frowned. She moved slightly back. "Married? I- I don't understand." 

"Yeah, well, he found someone. In Chalandria. They are getting married this summer."

She didn't speak for a couple of seconds. "Okay…" she said. Then looked away, still quite confused. "Okay," she repeated more confidently. "And why did he want to meet you?" 

Ben chewed on his bottom lip. He raised a shoulder. "He… he wants me to be his best man." 

_"What?"_

"Shhh…" Ben whispered to her, reminding her of the kids sleeping. 

"Is he _insane?_ Well, why am I even asking,  course he is!"

"Rey, sweetheart. Keep your voice down." 

"Why would he want you to be his best man? Does he even remember all that happened?" 

Ben put his hand on her arms, touching her in a way he hoped to be calming. He brought her closer to him. He could never judge her reaction; his wasn't too different, anyway. But he had had time to let the crazy news sink in already, so he could keep his cool and allow her to let loose. He did it for her. 

"Yes, well. Here's the thing… He says, and I mean, well, it's true, but you know, he says that I'm his oldest friend. And, as he put it, _truest_ friend. Now I know what you're thinking, we never really were friends at all. But I don't know, apparently that's his idea of friendship, you know? He talked about how he hates the fake kind of friendship he has with the people in Chalandria, were they all just pretend to like each other when they clearly don't. He said that with me he at least could be himself around me, 'cause you know, we basically already knew we kinda hated each other. I don't know, sweetheart. I don't think he has ever liked anyone besides himself. And he is well aware. I'm not even sure he likes his husband-to-be, to be honest." 

Rey shook her head. "Well, but still. After all the blackmailing? After what he did to me? Does he really have the nerve to say you ever were friends?"

Ben sighed. He closed his eyes for a tic, and then let them pour into hers intensely. "He also talked about how it was essentially because of me that he got to meet his fiance. That if it weren't for me, or you, or any of our quarrels, he would never have ended up in Chalandria. He said that he would never admit it back then, but he understands that he could never have gotten that job on his own. He's kinda in our debt." 

"Oh, he's too much in our debt. We were too good to him and now he's trying to take advantage of that again." Rey looked around her, almost starting to panic. But Ben held her in a hug. 

"I know it looks suspicious, sweetheart, but I really don't think this is some kind of great scheme. I don't know, he just… he looked changed. Even sorry, I would say. You know, he talked about how he basically has no one else to be his best man, but I don't think that's the case. I think he just wanted to mend things between us or something. Maybe he just wants a clean start." 

"Why?" Rey cried. "This doesn't make _any_ sense. Why would he want to have anything to do with us in the first place?"

Ben shrugged. "Well, it _has_ been ten years, to be honest. Maybe he just had a new perspective on things. Maybe he just wants to fix some broken things in his past. I can understand that. Or, maybe, it's because of his boyfriend. You know, perhaps he found love for himself and can finally understand our point of view. Or you know, maybe the guy is just a good soul that made Hux do this to apologize. You know, kinda how you got me to get back in touch with my parents." 

Rey allowed herself to smile a bit. She leaned her head on his chest and exhaled. How were things getting complicated again? They were so perfect… 

"Okay," she said. "I don't care _why_ Hux is doing this… You said no, anyway. Right?" Silence. _"Right?"_ Rey pulled away to look at his face. He was grimacing as if he were in pain. "Oh my God, Ben! Why on Earth would you agree to that?" 

"I'm sorry, but look-" Ben spoke, leaning close to her face, cupping it, pressing his lips together and looking deep into her eyes. "I did it for our children." 

"What?" Rey frowned. 

"I just- I don't want to have any enemies out there. For them. No matter how far away they are, no matter how many years have passed since we last had troubles with them, I just need to know that no one is out there plotting against us. Waiting for his chance for revenge, planning on hurting our babies in any way." 

Even in the low lighting of the room, Rey could see his eyes glistering. Tears. She felt her own tingling and she inhaled sharply from her nose. Ben sighed and let his hands fall, as well as his gaze. She leaned just a tiny bit forward and touched his forehead with his own. 

"Rey…" Ben whispered. "I've dreaded the day that man would come back in our lives ever since he left. And this… this is not nearly as horrible as what I've been expecting. This is good. It's okay, it's been so many years. We can- we can just pretend and start over. For the sake of our kids." 

There was no stopping that lone tear that ran down Rey's cheek. But it didn't matter. She sniffed. "So… you're just going to forgive him like that?" 

_"No!_ Ben rushed to say. His voice stern and imperative. Standing out between their whispers. "I will _never_ forgive him for what he did to you! For laying his hands on you, using you, terrorizing you in every way. I swear to you, he will never be forgiven." Rey opened her eyes and looked into his, so close as they were. And Ben put his hands back on either side of her face, making sure she could feel how important that was to him. "But I would rather have a truce with him than worry about what more he's going to do to you for the rest of my life. Telling him no now would only serve to piss him off. This could bring an end to all of this. And it's all that is going to be. I promise, this is not an invitation for him to get back into our lives, and I made that very clear to him. This is closure. A compromise. A happy ending." 

Rey closed her eyes again, shaking her head slightly, touching his nose with hers. She brought her lips right in front of his, and breathed. Felt his own hot breath hitting her. The air between them twisting and turning into something common they inhaled together, turning into a magnet that pulled them closer. Ever so slightly. 

"Hux doesn't deserve a happy ending…" she whispered. 

She felt Ben's long fingers dipping in her hair. "I know. I know he doesn't." 

Rey sniffed again. "We have already given him more than he's worth." 

Her lips had gotten so hot due to his breath, that she almost didn't feel the touch at first, as Ben gave her a peck. "You're right, sweetheart. You are." 

There was a sob. A loud one, compared to the quietness of the room. "I don't know if I can see him again. After all these years, I don't know if I'm strong enough." 

Ben kissed her. He let his lips dance between hers, his tongue slip inside her mouth. He half pulled her, she half went willingly on his lap, straddling him, deepening the kiss. Even though tears were rolling down both of their cheeks, Rey started grinding on him, as he pressed her down on his erection. 

"Rey, sweetheart. You are strong. You are the strongest you've ever been." 

Rey only replied with some out-of-breath breaths. 

"You will face him and you will make him feel measly just with your presence." 

"Yes…" Rey exhaled. 

"He's the one who should be scared of us. He depends on us. He craves our attention."

_"Yes…"_

"You are going to shine at that wedding. You are going to dazzle everyone. And that -uh- that is how you win. You're living your best life even though he went through hell to prevent it." 

"Yes. Yes, yes, oh- _yes!"_

**Just right after little Padme started going to school**

Ben sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, pacing around the room. "You would think that, after all the people I've married, I would be some kind of expert in best men." 

Rey smirked at him from the floor where she was seated, playing with peppy little Anakin. "Sweetheart, just choose someone. It's not that difficult." 

"But- but who?" He stooped to get a toy from the floor he almost crushed under his feet and then continued pacing. "Do you think I have to choose one of the people that chose me? Is it like, do I owe it to them or something? And which one?" 

Rey raised her head and stared at him dead in the eyes. "Not. Hux," she hissed.

Ben chuckled. "No, of course not. But I don't really want Poe or Finn either. I've always felt them as more of _your_ friends, not mine." 

"Alright. What about Mitaka?" 

Kylo wrinkled his nose. "I don't know. He's a nice kid but… what is he even going to say in his speech about us?"

"That is up to him, Ben." 

"But I don't think there _is_ anything to say. He came into the story too late, you know? He wasn't there for the real stuff."

"Do you really care about a speech that much?" 

Ben finally stopped pacing. He closed his eyes and sighed. "No," he admitted. "I guess not. I- I'm just trying to come up with an excuse for not choosing him." He sat on the edge of the couch. 

Rey raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't need to give me any excuses. If you don't want him, you just don't want him."

Ben filled his cheeks with air and then slowly let it back out. "But then who is it going to be?" 

Taking little Ani on her arms and pulling him into a hug, Rey smiled at her fiance sweetly. "Who do you really want your best man to be?" 

Ben's eyes changed as he got the message. The hint. He inhaled and held his breath in his chest for a couple of seconds before he chuckled and let it back out. "Oh, you! How did you know?"

Rey chuckled too. "What?" She tried to act innocent.

"You knew I wanted him before even _I_ knew I wanted him." 

Rey raised her eyebrows with somewhat of arrogance but gave him a demure smile. "Ben, you love your father more than you want to admit you do." 

The man bit his bottom lip. "Alright. I'm going to ask him. I'm going to ask Han to be my best man at our wedding." 

Little Anakin squeaked at the mention of his grandfather. Both of his parents chuckled. 

"Alright," Ben said. "I'll see you later little guy. And you, Dr. Johnson." He winked at Rey. 

"Goodbye, Dr. Solo," Rey answered. 

**Does it really matter how much later?**

The trip back home from the University might be getting shorter and shorter, but it never felt like that. Because Rey's will to get back home just got stronger and stronger. It was always worth it though when she finally arrived. That was, if she had to choose, her favorite moment of the day. The ten years that Ben was older than her had placed him in retirement earlier than her and lately, Rey had gotten used to getting home to her husband having cooked dinner and waiting for her, usually on his desk, studying. This time he was out on the porch. Rey walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the lips. Ben stroke her hair and smiled down at her, taking her hand and leading her into the house. 

The moment Rey walked in, she smelled the delicious food in the air. "Oh, sweetheart. What did you cook today?" 

Ben gave her a foxy smile. "Do you remember what I cooked for you for the first time?" 

Rey's jaw dropped. "Chicken wings with chips!" she exclaimed. "How could I forget?" She placed her bags on the couch and walked into the kitchen. "Oh, how many years have been since we've eaten that!" 

"Indeed," Ben whispered. 

"I am starving. Do you mind if I go ahead and serve us?" 

"Not at all." 

Ben took a chair and pulled it out of the table to sit as his wife served the table. When she sat next to him, before they started eating, he decided to share some news with her he couldn't keep any longer. 

"Anakin was here earlier," Ben stated. 

Rey simply raised her eyebrows and said a simple "Oh." 

Ben nodded. His eyes were fixed on his plate instead of his wife. "He needed some help with his wedding preparations.

"How nice. What did he need help with?" 

The left tip of Ben's lips jerked upward. "He needed to pick a best man." 

Rey's hand had wandered to the chips, her hunger too great for her to contain herself. But she stopped. "Who did he choose?" 

Finally, Ben raised his eyes to look at her. They were full of tears. Tears of joy, for sure. 

_"Me."_

The single word was spoken with a weak voice, a voice that broke and shook, barely traveling through the air. His wife jumped from her chair, letting out a shriek of excitement. She took Ben's face between her hands and caressed his cheeks. And kissed him. 

"How lovely!"

Before she knew it, tears were running down her face, too. She could barely see through them, but there was no way of stopping them. There was no way of trying. She felt weak, she felt like her body didn't have the energy to do anything other than hold her husband. 

"He said-" Ben tried to speak, but more like sobbed. If anyone saw them at that moment, it would be so difficult to tell they were crying from happiness. His face was red and he tried to cover it with his palm. "He said that one of his first memories was our wedding." It was quite difficult to tell what he was saying, but Rey could understand. Rey could feel it in her heart. She let him lean his head on the crook of her neck as he continued. "He remembered that I had asked my father to be my best man and- and- he thought he had to, too. No. He wanted to." 

"Oh, sweetheart!" 

Rey hugged Ben closer as he cried on her shoulder. She sat lightly on his lap and allowed herself to cry on his back, too. How could she not? The love of her life was filled with so much joy, all he could do was share it with her. Share the vastness of it, or he would explode. 

"I am… _so happy,_ Rey. And it's all because of you." Rey whined at his words. "You are the reason everything in my life was perfect, my Rey. You are the reason I feel this ecstasy right now."

Rey could feel her tears falling quicker. "Oh!" she moaned. 

"I love you," Ben whispered in her ear. "So much."

"I love you, too," Rey cried. 

Ben pulled back to look at her in the eyes. He couldn't really, due to all the tears, but he did try. She tried too. 

"I love you, Dr. Solo-Johnson."

"I love _you,_ Dr. Solo-Johnson."

**_THE END_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I want you guys to be honest in the comments... Did that epilogue fix or ruin the ending of the story? I was pretty satisfied with the last chapter and this is why it took me so long to actually write this. But, you know, I wanted to give you guys a sneak peek into the rest of their lives. (There is a pattern, did you find if lol)
> 
> Also, okay, I know a lot of you will hate me for giving Hux a rather good ending because he didn't deserve it. I know lol. But, well, idk I guess I wanted our reylo to be the bigger person or something. 
> 
> Please give me your opinions about this chapter or all of the story in general in the comments! I'm really curious. 
> 
> Btw, I guess I can admit it now that this is over, this story was way more complex and bigger than I originally thought it would be. It seriously started with me saying "hmm I'd like to try writing smut. Let's just get a simple storyline for it though". Lmao I guess I psyched myself.
> 
> Thank you for taking this journey with me.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!  
> ن٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱ ★  
> (¯`·.·´¯) (¯`·.·´¯)  
> `·.¸(¯`·.·´¯)¸ .·  
> ×°× ` ·.¸.·´ ×°×
> 
> Oh, okay. The new story I promised you guys... 
> 
> Dan-dan-dannn
> 
> It's called Summer Rendezvous On Your Body and the first chapter will be up here on the first of October! Mark your calendars!! <3


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